Explorer’s Log: I have completed my fifty-six day journey to the star system designated “The Enormous Cock of the Queen’s Consort,” by Royal Astronomers. Eight hours ago, I left the dark matter mass that has complicated my journey for so many weeks. It is nice to finally be free of the turbulence, random energy surges and micro-collisions. Praise the Queen that I survived the non-stop annoyances and have finally reached normal space again.
After going so long without meeting another life form, I am disappointed to report that there are no life signs in this star system. There are four planets, but probes have revealed that each planet is devoid of life. Something used to live here as there are plenty of ruins on each of the planets. Preliminary scans have shown evidence of atomic weapons, extreme toxins in the oceans and in the case of the third planet, massive plasma bombardments. Someone, or something, annihilated life on these planets down to the cellular level.
Scans have detected a small area on the second planet that is devoid of radiation or lingering toxins. I will land there and see if I can find some clues as to what kind of civilization lived here, or what kind of people wished their destruction. End Explorer’s Log.
Explorer’s Personal Log: Well shit. After the annoyance of the dark matter mass, I was hoping to fuck someone’s brains out. I’m horny enough to fuck just about anything.
Vaquel Di stood on top of a fallen column. The weak sunlight barely filtered through the grey clouds. The bright blue material of her spacesuit stretched across her massive breasts and thick thighs. A tiny beam of sun highlighted her short pink hair within her transparent glassteel helmet. Vaquel’s brown cheeks were flushed from the exertions of the day.
“Queen’s tit,” Vaquel swore under her breath. All around Vaquel was rubble and debris. She had climbed onto this column in the hope of getting a better view of the area but it was a wasted effort. The devastation here was just as complete as it was everywhere else.
There was something odd about this column though. Three meters in girth and about fifty meters long, it had some irregular features. The tip had a flared head and the base it had broken from had three spheres. Ridges ran up and down the column in an almost organic manner.
“It’s a cock,” Vaquel said to herself. It had a nice shape. Vaquel was not one to mourn the death of a planet or a society, but if they had dicks like this, she was beginning to experience a rare moment of grief.
Vaquel looked around at the fallen masonry. “Might as well head back,” she said out loud. “I found one dildo and it’s too big to take back. This planet is a waste.”
Something rumbled to Vaquel’s left. She drew her laser pistol from her belt and dropped to a defensive crouch.
The sound came from a small landslide of rubble. It was not clear what had caused the disturbance. Broken pieces of bricks fell away to reveal a solid wall underneath. The outline of a door became visible.
“I must have disturbed it earlier,” Vaquel said out loud. It was certainly possible. Nothing living had been here in a while. Keeping her pistol in hand, she dismounted from the pillar and approached the exposed door.
There was writing on the door. It was vaguely familiar but Vaquel couldn’t place it right away. Back at the Royal Navy Academy, all known languages, quite a few dead languages and some purely theoretical languages as well as a myriad of their variations had been uploaded into Vaquel’s brain. The fact that Vaquel felt it was familiar meant this writing might be one of the theoretical ones. This might take a minute.
It took three. Vaquel recognized it as a form of Ebrima. The writing said, “Blue Leopard Clutch.”
Vaquel snorted. Either the language cells in her brain had been damaged or understanding of Ebrima doesn’t convey understanding of slang or colloquialisms. Still, it was more writing than Vaquel had found on this entire planet so it was something.
The door had a simple twist lever. Vaquel turned it and the door swung open. Lights flickered to life to reveal a wide hallway sloping downwards. Parts of the floor displayed an animated phallus going down the hall.
Vaquel followed the phallus. It was a dark blue and rather thick. As the passage continued, animated blue breasts would appear on the floor and wrap around the blue cock as it passed through them. Sometimes it would be a pair of blue buttocks that the phallus would go through and in one case, it was a very wet-looking vagina that the cock penetrated before moving on.
Eventually, the hall opened into a brightly lit area. The animated floor gave way to dirt and green grass. Thick bushes with green leaves and bright red flowers filled a circular area about fifty meters in width. Up above, sun lamps bathed the cavern in warm light.
A path of bare dirt winded through the bushes. Vaquel took a moment to admire the garden. Being underground must have protected it from the annihilation above. It made her wonder if there were other places like this around the planet. Probably not. This bit of the planet had a smaller percentage of the radiation that saturated the ground everywhere else. If there were more underground gardens, they probably died of radiation long ago.
Vaquel holstered her pistol, but moved her herbicide grenades to a belt pouch in the front. She had lost count of how many plants had tried to fuck and eat her on other planets. If any of these bushes tried to grab her, they were in for a surprise.
As soon as Vaquel stepped onto the path, the nearest bush shifted. Vaquel sighed and pulled out a grenade. Sometimes she hated being right.
A face emerged from the shifting bush. It was green, but definitely humanoid. Red flowers cascaded like hair from a round face. Lucious lips shiny with dew decorated a pretty face. Blind eyes stared out and Vaquel realized they weren’t eyes at all, just the shape of eyes like on a sculpture.
The face rose higher and was attached to a body. Broad shoulders gave way to thick arms. A round chest sported two massive mountains for breasts. The wide torso widened further to form hips that supported thick legs. Between those legs were a smooth slit that dripped a green liquid.
“Hello,” Vaquel said in Ebrima. “My name is Vaquel Di.”
The green humanoid turned towards Vaquel. The blank eyes stared at her. The lips parted and hung open. The humanoid leaned towards Vaquel and extended her arms out.
“Hello?” Vaquel said again. “Do you have a name?”
The green humanoid said nothing.
Vaquel waved her hand in front of the green woman. There was no reaction. She pretended to swing at the face and the woman didn’t appear to notice. Finally, Vaquel placed a hand one of the woman’s large green breasts.
It was warm to the touch. Vaquel squeezed and there was a soft grunt from the green woman. The breast was firm and the nipple was already hard.
“You’re just a plant,” Vaquel said.
The green woman didn’t answer.
“I’ve been trying to communicate with a bush,” Vaquel said. “Still, a plant with a nice pair of tits. I wonder how realistic the rest of you is.”
Vaquel placed her other hand between the green woman’s legs. The smooth lips of the pseudo-sex lips were damp with something sticky. Vaquel pushed her fingers in and was surprised to feel a smooth hole clenching back.
“Ahh,” the green woman groaned.
Vaquel jumped and pulled her fingers out. “Are you alive after all?” she asked.
The green woman didn’t answer. Vaquel returned her fingers to the smooth sex lips. As her fingers sunk in, she heard the moan again.
Vaquel performed three quick thrusts with her fingers.
“Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.”
“Clever,” Vaquel admitted. “You’re a living sex doll. If I had a cock, I bet your mouth would be just as inviting as your pussy.”
The green woman didn’t answer.
Vaquel pulled her fingers out of the green woman and reluctantly let go of the woman’s breast. It was nice to hold onto a tit that belonged to someone else but the lack of sentience was a turn-off. She preferred her sex toys to look a little less life-like.
As Vaquel walked down the dirt path, more bushes shook. Feminine forms rose from the bushes to display a range of bodies. The plants sported breasts as small as Vaquel’s head to massive sizes that hurt Vaquel’s back to look at them. Some of the plants barely came up to Vaquel’s waist while others towered above her. All were wide of hip though, as if there were a basic anatomy characteristic that could not be changed.
The green bushes gave way to red shrubs topped with purple flowers. These too began to shake as Vaquel approached them. The forms that emerged were different. These sported round chests and thicker arms. The wide waists topped thick legs. Between these legs were red rods of a shape Vaquel knew very well from the pillar outside. These plants had cocks.
Vaquel lingered in front of the red plant male. It had the same blank eyes and open mouth as the green women. She reached down and wrapped her fingers around the thick plant phallus. It was warm and pulsed nicely in her hand.
“Fuck it,” Vaquel said. It had been a long journey to get here. A dumb plant cock is better than no cock at all.
Vaquel pressed a button on her belt. The bright blue spacesuit covering her legs slowly retracted into her belt. Long brown legs were exposed to the open air, then her thick thighs and then the bright pink bush of her pubic hair. Vaquel ran her fingers through her damp bush and into her slick sex. When she pulled her fingers out, they were coated in her juices.
“A little water for you,” Vaquel said to the red plant man. He didn’t answer. Vaquel slid her wet fingers into his open mouth. As she suspected, the cavity inside his mouth contracted around her fingers. She was surprised to feel a bit of suction as well as more dampness. This is a hole that would stay lubricated.
The red man’s arms stretched towards Vaquel without really closing around her. She took one hand and guided it to her hip. The hand sealed to her skin and she felt something sticky. Curious, she leaned back and found the arm was strong enough to hold her body.
“These people knew what they were doing,” Vaquel said to the empty garden.
Vaquel jumped onto the red man’s waist and wrapped her legs around him. The red man didn’t sway at all from the sudden weight. Vaquel grabbed another hand and placed it onto her big brown ass. The sticky residue of the man’s hand secured the hand to her buttock. Feeling safe, Vaquel reached down and grabbed the plant’s pseudo-cock. She relaxed her legs and slid down onto the thick rod.
The flared head pushed up inside Vaquel. The plant’s hands supported her weight as she sunk down. The cock pulsed inside of her; a weak but steady throb that felt alive.
“Plants aren’t so bad after all,” Vaquel said.
The red man suddenly pushed with his hips and drove the phallus deeper inside Vaquel. As he did so, a small grunt came from the plant’s open mouth. The hips drew back and then pushed again, nice and slow. It kept repeating the motion and made the same grunt with every thrust.
“This planet had some fucking talented gardeners,” Vaquel moaned.
Vaquel held on as the red man fucked her. The thick phallus drove up inside her as steady as clockwork. In and out, in and out, in and out with no change in pace. With every shift of the hips, the mouth made the same grunt.
“More,” Vaquel groaned. The fucking was good but she wanted more. The long journey with nothing but her hand, her dildos and Chairbot’s vibrator had left her hungry for a savage fuck. She needed this plant to fuck her brains out.
And it was, but at its own steady pace.
Vaquel tightened her legs around the plant man’s waist. Her pelvis was in constant motion as she fucked the hard phallus inside her. She reached down and rubbed her clitoris with savage passion. It was a furious contrast to the methodical thrusting inside her pussy.
An orgasm began to build inside of Vaquel. She could feel how strong it was going to be but it was taking its time getting there. Knowing that she couldn’t speed up the plant man only added to her frustration. She was at the mercy of a dumb plant made by a species that might be dead.
There was a roll of thunder. Vaquel looked up in confusion at the sun lamps on the roof. She realized that it must be a recorded sound played over speakers, but to what purpose?
The ceiling answered with a spray of water from unseen spouts. A light rain descended onto the garden. The static shield in Vaquel’s glassteel helmet prevented the water from obscuring her vision. The water itself was refreshingly warm and Vaquel was tempted to take off her bubble helmet to taste the rain.
The plant man’s grip on Vaquel’s body tightened. The slow hips suddenly slammed into Vaquel’s open legs. The thick phallus rammed up inside her and then withdrew to slam even faster into her.
“Queen’s tit!” Vaquel cried out. The red plant man accelerated with every thrust. The steady pumps were gone and now Vaquel was getting fucked with increasing speed.
The first orgasm exploded within Vaquel. Overwhelming pleasure surged from her pounded pussy and spread through her body. It took Vaquel by surprise and she screamed her pleasure instead of giving thanks to her Queen.
The rain continued. In a haze, Vaquel pressed a button on her belt. The light blue material around her chest melted away and retracted into her belt. Warm rain fell on her bouncing brown breasts like hot kisses.
The green man kept pumping Vaquel’s pussy. The rapid thrusts overwhelmed her sex and a second orgasm was fast approaching. She titled her head back and surrendered to the explosion of bliss.
“Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel shouted.
Warm water soaked Vaquel’s body only to be shaken off with the next ramming thrust of the plant man’s hips. Vaquel grabbed both of her tits to keep them from smacking into one another. The green man’s sticky hands held her body in place as she spread her legs wider to take the pussy pounding.
A third orgasm surged within her. Vaquel laughed and squeezed her tits hard. The ramming root of the plant man slammed deeper inside her.
“Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel shouted as she came again.
There was another roll of artificial thunder. The rain drizzled to a stop. A lovely mist hung in the air.
The green man began to slow down. Vaquel whimpered in disappointment. The thrusting hips decelerated from a mad frenzy down to a steady pump.
Vaquel was on the edge of another orgasm but she could feel it slipping away as the plant man returned to normal. Now that she wasn’t getting fucked at a high speed, she was starting to notice how sore her pussy was. Maybe she should give up on her fourth orgasm and just dismount.
“No, no, no,” Vaquel whispered out loud. It had been a long journey here and she was a greedy slut. Vaquel let go of her breasts and rubbed her pussy with both hands. The lips of her sex were tender to the touch but Vaquel rubbed diligently. She would have her orgasm.
The plant man stared at her with his blank eyes. The open mouth might have been mocking her. The grunting sounds it made were becoming softer and softer.
Vaquel whimpered. She was so close. For one brief second, she considered starting a fire with her laser pistol in the hopes of activating the sprinklers. Unfortunately, a fire might trigger other responses in the garden that could interrupt her fucking and Vaquel wasn’t willing to risk it. Better to have a slow fuck than no fuck at all.
Could she wait until it rained again? How long was she in the garden before it started to rain? Ten time units? Less? What if the rain was only on a daily cycle?
Vaquel laughed. She imagined herself slowly getting fucked by this humping plant man for an entire day cycle. Even her hungry pussy couldn’t take that.
Still, it might be fun to try.
That familiar tension of an impending orgasm returned to Vaquel’s body. She found her clitoris and rubbed it furiously. Her other hand stroked her sex as the plant cock pumped in and out. She tightened her thick brown legs around the green trunk of the man. Vaquel whimpered as she fought to bring her climax as quickly as she could.
The plant man didn’t care. It continued its slow steady fucking of Vaquel’s body. The only thing more consistent than its fucking was its indifference.
Vaquel was so close. Her sore pussy resisted her stroking, rubbing and fucking. She became aware of an ache in her back, a cramp in her foot and a raw spot on her thigh. The interior of her glassteel helmet struggled to keep her heavy breathing from fogging up the glass.
The plant man fucked her with the same plodding speed.
Inspiration struck. Vaquel let go of her pussy and ran her hand over her stomach. Leftover rain water clung to her hand. Vaquel took her wet hand and placed it on the plant man’s chest.
Vaquel felt the moisture leeched from her hand. The green hips surged. The plant phallus rammed inside of her with fury once more.
The orgasm came a second later. “Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel shouted. Eyes rolled into the back of her head. She pinched her clitoris and rode the pain and the pleasure simultaneously.
A few thrusts later, the plant man slowed down once more. The brief charge of the moisture was already fading.
That was enough for Vaquel. She pulled at a sticky hand until it let go of her hip. The weight of her body caused her to slip free of the relentless plant cock. Vaquel stood on unsteady legs as she pulled the other hand from her body.
“Queen’s tit,” Vaquel whispered. “That was intense. I am going to need to take a break before I check out the rest of this garden. Maybe some of the bush men are close enough for a threesome.”
BOOM! The ground shook and Vaquel fell to her knees. Some of the sun lamps above flickered off.
“Mistress!” Chairbot yelled over the communicator. “An atomic explosion was detected three kilometers from your location!”
“What the fuck?” Vaquel said. She slapped a button on her belt and the light blue material of her spacesuit slithered over body. “Chairbot. where did it come from?”
BOOM! The ground shook again. A crack formed in the ceiling. A water pipe burst and showered an area of the garden. Vaquel could hear the mad thrusting of a dozen plant bodies.
“We’re detecting spatial anomalies!” Chairbot replied. “This sector is being saturated with missile strikes! I’m bring the probe ship to your location!”
Vaquel ran down the garden path. Plant men and women swayed from their rooted bushes. Her tender pussy protested every running step. She reached the tunnel that led to the surface and kept running.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The ground shook from multiple detonations. The scanner on Vaquel’s wrist displayed rising radiations levels.
Vaquel exited the tunnel. A shadow passed over her and she flinched. Relief washed over her as she realized it was her probe ship.
“Tractor beam locked!” Chairbot announced. “Executing emergency recovery!”
A tingling came over Vaquel’s skin as the tractor beam passed over her. She was lifted from the ground at high speed. The ship turned to present an airlock towards her floating body.
Vaquel looked out at the planet. Shimmering orange portals appeared in the sky. Missiles dropped from the open portals; their engines firing at full speed. The missiles slammed into the shattered ruins of the planet and exploded with devastating fury.
“Queen’s tit,” Vaquel whispered. She had never seen wormhole technology used for such a purpose before. The energy requirements for one wormhole were exorbitant, but to create dozens just for the purpose of attacking a dead planet was unimaginable.
The tractor beam brought Vaquel to her airlock. She ducked inside and closed the door. Anti-radiation gas sprayed her on all sides. Vaquel could already feel the probe ship accelerating upwards to leave orbit.
“Damage report!” Vaquel yelled over the communicator.
“Anti-missile defenses prevented any direct hits,” Chairbot reported.
“Yeah, I don’t think we were the target,” Vaquel said. “Maybe the are was a low-radiation section because someone hadn’t gotten around to finishing it off yet. Are there any ships detected?”
“Negative, Mistress!” Chairbot said.
Vaquel grunted. The wormholes could have originated anywhere. Someone, somewhere, really hated the people of this planet.
Which is a shame, because this dead world really knew how to make a nice garden.