May 062019
 
The Emperor of Darkness has a familiar tan.

Orgy of the Dead is a 1965 movie written by legendary shitty director, Ed Wood. The premise is that a couple have a car crash near the wrong graveyard. At least, I think it is a car crash as the budget didn’t allow money for a car or a crash so we just have to rely on sound effects and a spinning camera. The couple wakes up and the woman blames the man for the accident. They stumble towards the graveyard where they hear music.

See, this isn’t your normal graveyard. No, this is a special place where the ‘Emperor’ rises from a coffin, gives a long monologue about the forces of darkness, and is then attended by a Vampira knockoff. Together they sit and watch as damned souls entertain them.

How do the damned entertain the Emperor? With burlesque acts of course! Each act is preceded by a short bio from the Vampira knockoff. For example, “She killed her husband on her wedding night, and now must dance with her husband’s skeleton forever!”

The damned soul then comes in a costumer, dances a little, then the camera cuts away and when it returns, the woman’s clothes are gone except for her panties. She then dances for way too long. The Emperor says whether they please him or not and we move on to the next dancer. Rinse, wash, repeat.

At one point, the couple gets caught by a Wolfman and a Mummy, who bring them to the Emperor. The couple is then tied up and forced to watch more burlesque acts. The drama of the film is whether the Emperor will let the Vampira knockoff kill the woman before the sun rises.

Now, I hope that what I described does not sound interesting because this movie was super dull. The burlesque acts go on way too long and though some of the women clearly have talent, the emphasis of every act is the dancer shaking their boobs as much as possible. The acting is worse than you can imagine. The graveyard is so cheap looking that I have seen better presentations at Party City. The Wolfman and the Mummy are the comic relief, and are remarkably not funny at all.

The only upside to this movie was the Emperor and the Vampira knockoff. The Emperor is played by Criswell, a psychic known for some of the stupidest predictions ever. Criswell flips back and forth between being a master of evil and a slightly bored narrator. He does have a good voice and if he was more well known, he would the source of a dozen memes.

The Vampira knockoff was played by Fawn Silver. Unlike Vampira, Fawn can act and she might be the only one acting in this movie. She doesn’t have Vampira’s extreme features but her more curvier body makes her nice to watch. Her eagerness to strip and stab the living woman brings the only real sexual friction to the movie. It is a shame that she is not more remembered.

Orgy of the Dead ends with the sun rising and the couple waking back up. Was it a dream? Nah, more likely it was a cheap movie made to sell tickets by showing tits.

  One Response to “Have You Watched Orgy of the Dead?”

  1. I seem to recall this one, but only read about it, never saw it.
    Though I remember the “car crash” sequence.
    My Dad and I loved watching old Ed Wood movies together.

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