When the writing is good I feel like I am writing the next big blockbuster. This will be the book that everyone loves. This is the book that I will be asked about and will define me. When the writing is good, I am in love with what I am doing and I assume everyone else will be too. There can be euphoria in writing which is good because writing is hard and a little euphoria goes a long way.
Once the book is published then reality sets in. No matter how good the sales, it is disappointing. The fact that my email box is not filled with adoration is a surprise. I mean, I wasn’t really expecting huge love but deep down I kind of was.
Once the disappointment replaces the euphoria then rational thought can kick in. Maybe a book about a government conspiracy where the only readers who know about the conspiracy are the last people to appreciate an erotic mockery of their paranoid feelings wasn’t the best idea. That seems kind of obvious in hindsight. It makes giggle to think of how optimistic I was.
I go through these cycles with every book. Long ago I would be in a funk for a month. Now I got it down to three days.
I don’t mind the cycle. I like doing odd books. I like having a library that doesn’t look like anyone else. Sometimes I wonder if I should take these experiences and learn from them to make more conventional higher sellers but I shake that off. I like the euphoria that comes writing something I love. I have tried more commercial books and they were joyless to write.
A little after-publishing funk is a small price to pay for the fun I have.