Oct 012014

“Greetings mortals! shondemonclr1It is that time again when the veils between worlds go flying apart like a busty girl’s sexy cat outfit! It is me, Suckubeth, the evil fiend who never keeps it clean! With me as always is my Flaming-Skull-on-a-Stick companion, Burny.”

“Look away, mortals! Reading her words will damn your soul worse than joining Facebook!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Burny! Nothing is worse than joining Facebook. Not even what happens to the lovely pair in today’s story, The Final Couple.”

“By the flaming pits of Abaddon’s ass, not that story! It will terrify anyone from going to a Halloween party at an abandoned haunted house ever again! You can’t show them that story!”

“Ha! Nothing will stop horny people from having Halloween parties at abandoned haunted houses. At least, not while I exist and my brown beautiful ass is immortal!”

“Read on, mortals.”

“They won’t find us in here, Allison. I found this closet when we were searching for poor Caleb.”

“Oh God, Conner, I hope not. We should turn off the light to be sure.”

“Fuck, I knew we shouldn’t have had a Halloween party at the old Laymon house. This place has always freaked me out. I can’t believe Slit-Throat Sally is real! I thought that was just an urban legend but now Ashley, Taylor and Emily are dead!”

“What about the Fiend, Conner? I thought the idea of a monster living in the cellar of the Laymon house was just a joke but now Tyler, Austin and Jacob had their heads smashed in! With all that fur flying around, what else could it be?”

“Shh, calm down, Allison. We’ll be safe here. We just need to hide until morning and then we’ll sneak out. Everything will be okay.”

“Connor, can you hold me?”

“Sure, Allison. Wow, your heart is beating so fast.”

“So is yours. You must be really upset about Ashley. I mean, you guys have been dating for like two months.”

“To be honest, I was planning to break up with her soon. She can be really bossy and well, I was afraid to break up with her since her dad owns the plant that my mom works at.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.”

“You must be upset about Tyler’s death though, he was your boyfriend.”

“Well I have a secret too. I was going to break up with him tonight but before I could . . .”

“We found his body in the kitchen.”

“Yeah. Do you think we’re really safe here? Won’t the Fiend find us?”

“That won’t happen, Allison. I’ll protect you.”

“Connor, it feels so good to be in your arms.”

“You feel good too, Allison.”

“Connor, we might die here tonight. The Fiend is out there.”

“Don’t talk like that. Besides, I’m not worried about the Fiend. It’s probably some dumb mutant or something. It’s Slit-throat Sally I’m worried about. She’s some sort of ghost and can probably go through walls and shit.”

“She wouldn’t hurt you.”

“What do you mean, Allison?”

“Slit-Throat Sally only kills bad girls. Emily was a smoker, and Taylor stole from her job. As for Ashley . . .”


“Ashley was a bad girl because she only dated you because I had an interest in you.”

“Really, Allison? I had no idea! I’ve had a crush on you too!”

“Really, Connor? You’re not just saying that?”

The sound of kissing filled the closet.

“Does that convince you, Allison?”

“Yes! Oh Connor, make love to me.”


“Yes! Before the Fiend comes for us! Here, let me take my sweater off.”

“Oh God, you don’t have a bra on! I have wanted to touch your breasts forever!”

“They are yours now. With Tyler gone, they are all yours!”


“Yes. And this is all mine.”

“Oh fuck.”

“Can I unzip your pants, Conner?”

“Yes, please.”

The sound of zipping joined the sounds of heavy breathing.

“You are so much bigger than Tyler.”

“And your breasts are so much bigger than Ashley’s.”

Groans filled the dark closet.

“Fuck me, Connor.”

“I want to fuck you, Allsion.”

Pants fell in the closet.

“Fuck! Oh God you are so hard inside me!”

“Oh God, you are so tight.”

“Oh Fuck me, Connor, but be quiet. The Fiend is out there!”

“I will.”

Whispers gave way to panting which gave way to grunts. The floor creaked and a hand slapped a wall for support. Wet sex squishes filled the small space. A wall shook as bodies grinded.

Grunts quickened in the dark closet. A whimper was smothered between clenched lips. A shuddering groan was whispered into soft hair.

“Oh my God, Allison. I have never come that quickly.”

“Me, neither, Connor. It was like we were made for each other.”

“Oh Allison, I am so glad we came here tonight. Even with everyone dead.”

“I was thinking the same thing. I just wish that Fiend wasn’t here! I want to see you. I want to make love to you again and see your face when you come, Connor.”

“Well, I need to tell you something, Allison. There is no Fiend. I killed Tyler. I also killed Austin and Jacob. I didn’t want any competition because I love you so much. All that fur is from a stuffed bear in the attic. Since Tyler wanted to have a party at the Laymon house, I figured everyone would assume it was the Fiend. I wanted to be brave and impress you, but then Slit-Throat Sally killed every one and, why are you laughing?”

“Because there is no Slit-Throat Sally, silly! I killed them. I wanted to kill that skank you were with because I knew that you were mine! I got the other girls so it wouldn’t look personal. Oh my God, we’re both killers? You know what this means?”

“It means that Allison, you were meant for me.”

“And you were meant for me, Connor.”

The sound of kisses returned.

“Wait a minute, Allison. If you cut the throat of the girls, and I bashed the heads of the guys, than who ripped Caleb’s heart out in the shed?”

“I did,” answered a voice as the closet door opened.

Screams filled the closet and were quickly silenced.

“Burny, I do love a bad romance.”

“You also like a bloody romance, a screaming romance and final romance.”

“And we got all four today. It is almost Valentine’s Day around here.”

“Valentine’s with a body count! Couldn’t they just break up with their dates instead of murdering them?”

“Burny, you do not understand romance.”

“As for you readers, I’ll catch your souls later.”


  5 Responses to “Fiction: Final Couple”

  1. And they could have had a bloody threesome right then and there. Damn it, why don’t writers every consider polygamy? It would solve 99% of all romantic comedies.

    Loved it though.

    • Ha! But then it would have been a much longer story and I would have ran out of time to write it :)

  2. Yeah! Suckubeth is back. The Halloween Tart with a Heart! Well…the heart is on a plate, but it is the thought that counts right?

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