Jul 232014

The airlock was crammed with pirates. We simmered with quiet excitement. I checked my weapons for the hundredth time. I was eager to leap through that airlock and start killing security guards. A luxury spaceship full of the rich and famous was waiting to be robbed but first we had to slaughter their defenses.

I had the biggest erection inside my smart pants. There was nothing like a battle in close quarters followed by loot and screaming prissy women.

Morella, my First Mate, checked her communicator. “We’ve disabled the engines of The Pampered Dolphin. Estimated Navy arrival will be in two hours.”

I checked my needle pistol again. “All right crew, prepare to board! Take what you want and leave nothing behind!”

The airlock shook as we made contact with The Pampered Dolphin. Automatic locks engaged and bound our two ships together. The airlock opened and I waited a split second so some other pirate went through first. People who go in first tended to get shot.

“Arrrrrrr-heyyyyyyy. What the fuck is this?” the first pirate yelled.

I jumped in behind him. Instead of a corridor crammed with ship security, it was just a bunch of floating cameras. There was one guy and he jumped up and down when he saw me. My pirate eye instantly noticed his rich clothes, expensive shoes and ridiculously long mustache.

“Captain Blastpants! By the Lords of Space, it is true!” the man said. “You are a gift from the Gods of Wealth, let me tell you!” The ends of his mustache shook as he talked.

I stuck my needle pistol in his face. “Give me your money and tell me where the security is!”

He pushed my needle pistol away. “Oh I sent them away. I didn’t want them harming my savior. Oh wait, I should tell you who I am. I’m Alfon Zapri, of course you have heard of me.”

I put my needle pistol back in his face. “Nope.”

That bothered him more than my weapon. “I am the executive producer of Rich Bitches.”

I shrugged.

“I also created The Filthy Wealthy Life?”

I shook my head.

“Here Comes The Tallians?”

I pressed my needle pistol against his mustache.

“We are currently producing Keeping Up with Jen Valasha!”

I lowered my pistol. “Wait, is she the heiress with the big ass and long legs? What does her family’s company make?”

“Yes, she’s the one!” Alfon yelled. His mustache vibrated with excitement. “They make consoles controls for starships! We are filming her honeymoon episode on this ship and it has been a disaster!”

Morella cleared her throat. “Captain, we have less than two hours before rescue arrives. Maybe less.”

“Right,” I said. “Pirates, start robbing people. If you see that Jen woman, give me a yell. I want to see if that ass is for real.”

“Wait!” Alfon yelled. He jumped in front of me and I nearly shot him. “Listen, if you help us out, I can have a thousand MegaCreds transferred to the bank system of your choice.”

Lords of Space! If we ransomed this entire ship and everyone on it, we might not make a half of that!

“Pirates, hold up!” I yelled. “You, producer guy, talk fast.”

“Sure,” Alfon said. “Look, Jen married a musician, Que Tasa, and that was a big ratings coup for us. The thing is, the guy shoots his load in less than two minutes and then spends ten hours writing a song about what a stud he is. The network was expecting thirty minutes minimum for wedding night sex and we already have sponsors lined up. We’re at the end of the voyage and even if we loop all the times Jen and Que had sex, we’re short twenty minutes.”

Morella started to laugh. She saw where this was going.

“But now that we have a famous space pirate,” Alfon continued, “we can go with a new direction. We can film you assaulting Jen and I am sure a man of your stamina can last thirty minutes. We’ll surprise everyone and our ratings will go through the roof.”

“You want me to rape your reality star?” I asked. “I’m a space pirate but damn, you disgust me.”

“I’m not the one who came up with the idea!” Alfon snapped. “This is Jen’s idea. She knows what her audience wants and her audience wants to see hot pirate-on-heiress action.”

“This is ridiculous,” I said. “I am not going to fuck someone just so you can make a reality show!”

“Not for a thousand MegaCreds,” Morella said. “He will need at least five hundred more.”

Alfon and I looked at her in shock at the same time.

“That is too much!” Alfon said. “We can’t afford that!”

“You’ll make twice that in the memorabilia sales,” Morella said. She stared at the producer with the icy calm of an accountant turned pirate.

“Fine, fifteen hundred MegaCreds. Half now and half after we film it,” Alfon said.

I just got pimped by my First Mate.

“Alright, let’s go fuck,” I said. “Crew, go grab something to eat and socialize. No robbing but feel free to scare some people.”

I followed Alfon as he led me through the cruise ship. Morella followed behind me for moral support and to check our bank account online. It felt wrong to walk through a luxury ship without shooting things or hearing people scream. I didn’t like it.

“Some ground rules,” Alfon said. “Her ass is insured by the network so absolutely no anal sex. Don’t touch her hair or pinch her tits. Jen also wants to make sure that you don’t call her a slut because she hates that word. Also, her safeword is ‘discount’.”

“What the fuck is a safeword?” I said. I was cranky because a security guard snapped a picture of me with his communicator instead of pissing himself with fear.

“That is in case she needs to terminate the sex scene,” Alfon said. “She’ll say ‘discount’ and you pretend that you finished and walk away.”

“Rich people fuck weird,” I said.

We reached the premium suites. Grand doors the size of cargo bays stood before them. I was disappointed that we wouldn’t be blowing them up.

“Jen is waiting for you inside,” Alfon said. “Remember, this is a brutal violation on her honeymoon so she has to pretend to resist for the viewers. Just don’t touch her hair, pinch her tits or fuck her ass. Don’t say the word, slut. The safeword is ‘discount’! Oh, and absolutely no facials!”

I smiled. “I got it.”

I took out a demolition charge and placed it against the door. Alfon’s eyes bulged.

“I have to get some fun out of this,” I said.

The door vaporized in an explosion of light and sound but no debris. A smoking hole appeared and I stepped through it. The floating cameras followed me.

“Where’s this rich slut I’ve heard about?” I yelled.

“That’s Mrs. Valasha-Tasa to you, asshole!” a voice called out from a circular bed.

I got a little starstruck. Jen was gorgeous. A transparent gold robe was draped over her dark brown body. Legs as long as a planetary orbit stretched out on the bed. The robe fell open to reveal a plunging cleavage that promised riches within. Her face was a flawless mixture of genetic manipulation and dermatologist expertise. Long black hair shimmered and caught the light.

“Ahem,” Alfron said behind me.

“Oh yeah,” I said. “Hey Jen, I’m uhh, a pirate.”

Jen’s beautiful eyes bored into me and found me wanting. “Out of my room! You better leave before my husband finds you and kills you!”

She stood up from the bed. The robe fell open in what I knew was a calculated measure. Her fit body stood proud and defiant while the dark bush of her sex drew in my eyes. Fuck, she was hot. I mean, I had seen hot women before but this was different. This was a woman who had been bred, trained and cultivated to sell merchandise through the power of looking hot. This was weaponized sexiness.

I stood there like an idiot.

The cameras spun around me. Jen looked at me with utter contempt. Alfron’s mustache shook with fear as he realized I might be worse than the husband.

“Captain, if you are going to fuck the bitch, do it now before the Navy shows up!” Morella shouted.

“Right!” I snapped. This wasn’t about fucking. This was about stealing loot and making a profit. If there was one thing I knew how to do was to take something that didn’t belong me.

I walked over to Jen. My intelligent pants unzipped themselves and my cock sprung free. I tossed my needle pistol to the bed and I reached out for the impossible hot heiress.

The look in Jen’s eyes changed. The contempt was gone. Desire took its place.

Then I grabbed her hair and the desire turned to fury. Her hair was so soft in my hands and I yanked her head towards me.

“Don’t touch the hair, asshole!” Jen yelled.

“I’m the pirate here, slut,” I snapped. I twisted her hair to prove my point.

“Ow!” she yelled. She tried to push against me but I wasn’t some weak singer. I was too strong for her. In the struggle, her robe fell off. Wow, these reality stars were better at getting naked than most courtesans.

“Nice treasure chest,” I said as I grabbed a tit. It was plump and perfectly shaped for my hand.

Cameras hovered closer to observe the tit grabbing. One camera focused on my hand in her hair. One camera went to my standing erection. Two cameras zoomed in on the rage building in Jen’s face.

“You can’t do this!” Jen yelled. “I’m Jen fucking Valasha-Tasa and you’re a nobody!”

“You’re just another slut for my cock,” I told her. My hand released her tit and went straight for her nipple. A pinch and a twist and she almost fell to her knees. My hand in her hair kept her standing.

“ASSHOLE!” Jen yelled. “No nipple pinching!” She glared an angry look at Alfron who simply shrugged.

“You got a lot of rules for a victim,” I said. I twisted her nipple harder.

“FUCK!” she yelled. She stared at me with hatred and I saw her lips clench together. I could see the beginning of her safeword forming on her lips.

“Need to say something?” I asked her. I twist her nipple the other way. Her breast contorted under the force of my twisting.

She drew in a sharp breath and clenched her lips tighter.

“Are you sure?” I asked her again. I pulled hard on her nipple and her breast stretched with my fingers.

Jen shook her head and then she spat on my face. “Fuck you!” she snapped.

“Your choice,” I said. I let go of her nipple and reached into my pockets. I pulled out the gravity cuffs and slapped one on each of her wrists. I was saving them for if I met a frisky robbery victim but they were good for spoiled bitches too.

I spoke a command and the gravity cuffs pulled Jen’s hands into the air. She squealed as she was lifted into the air until her feet were off the ground. Jen twisted and screamed but the gravity cuffs didn’t budge.

She kicked me with her beautiful long leg. I grunted as she hit my stomach but I was glad she didn’t get my cock. I grabbed her leg by the ankle and pulled it to the side. Jen cried out as I grabbed her other leg by the thigh and pulled her apart.

The cameras moved in to get a better look at her sex. Millions of Jen’s fans across the galaxy would never forget this moment. They had me to thank for it.

“Anything you want to say before I fuck you?” I told the struggling heiress.

Jen spat at me again. She glared at Alfron and the cameras before spitting at me again. I laughed. I wasn’t hearing any safewords.

“Thought so,” I said as I slipped inside her.

Lords of Space! Her vagina was perfect. Her pussy must have had a flesh-shifting implant because after three thrusts, it was the perfect shape for me. It was the perfect wetness, the perfect level of heat and the perfect grip. Fuck, no wonder her husband couldn’t last inside her!

“Fucking loser!” the heiress yelled at me as I fucked her suspended body.

“Nobody pirate!” the reality star cursed as I pounded her perfect pussy.

“Piece of shit thief!” the mega-celebrity swore as her tits bounced with every thrust.

“You don’t even have an endorsement deal!” the beautiful bitch screamed as she twisted on my cock.

It only made me fuck her harder. The cameras zooming around us trying to get a good angle were distracting but her insults kept me focused. Her bouncing tits and struggling legs in my hands brought me closer to climax but I was motivated by animosity. I was fucking the shit out of her purely for spite and man, she made sure I had plenty of spite to go.

Still, her pussy was too damn good. All the contempt in the world can’t stop you from shooting your load into a hot spoiled slut. I was going to come soon and the thought of Jen triumphing in even the smallest way was too much to bear.

I pulled out of her pussy. Leaving that kind of perfect fit might have been the most heartbreaking thing I had ever done.

Jen smiled as I pulled out. “Too much woman for you?” she asked.

“Nope,” I said. “Just wanting to see if your ass is real.”

I walked behind her. Jen started screaming. “If you touch my ass, I will kill you, your crew and your entire family!”

I slapped another gravity cuff on her ankle. It pulled her leg out to the side and once the other gravity cuff went on, she was spread eagle and floating before me. She could twist and struggle but she wasn’t going to be kicking or escaping.

“I will find all of your loved ones and wear their skins!” jen screamed.

I believed her. She certainly had the power and the evil. She might be the worse enemy one could every make.

On the other hand, her ass was fantastic. Round and brown, it was an ass that launched a thousand holovids. It was an ass designed for fucking. It was an ass made breast men into ass men. It was a true booty worth dying for.

I pulled her ass cheeks apart.

“I will buy your home planet, enslave the population and make them into medical test subjects!!” Jen screamed.

My cock was slick with her pussy juices. I pressed the tip of my cock against her tight little brown hole.

“I will do a biography video of you that will claim you invented cancer!” Jen howled.
The cameras floated closer. One camera was right over my shoulder so it could see my cock enter her. Another camera floated before Jen’s face so the moment of penetration could be recorded.

I heard a lot of threats, but no safeword.

I pushed in. Her ass resisted only briefly before taking me in. My cock invaded her ass completely.

“Lords of Space,” Jen moaned.

“Lords of Space,” I agreed. Her ass was tighter than a singularity. She shuddered and my cock throbbed inside her. I was embedded inside her and our bodies fused together in symbiotic pleasure.

I fucked her ass. I started slow but soon speed up. Her magnificent ass could take it. No, an ass that wonderful demanded it.

I grabbed her hair and yanked her head back. She screamed and shuddered some more.

I reached around and grabbed a tit. The cameras captured my hand marauding her breasts. Jen screamed clenched around my ass.

I assaulted her ass. I took it with all the force and savagery of piracy. I ravished her ass not for the money, the fame or even spite. I claimed her ass with my cock because it was made for fucking.

Morella stepped into my line of vision. She tapped her communicator. It was time.

I let go of self control. I felt my orgasm building inside me. I couldn’t wait to release myself inside her ass.

That was when I remembered Jen’s last rule.

I pulled out of her ass. I snapped a command and the gravity-cuffs deactivated. Jen fell hard to the ground. She looked up at me and I didn’t recognize her. All of the hostility was gone. Her face had transformed into lust and happiness.

I grabbed her hair and my cock. She smiled before she realized what I was doing. As she started to scream, my cock erupted.

I blasted her face with my seed. A solid stream flew into her mouth and she started to choke. The rest of my seed splattered against her cheeks and lips. An errant stream coated her hair. I kept pumping until I was empty.

The cameras caught it all.

“And cut!” Alfron yelled. “We got enough for the special!”

“The bastard broke every rule!” Jen yelled. She tried to wipe my seed from her face but she just smeared it around.

“That’s reality programming for you!” Alfron said. “Don’t worry, baby. This video is going to break all the sales records! We’re going to sell more than even Oris Mal’s wedding!”

“Really?” Jen said. She stood up and her demeanor changed. Now instead of outrage or lust it was all greed. “Maybe we should sell commemorative gravity cuffs to go with the video.”

“You’re a genius!” Alfron said.

“We really need to leave,” Morella said.

My intelligent pants zipped me back up. I recovered my gravity cuffs and needle pistol. Jen went to the showers with Alfron, still talking business plans. I wasn’t expecting her to say goodbye but hey, I wasn’t used to ravishing women and having them forget me so soon.

“All fifteen hundred MegaCreds have been wired to our accounts,” Morella said. “Not a bad haul.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “It might pay more than piracy but reality shows just make me feel dirty.”

  4 Responses to “Fiction: The Crime of the Rating Season”

  1. Blastpants breaks all the rules, even when he is being pimped out.

    That last line had me in stitches ;)

    xx Dee

    • Blastpants has serious authority issues. He may be a murdering space pirate but reality show work is just degrading.

  2. “You don’t even have an endorsement deal!”

    Loved it. Fun and anxious, though I didn’t get into it from the beginning, that quickly changed once he started breaking rules.

    • That’s funny, I had this sitting in the back of my mind forever with no desire to write it until I thought of the rules and how he would react :)

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