Jun 162014

I want to congratulate every team member for their work this summer. We have been ranked #1 Place to Eat in Mermaid Island for the 2nd year in a row by Mermaid Island Weekly. Our 8 o’clock Pirate Raid Dinner Theater has sold out every night this month and customer response cards are averaging 95% in customer satisfaction.

However, there are a few rules we would like to remind team members of. Although we allow you free reign in designing your pirate costume, female members really need to stop going into the dining area flashing your tits. I don’t care if the historical Captain O’Plenty went into battle with her giant tits in the wind, she never had to pay public indecency fines like we do.

Male members need to please refrain from grabbing the asses of customers and yelling “I claim this booty!” I know you get better tips that way but one day someone is going to punch you out for groping them inappropriately.

Our Pirate Raid Dinner Theater is immensely popular and everyone loves it when we drag some poor mom or dad to the brig, but you MUST stop offering the prisoner oral sex while they wait in the brig. Yeah, I know it is consensual and yeah, I know some of you young ladies have daddy issues, but it is just not right to blow some guy ten feet away from his wife and family.

It is even less cool to eat out someone’s mom no matter how much she asks for it. One day you’re going to eat a screamer and then things are going to awkward on the dining area.

Finally, I know you guys get worked up and excited during the show but please, please, PLEASE have your after hours orgy party in the stockroom instead of the dining area. It just isn’t sanitary.

Thank you,
The Management

  2 Responses to “Captain O’Plenty’s Galley Memo to Team Members”

  1. I want to work here… and give them all my money too.

  2. If there are many orgies in the dining hall, there will soon be some job openings!

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