Hello, I am Vix Plaser for GNC, and we are in the middle of a breaking news story.
Captain Blastpants, has attacked the Conservatives for a Totalitarian Corporate Government convention being held on Station Chi-Beta! Casualty reports are unclear at this time but sources have revealed to GNC that over 500 MegaCreds were stolen as well as the entire liquor supply of the convention.
Cassie Neemix is on the scene now with a witness.
Cassie: “Thank you, Vix, I am standing here with Inna Masin who tells me that she was personally assaulted by Captain Blastpants himself. What can you tell me about your ordeal, Inna?”
Inna: “It was awful! First he seduced me with his wicked smile when he walked onto the conference floor so that I threw off all of my clothes and jumped on him! There must have been some sort of mind control going on because I would never do that because I am a good Corporate-fearing woman!”
Cassie: “Diabolical. Did he ravish you?”
Inna: “He ravished the space shit out of me! He fucked my tits, he fucked my mouth, and he fucked the Hell out of my pussy. I hadn’t been fucked like that since the last convention. But the worse part is that the asshole pulled out and shot his load all over my face before I had a chance to climax!”
Cassie: “Are you saying that Captain Blastpants refused to bring you to satisfaction during your assault?”
Inna: “That’s right! I was so close too! He claimed that he had to secure more treasure but I think that was just a lie! Now I got pirate splooge all in my hair and you know that doesn’t come out easy!”
Cassie: “That is so true, Inna. There you have it audience, Captain Blastpants willfully denied this woman pleasure when she threw herself at him and then shamefully came in her hair. This is just another travesty to be added to Captain Blastpants’ long litany of crimes. Back to you Vic.”
That is truly shameful. We will be taking a short commercial break but when we come back, we will have an exclusive interview with former Governor and now Holo-vid Reality Star, Wandi Kay, who was present at the convention and claims that her bra was personally stolen by Captain Blastpants at cock point.