“Whores to starboard!” Old Nathan yelled.
I started laughing. My crew laughed as well. People on the street stopped and looked at us. It wasn’t that funny of a joke but we were in such a good mood that we would have laughed at damn near anything. We had just captured a mega freighter loaded with rare Qur ore and that notorious cheapskate fence, Honest Leo had given us thirty super credits for each kilo. It was a King’s ransom and the crew was eager to spend their shares.
That is why we had pulled into New Fortune, the biggest hive of depravity and illegal activity in the sector. The entire planet was a shithole but New Fortune was a city that had all the necessities like brothels, bars and affordable personal electronics.
“Where do we go first?” Pious Pam asked. She was a nun who had joined our crew when we raided her cloister’s asteroid. “I want to sit on someone’s face and snort some tricaine!”
Nuns were the nastiest pirates.
“We’re going to Moons of Zian first,” I declared.
“What the fuck is at Moons of Zian?” Pious Pam asked.
“Zian,” Morella, my first Mate said. “She’s the Captain’s girlfriend in this port and she runs an okay brothel. We stop there so the Captain can bang the hottest slut on the planet. It’s a good luck tradition for the rest of the crew.”
“She’s also got three tits!” Old Nathan said.
“And skin the color of blue skies!” Young Nathan said.
“And a tongue that can touch her nose!” I added.
Yeah, I was feeling pretty good. I was strutting. I mean, I’m Captain Blastpants, I’m always strutting, but today I was really throwing some swing to the shoulders. I was a rich space pirate going to fuck a hot alien woman and make her scream my name. My bridge crew strutted behind me, basking in my awesomeness. I felt like I was on top of the sector.
We walked in Moons of Zian like we owned the place. Holograms of blue tits danced in the air. The place was pretty large but it was packed wall to wall with space pirates, illegal merchants, spammers and whores. The smell of liquor and sex was overpowering. Lords of Space, it felt good to be back.
“What does Zian look like?” Pious Pam asked.
“She’s a Mupian,” Morella said. “They have blue skin, long green hair, three breasts and a tongue eight inches long.”
“Oh,” Pious Pam said. “You mean that slut sitting on that handsome guy’s lap?”
Son of a stockbroker! Pius Pam was right! Sitting at the bar was a handsome guy with a cool goatee, slick black hair and a rather dashing scar over his left eye. The thing was, I knew that handsome guy! It was the scourge of seven planets and countless backsides, Captain Assfucker and who was on his lap but a giggling topless blue skinned hussy with three tits! It was my hussy, Zian! Assfucker had one of her nipples in his mouth and his hand was buried up her skirt!
“What the fuck is this?” I yelled. I was so loud that the entire bar hushed.
“Oh hey, baby,” Zian said. “Have you met Assfucker here?”
Captain Assfucker removed his hand from Zian’s skirt and waved at me. His metal hand glistened with her juices. He didn’t bother to stop sucking on her nipple. To be fair, her nipples did taste like spiced rum so I couldn’t blame him for that.
“Yeah, I’ve met him!” I yelled. “I watched him get his cock stuck in a recycle port once! What I want to know is what is he doing with you on your lap?”
Captain Assfucker finally took his mouth off one of her delicious nipples. “Bugger off, Blastass!” he said.
I growled and took a step forward. I grabbed my weapons belt and stripped it off so it could fall to the ground. “Say that to my fist, Assfucker!”
Zian hopped off his lap. All three breasts jiggled wonderfully. Her long green hair sparkled in the dim bar light. I always remember her as beautiful but every time I meet her again, my breath gets taken away by how damn gorgeous she is.
“Come on now, Blastpants,” Zian said. “We’re not exactly monogamous. I can fuck whomever I like.”
“Not when I’m in port,” I said. “Everyone knows that you are my slut!”
“That is true, boy,” Captain Assfucker said. “But we also know that the reason they call you Blastpants is because you blast your pants before you even get it into a woman!”
I snarled and took another step forward. Assfucker stood up and unfastened his weapons belt. It dropped to the ground and a hush went through the crowd.
“Kill them all!” Pious Pam said. “Kill them and rape their skulls!”
“No!” Morella snapped. “When Captains fight, they fight each other alone. The crew is forbidden to help unless one of them draws a weapon. That is the Space Pirates code!”
It was true. Captains could beat the shit out of each other and crush each other’s skulls if they wanted but no weapons were allowed. Weapons were messy and many a crew had been wiped out by a misplaced plasma shot. Space Pirates didn’t have many rules but when it came to loot and dying, we were quite litigious.
“Boys, boys, boys!” Zian said. She put her hands on her wide hips and stood tall. “There is no need to fight over me. I’ll fuck both of you.”
“Fuck that,” I said. “You’re my slut, and no one gets a piece of you when I am around! Those three tits are mine! That silky long green hair is mine! That long tongue is mine! All of you is mine and I’ll break the head of any one that says different!”
I glanced at the bar. Most of the riffraff got the message and wouldn’t even look me in the eye. Morella was actually smiling at me for once and Old Nathan was updating Shipper so that everyone on our shipwide social media network would know what a badass I was. Assfucker was stroking his goatee which was his tell for running the fuck away from a nasty fight. All in all, I think I put the fear of Blastpants in everyone.
Zian however wasn’t done talking. “That is very sweet, Blastpants, but fighting over a woman is a Mupian tradition and we all know that your puny pirate bodies are not cut out for such savage acts of masculinity.”
“What the fuck?” I said. Her yellow eyes were twinkling with mockery. The blue slut was enjoying egging us on to a fight!
POW! I had made the mistake of looking at the damned mocking eyes of Zian instead of looking at my enemy.
My head spun around as Assfucker sucker punched me with that metal hand of his. I had a sudden concern that he hadn’t washed that hand since his last assfucking. I hit the ground hard and my vision kept spinning.
Now the fight should have been over right there. Most brawls go to whomever gets in the first punch. I was down and hurt and Assfucker could have easily finished me.
Lucky for me, Captain Assfucker as a world class asshole.
“One punch is all it takes?” Assfucker yelled. My vision was spinning but I saw him lift his arms in victory. His loyal crew broke out in applause.
I swung upwards. My fist connected with his rather endowed cock. It was a talent of mine. I can find a woman’s nipples in the dark with my teeth. I can find a pussy no matter how many blankets there are. I can punch a cock while facedown and barely conscious. Intimate body parts were something I can find no matter what the circumstances.
“Lords of Space!” Captain Assfucker whispered. He didn’t have air to shout.
I was still on the ground but I tackled him. He was still clutching his crotch as I let loose a salvo of punches. I still couldn’t see but every punch smacked into his smug little face.
My crew cheered as I pounded his face then they started to groan as I kept punching. The groans turned to screams of concern and I was pulled off of Assfucker’s crying body. His crew quickly moved in and dragged their Captain away. There was an awful lot of blood and his body left a smear on the barroom floor.
I was pulled to my feet and three breasts were pressed to my chest as I was hugged. “My savage lover!” Zian yelled. “You are as mighty as any Mupian male!”
“Fuck yeah, I am!” I yelled. My right eye was rapidly swelling shut. I hugged Zian to me tighter.
“Take me upstairs and claim your prize, Captain!” Zian yelled.
The entire bar cheered. Even Assfucker’s crew joined in. Everyone loves a winning pirate.
“Nah,” I said. “I am going to claim you right here.”
Zian shrieked as I reached down and grabbed her thighs. Her legs wrapped around me with a slut’s practiced grip.
“Clear my table!” I yelled. The crowd parted as a path to my favorite table was revealed. Someone was sitting at it but Morella punched him out of his seat.
I carried Zian over to my table. “You can’t be serious!” Zian yelled. The mockery was gone from her yellow eyes. Now there were just out right indignation. I noticed that her thighs were still tight around me though.
“Serious as a puny pirate body,” I snarled. I dropped her on the dirt table. She made a disgusted face and tried to get up but I pushed her back down. Her triple breasts jiggled and bounced against one another. My hands went to her flimsy skirt and I ripped it from her body.
A lusty groan came from the onlookers. Many had heard but few had seen how Zian had shaved her green pubic hair into the octagon of a targeting reticule. The pubic hair pointed straight down to her glistening blue pubic lips.
“Board her and take her!” Young Nathan yelled.
My intelligent pants unzipped themselves and I took hold of my cock. Zian looked at the crowd assembled around her and glared at me with those yellow eyes.
“You wouldn’t dare!” she said.
I pushed my cock inside of her. Those yellow eyes rolled into the back of her head and her back arched. The thing about Mupian males is that their cocks are as big as my little finger. That is why Mupian females loved the cock of just about any other damn species.
“Grab her legs!” I yelled.
Pious Pam leapt into action and grabbed one of Zian’s long legs. Old Nathan did the same with the other leg and between the two of them; they opened her legs to almost a flat line. You got to love Mupian flexibility.
“You bastard!” Zian yelled.
I fucked her tight blue pussy.
“You son of a spammer!” Zian screamed.
I grabbed my favorite tit, the middle one and squeezed.
“You gorgeous cock!” Zian moaned.
I felt a hundred different pussy muscles clench around my cock. I felt the rapid flicks of her pussy tongue licking the head of my cock. I watched her eyes turn to gold as I pounded deeper into her.
“Push in torpedo, slam the hatch shut!” Old Nathan started to sing. “Twist the lever, hit the switch and blow them all to hell!”
It was an old space navy song used by work crews to coordinate their action. It had a good rhythm and it was one known by heart by any spacer. My hips started to grind in tune with the chant.
“Push in torpedo, slam the hatch shut!” the rest of the bar sang. “Take the measure, aim for true and blow them all to hell!”
Zian reached out and grabbed the sides of the shaking bar table. Her long tongue snaked out of her mouth and licked one of her bouncing nipples. Her gold eyes lightened with lust and turned silver.
“Push in torpedo, slam the hatch shut!” the bar sang. “Prime the fuse, hit the lock and blow them all to hell!”
Young Nathan leaned in close and took a picture of Zian on the table for his Shipper page. I let him. She was my slut but with the bar singing and eager hands helping with the legs, my victory had become everyone’s victory. Every scumbag here will tell the tale of the day I claimed my alien pussy and how they were here to help.
The scum chanted faster and my hips fucked in time. The table groaned and Zian’s tits shook faster. I felt a hundred pussy muscles clench and unclench as she experienced the first of her orgasms. Zian cried out and her silver eyes flashed through a rainbow of colors in quick succession.
Someone handed me a mug. I quaffed it as my hips kept pounding my alien slut.
Zian climaxed again. Her pussy tongue reached out of her pussy and licked my balls. She shook her head back and forth, dragging her long green hair across the spilled puddles of rum on the table.
I tossed the mug aside. I pulled out my cock and pumped it hard.
Zian opened her eyes. “No, not like this!” she said.
“Yes, like this,” I said. I climaxed with a mighty roar. Volleys of seed flew in the air and landed on my blue slut. Heaping loads splattered into the canyons of her tits. A massive blast splashed onto her pussy lips and were quickly licked up by her pussy tongue. A powerful stream even made it onto Zian’s face where she caught it with her mouth.
This was my slut. This was my table at my bar. These were my bloody hands grabbing the triple tits that belonged to me. I was a pirate captain and I was making my claim clear as any star going nova.
Zian looked at me with eyes were flashing through more colors than I could count. She shuddered again as she enjoyed a post sex orgasm. My crew let go of her legs but she kept them open.
“Claim me again, my Captain,” she said.