“Avert your eyes and stop reading! Go click on a web site about the government shutdown! Look away and save your soul!”
“You are such a killjoy, Burny! Why would they want to read about something boring when they can read something that will haunt their wet dreams for years to come?”
“If they look away now, they might not spend eternity transformed into a living butt-plug!”
“They should be so lucky! You know every soul starts as a ball gag. Speaking of gags, today’s story is a cautionary tale about gag gifts. It’s called “Her Blank Eyes, Her Open Mouth.”
“No! Not that story! I still have nightmares from the first time you told it to me!”
“You know what I say, when it come to nightmares and gangbangs, it is always good to share.”
“Read on, Mortals,”
I knew things were bad as soon as John answered the door. He hadn’t shaved in awhile and he had some dirt on his glasses that he didn’t seem to notice. He didn’t say anything when he opened the door; he just stood aside and let me in.
The first thing I saw was the blow-up doll sitting on the couch. I laughed at first. It was a birthday gift that a friend had bought him as a joke. I couldn’t believe that John would have it out and about. Then I noticed that it was wearing a tattered black bra and a single red stocking on one leg. I stopped laughing.
“John, I can’t believe you dressed it up,” I said. “That is creepy as fuck.”
John grabbed my arm. “Don’t say that about Minnie! She’ll get angry again!”
O-kay. “John, have they changed your medication again? You feeling well, buddy?”
John ignored me and walked around the living room. I sat down on a chair to the side of the couch. I didn’t want that blow-up doll looking at me.
“Where did you get Minnie from?” John said.
“Hm? Oh, Rick got it. I think he said that his uncle gave it to him.”
“Fucker!” John yelled. He ran at me and towered over me as I sat in the chair. “Did he fuck Minnie? If you know, you have to tell me!”
“Dude! Chill!” I said. “I don’t know! I mean, who actually fucks these kinds of things? We got it for you as a joke because you haven’t dated in awhile.”
“I bet he had fucked it,” John said. “That is why he gave it to me. Oh God, I should have never fucked it!”
“Oh man, too much information!” I said.
He walked away from my chair and I glanced at the blow-up doll. He must have brushed it when it walked by because now it was on its side. The painted eyes stared back at me. The open mouth glistened and I did not want to know with what.
“I just wanted to see what it was like,” John said. “I was lonely and you know, it had been a while. I got some lube and climbed on top of her and gave it a try.”
The pause was a prompt for me to ask, but man, I didn’t want to. I tried ignoring the silence but when I looked at the doll’s empty eyes, I couldn’t take the silence any more.
“Uh, how was it?” I asked.
John stopped pacing and stared at me. “She was warm. She shouldn’t be but she was. It felt great.”
O-kay. “All right, man,” I said, standing up. “Let’s get you out of the house and into some fresh air. You can tell me about your meds and maybe we’ll go see if Laura isn’t working the hospital tonight and give her a call.”
John rushed at me and got in my face. “You got to feel her! Stick your fingers inside her and see for yourself!”
“No thank you,” I said.
“Fuck!” he screamed. It was a loud noise that cut through the night. I started to become a bit afraid. John had never been violent before but man, he looked like he was breaking new ground tonight.
“Dude, I’ll feel your love doll,” I said. God, I hoped he had cleaned it.
“You will?” John said. Damn, he looked so desperate that I felt bad for telling him no in the first place.
“Sure,” I said. I walked over to the love doll. I noticed that the stockings had runs in them. Where the hell did he get stockings for it?
I reached between the vinyl legs and felt around. I grimaced when my fingers touched something wet but hey, John was acting crazy and he needed a stable influence. I felt around for the slut and stuck my fingers in.
It was warm. It was wet. My face was frozen as I debated telling John the truth.
Then the love doll pussy clenched around my fingers.
“Holy shit!” I said. I yanked my fingers out.
John started to giggle. “See? She likes it. Minnie loves to be touched. It makes her feel special.”
“John, let’s just throw her away, buddy,” I said.
John started to cry. Awkward. This was worse than having my finger clenched by blow-up doll pussy.
“I did,” he said. He sobbed for a bit and then cleared his throat. “I threw her away in the dumpster and she was back the next night wearing that bra.”
“Oh fuck this,” I said and I went into John’s kitchen. Chinese delivery filled his counters. I grabbed a steak knife and came back into the living room.
“No!” John screamed. He ran at me and I was worried that I was going to accidentally stab him. He tried to jerk that knife out of my hand and shook it in front of my face.
“I did that too!” he said. “I stabbed her and stabbed her and all the air went out and I stabbed her some more and cut up her pieces and put her in a can and then I set fire to it and then I dumped the can into the river and she came back! Only this time she had on the stocking! Look at her hands!”
I looked at the blow-up doll’s hands. They were stained red.
“Is that?” I asked, unable to say it.
“It sure fucking looks like blood!” he said. “I woke up with Minnie’s mouth on my cock and blood on her hands! I haven’t had a hard-on since!”
I stared at the doll. She stared back at me. Wait, wasn’t she facing the other way when I went into the kitchen?
Something snapped inside me. I had a sudden moment of clarity. John was off his meds and was doing his best to drag me into whatever crazy he was in. I had to be the grownup.
“John, this is too much,” I said. “I need to think about it. How about I come by tomorrow and I’ll bring the guys. Maybe all of us can figure it out.”
John stared at the doll. “Her nipples are hard,” he said.
“She’s a blow-up doll, they’re always hard,” I said.
“I think she likes you,” John said.
“See you tomorrow, John,” I said.
I left. I didn’t go home because I was a little creeped out. I went to a bar. I flirted with real women who had eyes that looked back and had mouths that closed. I got a little buzzed, sobered up and then got buzzed again. A taxi took me home and my cell rang as I unlocked my door. It was Chuck.
“Chuck, you won’t believe the night I had,” I said.
“Not now, Greg,” he said. “I got some bad news. John killed himself.”
I opened the door to my apartment. The light in the bedroom was on. I didn’t remember leaving it on.
“What happened?” I asked as I made my way to the bedroom.
“John called Phil and called him a bastard,” Chuck said. “He stabbed himself while cursing Phil out. Phil called 911 and ran over there. John had bled out by the time he got there.
The bedroom door was closed. I never closed it.
“Was the blow-up doll there?” I asked.
“What?” Chuck said. “What the fuck kind of question is that? John is dead, asshole!”
I closed my eyes and opened the door. “Was the blow-up doll there?” I asked again.
“Sorry, Greg but Phil didn’t mention a goddamn blow-up doll when he found our dead friend! Jesus!”
I hung up and opened my eyes. The blow-up doll was on my bed. She was propped up in sitting position. The tattered black bra was there. The red stocking was there. A single black heel was on the other foot.
John was right. Minnie did like me.
“What a lovely romantic story! Seriously, Burny, why don’t mortals appreciate it when a mysterious inanimate sex toy loves them?”
“Because mortals prefer sexual partners that are flesh and blood and not vinyl and cursed energy?”
“These poor mortals have such a limited imagination. I guess that is why demons like me have to educate them.”
“You know, technically there wasn’t any sex in this story. I am not sure it qualifies as erotic horror.”
“It sounds to me like you need to spend another eon as a butt-plug again, Burny.”
“Now that you mention it, there was some fingering and I guess the adult nature of the story qualifies as erotica.”
“Too late, Burny. I am summoning lube as I speak.”
“As for you mortals, I’ll catch your souls later.”
*Suckubeth sketch provided by demonlogist Joe Gravel*