“Avert your eyes from her tits! If you stare too long, you’ll be turned into pumpkins and feel every knife cut as she turns you into jack-o-lanterns!”
“Oh Burny, you are such a vanilla damned soul. People like a little transformation and knife play.”
“Why are you still looking, mortals? Have you no sense of self preservation?”
“Self preservation is severely overrated. Just ask the characters in today’s story, Giggles the Murder Clown.”
“Whoa! Not that story! It has violence! It has severed body parts! It has clowns! Sensitive readers who dislike explicit violence in their porn should not read it! This means you, Mystique!”
“They shouldn’t but they will, Burny. Mortals can’t resist a forbidden story anymore than they can resist a forbidden tit.”
“Read on, mortals.”
Giggles the Murder Clown gripped his machete. There were people in his amusement park. He could feel it deep down in his damned bones. The park was closed for the winter and yet people kept breaking in. How many corpses crammed into cotton candy machines was it going to take before people got the message? How many severed heads stuck on seltzer bottles did Giggles have to make? Did people enjoy collecting the deceased out of the mirror maze?
Giggles laughed. He was starting to think they did.
It was a warm October night. Not as hot as the fires of Hell that Giggles climbed out of in order to murder and joke back in the real world, but still, warm for October. It was a good night for ice cream topped with blood.
He went looking for the trespassers. There was a tingle in his arm as he got closer. It was the same arm that the townies broke in his old life. He liked to think it was his funny bone.
There, over by the ring toss, a man was sitting on a bench. Something sat on the guy’s head. A hundred jokes played through Giggles’ mind. Should he strangle the guy with a ring from the ring toss? What about cramming a bag of popcorn down his throat? The first kill of the night should be a good one.
Wait, the man wasn’t moving. Giggles came closer; his giant shoes flop, flop, flopping as the Murder Clown walked. The man didn’t even turn his head.
Giggles grabbed the thing on the man’s head. It was a pink bra. The man didn’t move. Giggles pulled the guy’s head back. Dead open eyes stared at him.
This wasn’t funny. The guy was already dead. Giggles stepped around and got a better look at the man. He looked like a college kid with his frat house shirt and expensive watch. The kid’s shorts were pulled down around his ankles. Blood soaked the kid’s legs. Sitting on his crotch was a jack-in-the-box.
Giggles reached down and turned the crank. Music played and the Murder Clown turned the crank faster.
The box popped. Instead of a Jack, it was the tip of a severed penis on a spring.
Giggles didn’t laugh. Was there another Murder Clown here? Was the Murder Circus in town? Didn’t they see the severed lips he had left around the park? This was his playground!
He bent close to the corpse. He didn’t smell sour cream pie. There were no rotten popcorn kernels on the ground. Oddest of all, there wasn’t the mysterious chord of an organ grinder playing in the background.
This wasn’t the kill of a Murder Clown. This was a joke kill from a human. Did they do that?
He picked up the bra. It must have belonged to the killer. He wrapped it around his head. His frizzy red hair got in the way but he tucked it into the cups of the bra.
There was a tingle in his funny bone. Someone was at the merry-go-round.
Giggles walked. Flop, flop, flop went his shoes. He threw the machete into the air and pulled a hammer and an ax from his pockets and started to juggle. He wondered what kind of joke that the killer would do next. It had better be funny. If it wasn’t, he was going to wear her tits.
Ha, he was going to wear her tits even if it was funny.
The merry-go-round came to life. Music filled the quiet night. Bright lights danced before him. The parade of horses, elephants, lions and zebras turned and twisted.
Giggles waited for the joke. An arm spun by, trapped inside a lion’s open mouth. Next was an arm on the head of a hippo. That was followed by a leg, another leg and finally a man’s head on the tip of an elephant’s trunk. A woman’s panties were stretched over the man’s face.
That was funny. He really liked the shocked look on the guy’s face. The panties were a nice touch.
Maybe he would only wear one of her tits.
There was another tingle in his funny bone. Someone was at the Hall of Mirrors.
Giggles turned around and let his juggling weapons to the ground behind him. He flopped, flopped, flopped over to the Hall or Mirrors. He had a weird feeling that he didn’t like. People were dying which was funny but he wasn’t doing the killing which was not funny. Why was the killer doing this? She hated trespassers too? She liked chopping people up? She liked jokes?
Giggles the Murder-Clown felt nervous. This was something he didn’t understand and that made him nervous. He hadn’t been nervous when the townfolk broke his arm all those years ago and he hadn’t been nervous when he killed all of them except for that last lucky girl with the shotgun. Going to Hell had been painful but he hadn’t been nervous. Getting out of Hell had been hard, grueling and funny but he hadn’t been nervous. This was a feeling he didn’t like much.
He stepped into the Hall of Mirrors. Reflections of a bound man stared at him. The bound man started to scream. Giggles laughed. The man had a funny scream.
There was a woman here. She was naked except for a frizzy green wig. She wore greasepaint on her face. A wicked clown’s grin leered at Giggles.
Giggles felt a tingle in his boner. He laughed. His funny boner.
The clown woman danced around the bound man. She had a knife in her hand. She danced and sliced the man’s clothes off. The man screamed louder.
Giggles entered the maze. His own reflection bounced back at him. A pale white face topped with a pink bra smiled back at him. A bright red nose pulsed with life. Powerful muscles rippled on his bare chest. Saggy pants bulged with a dozen weapons. Giant shoes flopped with every step.
The man’s screams grew louder. Sprays of red were clouding the mirrors. The girl had worked through the clothes and was now hacking through the skin.
Giggles flopped faster. He reached into his pockets. This girl deserved a special joke. He pulled out a rubber chicken.
The maze was no challenge for the Murder Clown. He made it to the center right as the clown woman sliced through the man’s jugular. The blood caught her in the breasts.
Giggles laughed. The clown woman saw him and smiled.
“You’re here!” she said. She stabbed the knife into the dying man’s leg. “I knew you would show up! I did all of this for you. Did you like it?”
Giggles thought about it. He squeezed his nose. It honked.
“I knew you would like it! I have followed your work for years! People keep coming here and you keep killing them! How can people be so stupid? It is like they want to get killed!”
Giggles honked his nose in agreement.
“Even these idiots were easy to get here! I just told them I would fuck them if they could find me in the amusement park and these idiots came right in. I killed them one by one, just like you would!”
Giggles slapped the rubber chicken in his hand.
The clown girl got on her knees. “Please, I’m not like other girls. I want to be a clown like you. I want you to teach me all your jokes. I want to be your partner.”
Giggles was genuinely perplexed. This girl was fucked up.
“Please,” she begged. “Killing has been such a turn on. I want to show you how loyal I can be. I promise, I will make you feel so good.”
The clown girl reached for his pants. He watched as she unzipped him. Rotten popcorn kernels, tuffs of cotton candy and a horn fell out. She reached into his pants and found his funny boner. She pulled it free.
His cock was pale white with red polka dots. The clown girl stared at it.
Giggles laughed. He grabbed both ends of the rubber chicken and looped it behind her neck. He pulled her onto his funny boner. She opened her mouth just in time.
Whoa, he had forgotten what it was like to be inside a woman’s mouth. This was nice. It was almost as fun as killing. She took all of his cock into her mouth. Her throat was as bottomless as a clown car.
The clown girl looked up at him. Crazy love was in her eyes. Her greasepaint cheeks caved in around his cock.
Giggles’ nose honked in pleasure.
He dropped the rubber chicken and reached into his pocket. The Murder Clown pulled out some chattering teeth. He dropped it onto the clown girl’s bouncing breasts. The teeth clamped onto her nipple.
The clown girl screamed but he grabbed her head. The green wig came off in his hands and he tossed it aside. She had short black hair underneath the wig. He was disappointed that she didn’t go all the way and dye her real hair. Or better yet, shaved it. That would have been funny.
Giggles pinned the clown girl’s back head onto his cock. The clattering teeth continued to chomp on her breast. Tears ran down her cheeks, leaving streaks in the greasepaint.
The mirrors reflected a hundred clown girls sucking a hundred Giggles. A hundred chattering teeth bit on a hundred nipples. A hundred dead corpses watched from their chairs.
Giggles’ nose honked. It honked again and again as the clown girl sucked harder.
He pulled his cock out of her mouth. The clown girl grabbed his cock and jerked it. She opened her mouth.
“Yes, come on my face!” she cried.
Giggles laughed. His cock spurted. A long heavy stream of demonic seed sprayed on her face.
The clown girl screamed. Smoke rose from her face as his hellish come burned her. She let go of his cock and spun away. She grabbed her face and screamed even louder.
Giggles watched. He grabbed the clown girl by the hair and pulled her to her feet. His chattering teeth fell of her tit and landed back in his pocket.
The clown girl looked up at him. The greasepaint had been smeared off by her hands. New streaks of white scarred flesh peeked out from underneath. Blood framed her mouth instead of paint. The insane adoration was gone from her eyes and replaced with just plain insanity.
“Am I your sidekick now?” the clown girl asked.
Giggles shrugged. She wasn’t there yet but he would make a Murder Clown out of her yet, one funny boner cream blast at a time.
“Another happy ending! I must be getting soft in my years of damnation!”
“A happy ending? Three people died! A woman was scarred and driven insane! A Murder Clown laughed! This was horrible!”
“Any story that has a facial, even a facial of demon hell semen, is a happy ending, Burny.”
“I am too terrified to even imagine what next week’s story will be!”
“You should be, Burny. You should be.”
“I will see you next week, readers. I’ll catch your souls later.”