Thursday is Thanksgiving which means that our lesser scientist colleagues who value family over science will be taking the week off. We will miss their camaraderie and presence but not their dedication to science which as I already mentioned, is less than ours.
Despite our commitment to science, we will still celebrate Thanksgiving. We have much to be thankful for as erotic scientists. I shall personally share a few in an effort to muddle my age as your benevolent omniscient boss with some slight slivers of humanity.
I am thankful for all the amazing advances in vibration technology we have made this year. Current customer satisfaction surveys rank ninety percent of our vibrator products at ‘Holy shit! I saw a divine entity!’ level of satisfaction.
I am also thankful for the many successful investments we have made in sexual education. It is always a joy to see young college students coming into our laboratories, learn sexual pleasure and innovation and then leave to take that knowledge into the general population. It is an even greater to joy test these students personally and discover how much they learn.
Lastly, I am thankful for the creation of the Disciplintron M3 which allows me to continue to administer corporal punishment to the senior staff without the threat of spraining my wrist again. Some say the robot strikes too hard but I say you shouldn’t have fucked up in the first place.
Now that I have reaffirmed that I am sort of like you, I would like to discuss our holiday plans for the laboratory.
Science will be conducted on Monday and Tuesday.
Science will also be conducted on Wednesday except that our Culinary Pleasures Department will engage in extensive meal preparations. Dr. Gustav assures me that there will be avians of plump sizes. There will also be many side dishes that will serve as flavor lingerie for the main dishes. Dr. Gustav has promised me personally that there will be addition of Aphrodisiac #6 in the stuffing this year.
Holiday Celebrations will be conducted on Thursday. We shall begin with a mandatory lazy period in the morning. At 10am sharp, we shall commence with the Thanksgiving Orgy in the main Conference Bedroom. At noon we shall break for Thanksgiving Lunch in the Cafeteria. Afterwards, scientists are free to continue having more sex, retire to their quarters for a nap or perhaps do administrative paperwork.
Holiday Laziness will continue on Friday. We all remember what happened last year when Dr. Presper, high on turkey sandwiches, made a miscalculation while mixing lubricants. Security tells me that they still think the Lubricant Blob Monster still lurks in the sub-basement levels.
Dr. Otto Von madd