Ezekiel looked out at the crowd gathered here tonight. It was a good crowd. More and more people were showing up every night. That wasn’t bad for a tent revival that only advertised in strip clubs, swinger magazines and bathroom stalls.
He stepped up onto the small stage and took the cloth off the fucking bench. Questioning murmurs rippled through the crowd. He ripped off his shirt and revealed his hairy chest. He picked up the microphone and began his sermon.
“Sluts and sinners, I am Reverend Ezekiel Bone and I am here to bring you the Word! I am here to bring you SALVATION! I am here to bring you ETERNAL BLISS! Can I get an AMEN?”
The response of the crowd was weak. He heard more “What the fuck?” then he did “Amen.” Ezekiel let it slide.
“Oh I am looking on this crowd and you know what I see? I see FORNICATORS! I see MASTURBATORS! I see WHORES and FUCKERS! And you know what?”
The crowd didn’t answer. Some of them looked like they were about to run for the exit. One poor black girl in the front was about to cry.
“I want you sinners, masturbators, shoe fuckers and lap dancers to know that it is ALL RIGHT! That’s right, you heard me! It is FUCKING OKAY! The Good God Above is proud of you and he loves your work! Good for you!”
Ezekiel smiled. Yes, the crowd was really confused now. At least no one was leaving.
“The Good Lord gave you a dick and you used it. Good for you! The Heavenly Father gave you a pussy and you used it! Good for you! He gave you pay per view porn, bondage clubs and filthy ebooks you can buy online and you fucking used it all! Hallelujah! Can I have an AMEN!”
“Amen!” some one said. Everyone laughed but Ezekiel wasn’t laughing. Once the ice was broken the river would flow.
“Now I know what you’re thinking,” Ezekiel said. “You’re saying, Reverend, all those things are a sin. It says so in the Bible. It says so in magazines. It says so in church picnic menus. It says so in my little list of things I should never ever do given to me by my Momma. Porn and tits and fucking and cocks are all EVIL!”
Ezekeil looked at the crowd. Some nodded their heads. He nodded with them and then started shaking his violently.
“No, that is all LIES! You think God is that bad of a parent? You think he leaves his porn under the bed and doesn’t expect you to find it! FUCK NO! God wants you to read that porn! God wants you to jack that dick and twaddle that pussy! Why did he leave the porn there in the first fucking place? Do you think that ALL MIGHTY GOD who makes the stars and keeps the planet spinning can’t have the fucking FORESIGHT to know that you horny bastards are going to go fuck anything that moves and some things that don’t? Do you think GOD is a fucking idiot?”
“NO!” some in the crowd shouted back. Ezekiel could always count on a few to take offense to that statement.
“God knows that you are perverts. Did he not make us in his image? Are we not a bunch of horny bastards? God made us that way!”
“That was the Devil who did it!” someone yelled from the crowd.
“The Devil?” Ezekiel said. “Are you talking about the Snake in the Garden of Evil? Let me tell you the real story of the Garden of Eden. This is the real story laid out in the Dead Sea scrolls that they don’t want you to read. This is the story that was smuggled out of the scared Church and leaked to real believers like myself. This is the story told in the Purple Book of Mary. Let me tell you the story of Eve and the Apple.”
Ezekiel dropped his voice and recited the story from memory. “And one day, God went a walking in the forest and Eve saw his godhood. She said it was huge and mighty but she did not understand why it was rigid. And God said, does not Adam have a rigid manhood? And Eve said No.
And God took pity on Eve. He said “Eat of the Tree of Knowledge but know that if you eat it, you will no longer be a dumb sheep in the Garden.”
Ezekiel looked at his audience. “And you know what Eve did? You think she ate that Apple? Fuck no! She put that apple in her CUNT! She fucked that apple! She fucked it good! And she realized that fucking was good and she couldn’t wait to make Adam have some but she had fucked that apple so hard that it turned into applesauce! So Eve, you know what she does?”
“She gave him the applesauce?” someone asked.
“Oh she gave it to him all right,” Ezekiel said. “She opened her thighs and told Adam to eat her pussy. He ate that sweet pussy and his dick got all hard and then he stuck that dick in her! The two started fucking and everything changed for them! They weren’t satisfied with sitting in a dumb garden counting and naming animals anymore. They wanted to FUCK!”
The crowd laughed. Ezekiel laughed with them.
“They fucked in the bushes! They fucked with their hands! Eve made some fucking clothes to make their bodies look even better and then they fucked with their clothes on! And then God came by and saw that these dumb fucks were now smart fucks and he told them to go out in the world and fuck some more! Can I have an AMEN!”
“AMEN!” more people answered.
“That is the God honest truth and I FUCKING swear it! People know it deep in their heart! People know that fucking is good but there are always uptight ASSHOLES who want to change that. They want you to give them money to fight our most natural impulse! They want you to swear on a stack of lies that you will never wank your meat even though it feels AWESOME! Can I get an AMEN?”
“AMEN!” more people answered.
“Now sluts and sinners, I don’t know why people lie about this. I don’t know why the Catholic Church hid the truth about what a great lay that Jesus was. I don’t know why the Jews didn’t want you to know that it was Moses’ cock that turned into a snake and fucked the ass of the Pharaoh. I don’t know why so many organized religions lie. I am not a psychologist or an economist. It doesn’t matter why they do it as long as you know the truth and I am here, sluts and sinners, to bring you the TRUTH! Can I get an AMEN?”
“AMEN!” the entire crowd yelled.
“And I am here tonight to help YOU!” Ezekiel said. He put his hand to his crotch and grabbed a handful of his cock. “I can sense that one among you is having some problems, oh yes! The Lord is telling me that one among you hasn’t had sex with her husband in over a year! Oh LORD! I sense that one of you is about to give up on sex forever and even stop masturbating! Is that true? Is there one among you like that? If there is, sister, please speak UP!”
“It’s true!” a woman near the front said. She was a plump Hispanic woman with beautiful black hair and beautiful sad eyes.
“Come up then!” Ezekiel said. “Make way for our fellow sinner! Let her come up on stage and we can help her!”
The woman made her way to the stage and Ezekeil put his arm around her.
“What is your name?”
“Maria,” she said.
“And Maria, is it true that your husband has not fucked you in over a year?” Ezekiel said.
“It is true,” she said. “I think he is fucking that white slut next door,” Maria said.
A disapproving groan came from the crowd.
“Well Maria, that is a fucking shame,” Ezekiel said. “You are so damn pretty, I would fuck you twice before getting out of bed each morning. Now, I am not a licensed marriage counselor or a fully accredited life coach, but I think you should get proof of his infidelity and divorce his ass. Take him for everything he is worth for denying you your marital rights as a wife! Can I get an AMEN?”
“AMEN!” the crowd yelled.
“But in the meantime, Maria,” Ezekiel said. “Would you like the healing power of the LORD? Would you like to have the gift of the APPLE that EVE gave to ADAM? Would you like to get what is RIGHTFULLY yours?”
“AMEN!” Maria yelled.
“Then take that pretty dress off and get on the bench here!” Ezekiel said. “Show us that body that your IDIOT husband is too STUPID to fuck!”
“Fuck that pendejo!” Maria yelled. She grabbed the bottom of her dress and pulled the whole thing over her head. The crowd cheered at her round body. She then ripped off her modest white bra and released her brown tits. Last was her white panties and that went sailing into the crowd. Ezekiel figured those panties might have just become a Holy Relic to someone who needed them.
Ezekiel led Maria to the bench. It was a well padded device that let a woman kneel comfortably on it without getting tired. It angled her ass and pussy in the air while letting her tits hang over the side. It was made by a very religious and horny carpenter.
Ezekiel pulled off his pants. He took his cock in one hand while still holding the microphone in the other.
“Sinners and sluts, let me tell you that this is one wet pussy! This pussy would have made Noah build a bigger Ark! This is a HOLY place that I am about to enter! Can I get an AMEN?”
“AMEN!” the crowd yelled and that was when Ezekiel slipped his cock inside Maria.
“PRAISE JESUS!” Maria yelled.
“Praise Jesus!” Ezekiel agreed. “Praise Jesus who took six inches of cock and satisfied an entire party! Praise Jesus who made the flat-chested get boobs and made the small dicks get bigger! Praise Jesus who tore out the banks in the temples and added an orgy room! Praise Jesus who gave Maria this really good cunt! Can I get an AMEN?”
“AMEN!” everyone yelled.
Ezekiel pounded Maria. He fucked her with all the lust and love in his heart. He fucked her like it was his divine mission. He fucked her because she deserved to be fucked. He fucked her religiously.
“Madre de Dios!” Maria yelled. She looked out at the crowd of fellow sinners and sluts and saw their love.
“Praise the Lord!” Ezekiel yelled.
“I’m COMING!” Maria yelled.
“AMEN!” the crowd cheered.