Jun 012012
 

Ladies, gentlemen and esteemed members of the Weekly World News, welcome to our final pre-expedition press release.  I am Professor Rios and I will be leading a research team into the deepest parts of Antarctica in search of the mysterious Land of Cat-Women!

I was fortunate to have the backing of several adventure minded anthropologists as well as generous grants from the Furry community.  I would like to take this moment to thank noted Furry community member, Lord Fluffmuffer, who personally donated one million dollars for top of the line video cameras and cat scratch boards.  I also want to thank Dr. Otto Von Madd, who provided high quality condoms designed for most humanoid sexual organs.

We will be making our voyage on the Dirty Secret, a cargo ship that was retrofitted in the 70’s into a floating swappers’ club but now has been re-retrofitted into a frozen water explorer.  We took out the fur room and replaced it with our computers but we kept the hydroponics bay to store food and cat nip.

Our Captain, Oswald Cleaver, assures me that this ship can safely reach Antarctica and that his crew of ruthless but lovable reformed Somalian pirates is up to the task.  He is looking forward to the voyage and has already let his back hair grow out in anticipation of the cold voyage.

Let me introduce the brave adventurers accompanying us.

Ian Xavier will be our lead explorer and expedition guide.  Mr. Xavier has been to the deepest parts of the Amazon Jungle, fought savage intelligent monkeys in the wilds of Africa and once spent a frightening year in the small towns of North Carolina.  Mr. Xavier has never been to Antarctica but after dealing with BBQ doused in vinegar in North Carolina, Mr. Xavier says that Antarctica will be a piece of cake.

Aiding him will be noted explorer, Ulysses Cameron.  Mr. Cameron is better known for his series of survival shows where he is dumped in some hellhole like Utah and is forced to survive on his own piss and scavenged bags of potato chips in the wild.  Mr. Cameron also has never been to the Antarctica but he has an amazing ass which experts think will mean a lot to the anal fixated Cat-Woman.

Doctor Yolanda Vette will be our biologist on this trip.  Ms. Vette is a cat expert and noted cat lover who has been banned from seventeen zoos for unlawful carnal experiments with tigers and lions.  Some people in the science community think she is a freak but I think her transgressions show how far she will go for scientific curiosity. 

Professor Ted Banwitz is a historian and will be coming along to offers explanations for how Cat-Women manage to be living in Antarctica anyway.  Mr. Banwitz is has done remarkable work in proving the existence of an underground race of perverts who have preyed on humanity through out the ages despite the censorship of the Vatican and the PTA.  I welcome his insights on this voyage.

Doctor Miyoko Nagi shall be our anthropologist. I have been following her fascinating career as she has traced the origin of the dildo back through the ages.  Her discovery of ancient G-spot dildos in Africa has been dismissed by the scientific community as perverse and characteristic of a size-queen, but I find her work very important.  She will be invaluable as we try to study the Cat-Women.  I also think her hair is what heaven smells like.

Because of the suspected violent nature of the Cat-Women, I have reached outside the scientific community to enlist the aid of some people who can aid in communication.  For these purposes, I have hired Mistress Natasha Volkov and Mistress Wanda Violence who goes by the nickname, “Ice Queen.”  Never underestimate the power of a coincidental name!  These two shall help us establish relations with the power oriented Cat-Women

I wanted to hire a sex blogger to chronicle our exploits but that proved difficult.  Most sex bloggers will only work for free sex toys and the others are too busy publishing their smut on Kindle and iTunes.  After an exhausting search and many Twitter interviews, I finally found an out of work college student who thinks she can get school credit for this trip.  I am not allowed to reveal her real name so she will only be listed by her pseudonym, Naked-Heart.  I can also reveal that she is 20 something, masturbates frequently and is desperately bisexual.

That’s our team!  We shall be leaving tonight and if all goes well, we will be sending back regular updates through the miracle of satellite phone technology.  We will be sending back information as soon as we get it!

This concludes our press conference but please come to the lounge for drinks. There will be a needle play demonstration by Mistress Natasha Volkov and a poetry reading by Naked-Heart.

  5 Responses to “Launch of the Dirty Secret”

  1. Sounds like a lot of fun. Can’t wait to see how it turns out. And I hope terrible, terrible things happen.

  2. Hmmm…my interest is piqued.

  3. I second above comment, I didn’t think he was going to get the support for this trip, but now they got a team and are ready to set sail, it’s begging for a story (no doubt that’s already playing in your mind)

    You’ve got us hooked, line and sinker, I await their next report :)

  4. t’Sade- You have no idea lol. Actually, knowing you, you just might.

    Literate – Which means you have 100% more interest than National Geographic when Prof Rios pitched this expedition.

    Mystique – Never underestimate the financing capabilities of the really weird and bizarre.

  5. That was totally awesome! I hope they find what they’re looking for …

    xx Dee

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