The urologist reports that the Giant Nad was cancerous. It didn’t have any visible branches into other organs or blood vessels so there is a chance that it was all removed when the Giant Nad was removed.
On Monday I go to get a mess of body CAT scans to see if they can find signs of the cancer anywhere else. If that is the case, then it will be chemo treatments.
I was a bit disappointed to not be issued a cancer ribbon right then and there but apparently you have to buy that yourself. I might commission an artist to do it.
In my mind I knew that it was 99.9% likely it was cancer but it is a weird world and I have learned not to dread anything until it is right in my face. Cancer is in my face now and although there is a very high chance that it is already gone, the more successful strategy is to assume it is not and search for it.
Mortality is a funny thing. I find myself thinking about the book I am working on where seven magnificent female gunslingers in the wild west band together to fight vampires. From that start of that novel, I knew some of those characters were going to die and now I feel like I have something in common with them. I worry that the cancer anxiety will impact the quality of my writing and I feel a strange obligation to the characters to do the best job possible. We all only get one chance to tell our story.
I am feeling pretty morbid so I will stop here before I start sounding like one of the replicants from Blade Runner. As always, I appreciate the kind words and warm thoughts that you have shared with me these past few weeks. It means a lot to me and is more of a comfort than you could ever imagine.