Dr. Otto Von Madd here with an important public announcement. Every year, dozens of street walking hookers abandon the physical dangers of their profession to embrace the spiritual hazards of converting to various religion. Groups like ‘Ho’s for the Savior’, ‘Short-sleeve Whores for Muhammad’, and ‘Fertile Sluts for Mormons’ are converting prostitutes at tragic rates. These poor women are giving up their valuable skills and experiences in order to be slaves to out dated mythologies administered by controlling slave masters of religion.
Here at Von Madd Laboratories, we have decided to aid these poor men and women. I am happy to announce the creation of “Hookers for Science!” This organization will seek out and rescue high risk sex workers from the clutches of evil pimps and wicked priests. We will give them jobs in the Sexual Sciences Industry and give them a fulfilling lifestyle helping humanity overcome the sexual questions of our time.
Job opportunities include advising on Sexual Fantasy Recreation, Multiple Partner Dynamics, Gag Reflexology, and Economics. Test Subjects are needed for hundreds of different Sex Toy Prototypes. Exciting opportunities exist in the fields of Fake Lesbian Recreation, Sexually Transmitted Disease Control and Emergency Knife-fighting.
Our ultimate goal is to provide a safe environment for sex workers to develop highly profitable skills in self sufficiency while keeping their will free from the terribly corrupting influences of superstition and blind obedience to sky gods.
So please take some time out of your busy day and approach a local street walker. Explain to her the benefits of Hookers for Science! Explain it to her before some primitive savage convinces her to give her brilliant sexy mind to sun worshiping or praying to plants.