Mar 142011
 

Months like these I wish I had an all powerful deity to blame for my woes. Non-divine shit, I have had a rough month. We are in day 63 of Work Super Project and it should wrap up sometime in April(!) I pray for death but sweet release never comes.

In the meantime, I read and watch porn.

My own writing has dribbled into a limp parody of itself. I exhausted the last of saved stories last week. I did manage to cough up a Holly Valentine story for Wednesday due to some topical inspiration. I have to tell you, overwhelming work stress just facefucks the Muse. It is hard to get inspiration when you are gagging on Excel sheets.

One thing that I have been inspired to do is work on the Farmer’s Daughter Almanac as a book for 2012. The idea of doing an entire book was daunting but it occurred to me that if I invited other people to contribute, it wouldn’t be the massive pain that it could be. I have asked a few writers already to submit some articles and hopefully by December, I will have a full book to publish.

Because everyone is contributing, I decided we should sell the book on Lulu at cost. That way anyone who wants one can buy and no one makes a profit. It is just an exercise in creating a completely unnecessary book.

Writing a guidebook for the sex lives of farmers and farm wives has been way too much fun. The key is to not write for real farmers, but mythical farmers. The kind of farmers who worry about Bigfoots, Satan and city folks. The kind of farmers who can grow sex toys in their gardens. The kind of farmers who engage in salcious Cucumber Queen festivals. These farmers have as much to do with real farmers as the Island Princess does with Hawaii.

At this level of work stress, something as ridiculous as the Farmer’s Daughter’s Almanac is a welcome relief. I love to make shit up. Coming up with a new story for the Librarians can be tricky, but coming up with a fake history for the man who spread bondage through the farmlands is as easy as apple pie.

If you would like to contribute fake articles for a fake almanac, drop me an email and I will send you the submission guidelines. You will get a writing credit and since this is porn, anonymity will be completely respected.

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