Feb 212011
 

Love is a complicated thing. Sometimes we marry our middle school sweetheart and sometimes we don’t marry at all because the men are kind of stupid. Sometimes it is more fun to fuck than to get married. The problem is that after fucking six different guys on Saturday, Reverend Busybody is preaching about you on Sunday. Or maybe Daddy gets mad and shoots one of your lovers. Or worse, Momma decides to become a MILF and steal all your boys. What’s a Farmer’s Daughter to do?

Well in the old days, women of a certain sexual healthiness would fuck in the barn. This causes all sorts of problems. For one, it scares the horses. Second, it is the first place fathers, mothers, peeping tom clergy and jealous wives look. Fucking in the barn is a lot like hiding money in your pussy, it’s the first place everyone looks.

The Farmer’s Daughter offers the following suggestions.

Cellar Hideaway: Dig a cellar and tell your family it’s for tornadoes. This will allow you to stuck it with supplies like a comfortable bed, food, water and your favorite lubricant. Heck, if a tornado does come through, you got yourself set up for a very busy night.

Church: Think about it, unless it is a Sunday, that big old Church is empty most other days of the week. You haven’t lived till you have been bent over a pew or eaten under the altar. You’re going to be calling out to God anyway; might as well do it where he can hear you.

The Outhouse: Yeah, it is not sexy in there I know. But think about this, if you walked by an outhouse and it was shaking and you heard a bunch of moans, would you bother them?

Your Daddy’s Bed: This is a good one. If your Daddy does come to the bedroom to find you fucking the entire Bible Quiz team in his bed, he won’t say anything. He would be too ashamed of admitting that he was so lazy that he went to his bedroom before sundown.

  2 Responses to “Farmer’s Daughter’s Almanac: Don’t Scare the Horses”

  1. This would be the coolest reference book ever. It has so much potential :-)

  2. Derek- Thanks, I thought about making one for 2012, but the art assets and time required would have been staggering. I would need to contract parts of it out. Hmmm.

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