Jan 032011
 

I am not a fan of New Year’s Resolutions. They always seemed to be set ups for failure and always a perverse tradition of adding stress and deadlines after what is supposed to be a relaxing period. I am certainly reconsidering that attitude.

I have a different attitude now due to some recent medical scares. My yearly physical revealed an irregularity with my heartbeat and I was sent to take a stress echo test of my heart. I was also diagnosed with my pituitary gland not producing the hormone to tell my testicles to create testosterone. I was scheduled to have an MRI of my head to see if there are any tumors. Medical science being what it is, I had to make appointments, wait, fill out forms, wait, have the tests done and then wait for the results to be analyzed. As a writer, waiting is pretty much asking my brain to conjure up all sorts of negative scenarios. I’ve been a little stressed.

This stress has made me reconsider the way I do things. I tend to create pressure for myself without the help of others. I religiously come up with a new story to post every week because I feel that if I didn’t post a story, there would be next to no reason to visit my blog every week. I also want to make more books and long stories but that 52 stories a year deadline is a killer. I put out four books last year, 52 stories and wrote the majority of a 5th book. That is pretty nice and I am proud of it but it is also exhausting. I know I should slow down but it is very hard to do so without feeling like I am lazy.

My heart echo came back and my heart is great. Today I find out about the MRI and whether I will need surgery. Even if I do, there is not much risk to my overall health. All in all I am in good hands but man, weeks of waiting for tests and results have worn me down. It killed my writing and not writing stressed me out more. I felt like I was a failure at my own hobby.

With that in mind, I am going to aim for a bit more relaxation. I can’t do much to reduce my work stress except perhaps give less of a fuck, but I am going to work really hard on not being my own worse enemy. I may recycle more pre-blog stories into the blog on Wednesdays to give myself more weeks off. I may give up posting weekly altogether if I find myself on a good streak of writing chapters for one of my books.

I am still debating what to do but my overall goal is to fucking relax. I love writing and I will never stop but sometimes I just don’t have anything written for you right now. Does that make sense?

Picture is of London Andrews because holy shit, every year needs something beautiful to start with.

  4 Responses to “New Year’s Corrections”

  1. Relax! Take care of yourself first of all. Write whenever you want and don’t worry about publishing so often or whatever, I know for myself I’ll be visiting whether you publish once a week or once a month or once a year! I couldn’t possibly stay away.

    I hope the New Year is full of health, laughter and lots of good sex! :) Thank you for all you do.

  2. Prince Humperdinck: [sincerely] Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I’m swamped.

    Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything.

    Not saying relaxing is a good thing, I have a serious problem with doing it myself. Your productivity is impressive, as usual, and I’d be happy no matter what you do.

    Take care.

  3. I go through phases of checking in regularly with you and then not for weeks or (winces) months.

    Try to relax, it’s important to your health (everyone’s health) – your dedicated readers love you, regardless of whether you post regularly/daily or not.

    Big hugs and I’m glad your heart is okay.

  4. Anonymous- Thanks!

    t’Sade- lol. I am pretty vain about my productivity and yet it also drives me nuts. Thanks for the nice words.

    Musns- Thanks! It helps to hear that so I can relax and not stress.

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