Dear Sirs or Madams,
Congratulations on your purchase of Kothic Manor. It is a wonderful house with a long and distinguished history. I hope that your stay here will be as eventful and exciting as it was when I lived here.
I would like to introduce myself. I am Lord Kothic, the builder of this house just a century ago. You may wonder how I am able to communicate to you but rest assure that the black magic and gruesome sacrifices that I practiced has ensured my continual immortality.
The purpose of this letter is to inform you that I plan to molest you in your sleep. My body is no longer human but I have many useful new appendages and an insatiable lust for fucking the living. When I say that I will molest you in your sleep do not worry that you will sleep through it. You have my personal guarantee that you will be awake for every perverse second while I abuse your body to my undying heart’s content.
Please do not concern yourself with your gender. At my state, a warm body is pretty much the same no matter the plumbing. As long as you have a mouth and an ass, I will be sure to penetrate you in ways that will surprise and terrify you.
I would also like to assure you that if you are sharing your bed with a loved one, that it shall not protect you. In fact, I will penetrate both of you happily at the same time so you can share the experience. As I said, my body is no longer human and quite frankly, the more the merrier.
I do politely ask that you refrain from bringing any weapons to bed and try to use them on me. That’s rude and I am afraid I may become a little cross. By cross I mean I might take you downstairs to my secret lair for my own amusement. The forever disappearance of home owners tends to make it harder for the house to be sold again. No body wants that.
Last, I would like to make a small request. If one of you could wear a corset, that would be most appreciated. Also, candle light would really help set the mood.
Until I hold you down in your bed and take you,
Thrice Damned and Twice Blighted, Lord Kothic