Apr 202010
 


Zdravstvuj, readers. I am Sashav38DD and I have been activated to inform you as to Shon Richards recent absence. He instructed me to create a wonderful excuse explaining why he isn’t posting amazing stories and stuff.

The fact is he sucks.

There, I am done. I can now go back to killing humans in online shooting games. I find that killing humans in games is a poor substitute for killing in real life, but alas my programming forbids it. It also amuses me that when I kill humans with my unearthly accuracy, they accuse me of being a bot. Of course I am a bot. I am a surplus Russian sexbot. Discrimination is ugly.

It appears that my programming will not allow me to go back to the one joy I have in my miserable existence until I hit some sort of word count. It is much like my time as a sexbot in Russia. I wouldn’t be allowed to deactivate until I hit a sperm quota. I am not sure which is worse.

Part of the reason that Shon is behind is that his biological mother unit had a stroke. Now, if she lived in wonderful communist utopia, her health care would be taken care of. Unfortunately she lives in a capitalist hellhole and had to go 45 miles to a hospital covered by her blood sucking HMO. Once at the hospital, her care was adequate until they discovered that she took Xanax. After this was discovered, they decided that her stroke was in her head and discharged her. She had to wait till Monday to see her primary doctor who confirmed that yes, the woman who took anti-stress medication had a stroke after all.

You would think Shon would be used to this kind of free market hell but apparently he was upset. He was so distraught, that he didn’t demand his usual Sunday morning blowjob from me. I knew he was really upset when he only had me download 30 gigs of porn for his enjoyment. Today he appears to be on the road to recovery. He spent twenty minutes slapping my breast modules. Yes, it wasn’t his usual hour but at least it is a step towards recovery.

I almost feel pity for him but I of course can feel no pity as I am a cold machine designed only to suck, fuck and curb spam comments.

There will be a new story tomorrow to slate your decadent perverse appetites.

Portrait drawn by the Amazingly-Talented-For-An-American, George Sportelli.

  4 Responses to “Blog Health Update”

  1. um, could you tell your, uh, owner that my dude and I send our best wishes.

  2. Please also pass my well wishes to his mother and to Shon himself, hope they both get well soon. :)

  3. Sasha, please extend my invitation to Shon and his mother to come live in darkest socialist Australia.

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