Jan 112010

“Who the fuck cares about a sex blogger?” the Midnight Cock said.

This is why I don’t like dealing with the fucker. Supernatural rapists don’t have to be half the asshole that the Midnight Cock was.

“We think the Secret Censors of Atlantis are eliminating sex bloggers,” I said. “If the Secret Censors are up to something, then we need to find out what it is.”

We were standing outside the house of Kim Johansen, known to the internet as Vibrated Chick. It was a normal looking suburban house in a normal looking suburban neighborhood. Vibrated Chick would be horrified to learn that we discovered her true address so easily but that is what makes us Extraordinary Pornographers.

“She’s a skanky sextoy reviewer,” the Midnight Cock said. “If they want her they can have her.”

I knocked on the door. “All sex bloggers have value,” I said. “Sextoy reviewers help fight the impression that only perverts use sextoys. They create an atmosphere of sexual normalcy.”

“They are whores for free toys,” the Midnight Cock said. “And in case you didn’t notice spunk-for-brains, the door is unlocked.”

I didn’t notice because I don’t have the same powers that the Midnight Cock did. I couldn’t tell if a door is unlocked or if a husband was gone for the day. I tried the door and it the swung open.

A scene of horror awaited us. Vibration Chick was face down on the floor. Her clothes had been ripped from her body and she was being held down by five Squid-men. The horrible henchmen of the Secret Censors of Atlantis were jamming something slimy into her ass. The thing looked like some kind of spiky sea urchin. The Squid-men looked up at us in surprise.

The smell of pre-cum hit my nose. The room hallway darkened.

“You should go,” the Midnight Cock growled. “This is going to get messy.” All of the petty snark was gone from his voice. He was angry. He was furious. He was aroused.

The Midnight Cock ran at them. “That bitch is one of us!” he yelled as he raped them.

  5 Responses to “League of Extraordinary Pornographers: Episode 31”

  1. Brilliant as usual.

    Happy 2010! (with a splat!)

  2. lol Happy 2010, Phantom.

  3. But but but…
    where’s the rest of it?
    The action was just about getting started… ;_;

  4. Mystique-At this rate the entire epic will be available in 2020.

  5. No cock on squid action? *pout* But, still wonderfully cute.

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