May 132009

Dr. Otto Von Madd pressed the button. A force field appeared around the red paddle and Otto tapped the paddle onto his hand. The force field amplified his tiny amount of tapping into a powerful blow in his hand. It looked like the Momentum-Assisted Paddle could be ready for the Summer Kink Convention season.

“Dr. Von Madd,” an urgent voice said in his ear. “We have an emergency on level Seven.”

Otto sighed. “There is always an emergency, Tanya; it’s why I hired you as my Security Chief. I would have thought your extensive background with corporate espionage would have prepared you for any emergencies that would arise.”

There was a pause on the communication line. “Doctor, I once fought off an attack from the Duchandu Corporation that consisted of a team of Ninjas led by a top heavy blonde and crazy brunette who wore the tightest jeans you have ever seen. I can handle high stress situations, I’m just not exactly sure what it is we have destroying the organic sex toys department.”

“My apologies,” Otto said. “I forget you have just started last week. Please describe the emergency.”

“We have a nearly naked redhead running around in the Organic SexToy Laboratory,” Tanya reported. “All she is wearing is a long black duster and a pair of sunglasses.”

“Obviously she must be a scientist who got into the aphrodisiac garden,” Otto said. “How does this constitute an emergency?”

“Well, she’s shooting lasers out of her hands for one,” Tanya said dryly.

Otto put down the paddle. “Hmm, any other unusual attributes?”

“So far she has kicked down a steel door, jumped twenty feet to avoid a pit trap and so far she hasn’t missed a single scientist that she has aimed at.”

“Oh wait, is it May already?”

“Uh, Doctor, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Everything Tanya,” Otto said. “Every May someone sends a robot assassin to kill me. You said it was a redhead?”

“Yes, Doctor.”

“Hmm, that’s nice. Last year it was an blonde and the year before it was a very curvy black female. A redhead is a nice change of pace. What would you estimate her cup size to be?”

“Oh those things are D’s at least,” Tanya said. “I’m sorry Doctor, but you’re saying someone tries to kill you every May? Why May?”

“Excellent question,” Otto said. “I suspect it has something to do with the fact that time travel is far more reliable when during the month of May. If they sent it any other month, they stand a good chance of losing their robot entirely or worse, missing their target by an entire century. You know, my uncle Ludwig had a theory that Queen Victoria was originally a lost time traveling robot.”

“Wait a minute,” Tanya said. “This thing is from the future? Who is trying to kill you in the future?”

Otto shrugged. He walked to his personal elevator and set the destination for his armory. “Some admirer I think. So far all of the robots have been body types I am attracted to.”

“Shall I mobilize the security robots after it?” Tanya asked.

“Absolutely not,” Otto said. “What is the fun in that? I shall subdue it personally. I have a suit of armor ready for this sort of thing. It’s equipped with EMP gloves and a magnetic field condom.”

“A condom?” Tanya asked.

“Of course,” Otto said. “I’m not going to fuck a sexy killer assassin robot from the future without one.”

“But why, doctor? Why would you fuck a sexy killer assassin robot from the future in the first place?”

“Ah, the question is, why would they send a SEXY robot if they didn’t mean for me to fuck it?” Otto said.

There was silence on the line. Otto could almost his picture the look on his security chief’s face. Her blue eyes would be closed and her excellent mouth would be open in disbelief. He thought about her sensible short blonde hair and shook his head. No sense in fantasizing about the staff when he had a perfectly good sex robot to subdue.

“I am almost ready,” Otto said. “Please evacuate the floor and seal the exits after I enter. Oh, and give me at least four hours before contacting me again. I like to enjoy my gifts.”

“Understood, Doctor,” Tanya said. “Uh . . .never mind.”

“Go ahead, Tanya. You had a question?”

“Can I watch?” Tanya asked.

Otto smiled and adjusted his goggles. “You’re my security chief. Of course you can.”

  8 Responses to “Fiction: Robot Killer Surprise”

  1. Waitaminute! Does this mean Otto exists in the same universe as Thigh vs Thigh?


  2. I have a hard time picturing a universe that doesn’t have Amy and Bethany in it.

  3. “Well, she’s shooting lasers out of her hands for one,” Tanya said dryly.Of all the random things this assassin can do. *laughs*
    Made for a very interesting mental image, I must say…

    I have missed Otto, I must confess. It’s the formula of kinky goodness and sexy fun that never fails to leave me grinning when a story is done.

    Many thanks for it. ^^

  4. I go too long between Otto stories because the guy is constantly in my head making observations. I forget sometimes that other people don’t hear him.

  5. “Ah, the question is, why would they send a SEXY robot if they didn’t mean for me to fuck it?” Otto said. Nice.

  6. CRwM- Thanks. I mean, really. It just seems obvious.

  7. Now that you’ve laid out the possibility, have you ever thought of a Thigh vs. Thigh / Otto crossover story? It would be quite fun to see the girls back in action again… (And Otto continues to be fun all by his lonesome–well, maybe not completely by his lonesome. ;) )

  8. Anonymous- I was halfway through a story once where Amy would be captured as she tried to infiltrate Von Madd Laboratories and Otto offers her a job. It would have made her a semi reoccurring character as his espionage agent. I junked the idea because it goes against the core duality of Amy/Bethany. They compete against each other yet they are almost identical.

    When last I left them, they were hired by the same company. I always intended to return to the characters to show how they still compete while working together but that is a fundamentally tricky thing to pull off in a short story. I’ve debated breaking them up again because Buddha knows, the world is a far more interesting place now than when they last competed against one another.

    So I guess the anwser is, I think about it a lot and yet I haven’t written anything yet.

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