Almost every videogame website I visited this morning has an ad for the online game, Civony. The ad features a lovely lady telling you to defend your lands, your armies and your Queen. Hmmm. I just finished an epic game of Galactic Civilizations last night where I led my custom made Blissians into their sexual conquest of the universe so I am not quite ready to do it again on a medieval scale but the idea is intriguing. Is the Queen a demanding dominatrix who rules her kingdom through your micromangement? Or is the Queen your royal concubine who you treasure and hoard away from other horny kingdoms?
The anwser is neither. It’s a free online version of Age of Empires. From what I can tell from reviews, there isn’t even a Queen. Oh joy.
I shouldn’t be upset. I mean, Everquest got things rolling with Firiona Vie and ever since, MMORPG’s have had hot female mascots for their games. You certainly can play a woman as hot as Firiona, but Firiona herself has little to do with the gameplay.
I think that is where I get annoyed. Let’s make the sexy woman an important part of the game. I’m a dominant male and even I would get a kick out of having some sexy Red Queen type give me my mission briefings. Or heck, reverse the power dynamic and make the Queen my prize where every town I conquer gives me another piece of lingerie I can dress her in. I don’t care which direction you go, just make the damn sexy queen in your advertisement actually have something to do with the game.
Fucking videogame cockteases.
Which brings my to the point of my post: This is where you get your ideas, writers. When the advertising world lies to you about the sexual content, it is up to you to deliver it on your own. Save your free time by not playing Civony and instead write the story Civony suggested to you.
And if you do make a game that involves a Queen, let me know, alright?