“This is Scarlett Drake. I’m a super-villainess who uses a pirate theme to commit my crimes. Did you know that pirates in the Caribbean used democracy all the time? The Captain was the highest authority in combat, but the entire crew voted on matters such as where to sail, how to divide treasure and which bar wench to fuck first.
If you are an American and you’ve voted, great job. Have some rum on me. If you are not voting, my question is why the fuck not? Are you telling me that illiterate scurvy ridden sea dogs with syphilis had a greater sense of civic duty than you do? I should stab your useless carcass with my laser cutlass.
As a pirate, I am voting for Barack Obama. Seriously, if we have four more years of Republican economics, there might not be an economy for me to steal from anymore. There is no 700 billion dollar buyout for pirates. And that Alaska chick? There is only room for one hot super-villainess and that is going to be me.”
Commission Art by Infinite Silence