Oct 052008
 

China was a lot rockier than Michael expected.

Not that Michael had seen much of China. Lo had some sort of pull with the government that allowed Michael to not even go through customs. They had jumped off their international plane and right into a small chartered plane. The only thing that made that tight cramped space bearable was that the Eight Sisters were crammed in the plane with him. Their soft flesh pressed constantly against him and their eyes were filled with worship. Michael could get used to that.

Once they touched ground again, Lo instructed the sisters to take Michael’s luggage to the monastery. Lo had asked Michael to come with him down a long rocky path.

“You said the monastery was filled with wealth and luxury, right?” Michael asked.

“Oh yes,” Lo said. “The Master of Spanking never wants for anything except for new asses to spank. And even then, there is never a shortage of women who desire his hard hand.”

“Well, why aren’t we going there?” Michael said.

“Because I have not been entirely honest with you as to why we need you here,” Lo said.

“I knew it,” Michael said. “I knew it was too good to be true. I mean, a paradise for a reincarnated guy who loves to spank people? That’s just silly.”

Lo sighed and kept walking. “The monastery is a paradise, but I have yet to tell you the story of why the Master of Spanking has such wonderful wealth.”

“Long ago,” Lo began, “the Great Dragon plagued the land.”

“A dragon?” Michael said. “For real? Big, scaly and breathes fire?”

Lo shook his head. “No, Western dragons are vulgar and crude. Chinese dragons are magnificent terrible forces of nature. You can not describe them, for they just are. Now let an old man tell you a story on a hot day.”

“The Great Dragon terrorized China. It destroyed dreams, it crushed hope and it devoured the will of the people. Of course, the great heroes tried to stop the dragon.

The Master of Farming took his mighty hoe and tried to cultivate the Great Dragon. His hoe was broken and his skull was shitted out into the land.

The Master of Swords took his greatest sword and tried to stab the Great Dragon. His sword was broken and his skull was shitted onto the land.

The Master of Poetry took his greatest pen and tried to soothe the Great Dragon. His pen was broken-“

“And his skull was shitted onto the land,” Michael finished. “I get the point.”

“Well, there were a lot of Masters back then,” Lo admitted, “so maybe it’s best we move on. Sixty-six Masters died until the Master of Spanking was left. He took not a paddle but only his bare hands. He walked into the Great Dragon’s cave and then he emerged. The Great Dragon was defeated.”

“Wait a minute,” Michael said. “He won? How did he do it? And what is that awful smell?”

Lo ignored the last question and kept walking. “No one knows what the Master of Spanking did. He told no one but it was clear the Great Dragon preyed on the people no more. The locals showered great wealth upon him, until one day, fifty years later, the people could feel the ground tremble around the Great Dragon’s cave.”

“Oh, the dragon was still alive?” Michael said.

“Yes,” Lo said. “And the Master went back in, and came back out. He said that it would be another fifty years before the Great Dragon would trouble the land again. He never told anyone what he did, but when he passed away, he was reborn, and he battled the Great Dragon once more. On and on this has continued, until this very day.”

“That smell is getting unbearable,” Michael said. “Is that normal around here?”

“Four months ago, Shi Da, the latest Master of Spanking, went into the cave of the Great Dragon. He went in four months early, for the Master of Spanking always felt it was best to do these things ahead of the appointed time.”

“Wait, there’s already a Master?” Michael said.

Lo shook his head. He stopped walking and pointed at what looked like a boulder to Michael. The wind shifted and Michael realized it was really a giant ball of shit.

“What the fuck is that?” Michael said.

“That fell from the sky,” Lo said. “And in it, we found Shi Da’s skull. That was when we knew that he was not the real Master of Spanking.”

“Shit,” Michael said.

“Yes, and now we need the real Master of Spanking. All around the world, those who survived our tests will meet and one of them will prove to be the Master of Spanking. The one true Master will walk into the cave and do whatever it is that the Master of Spanking does to the Great Dragon. And the Master will enjoy a lifetime of Spanking here at the monastery.”

“Shit,” Michael repeated. He was trying to guess the size of the dragon that could shit that big of a mess.

What Michael and Lo could not know was that it would not be the wise monks who choose the Master this time.

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