Wow, I put off doing a main page for this story for almost a year. I think that answers the question of how connected this story was to my actual divorce.
I don’t remember how I had the idea for this story but I know I wrote it drawing upon my own unhappy marriage and the unhappy marriages that I have read so many times in other people’s blogs. There are patterns that are repeated, stories that are almost retold over and over by different people that last Halloween I realized that I could tell a story that was a distillation of all that unhappiness.
What happened is I ended up telling my story. I had to look at my own unhappiness and how easily I distracted myself from the problems in my relationship. Hannah used chores and she had a self esteem based on the things that distract her. I had my writing, my videogames and my friends. And just like Hannah, when exciting sexual situations intersected my life, I realized just how unhappy I was. I had given up on my own happiness.
A month after this story posted I broke up with my wife. I had met someone that I really liked and adored but I never imagined running off with her. I just didn’t do that. But after writing Hannah, and soaking in her sad life, I knew that I couldn’t live like that. Like Hannah, I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do, but I knew I couldn’t continue like I have.
Neither should you.