I tried to explain the concept of ‘Nipple Love’ to my girlfriend. She screamed at me through hysterical laughter, “You’re making this shit up!”
Sigh. Let me set the scene. It was a dark and stormy Sunday. We had recently bought the ‘Curse of the Dark Pharoah’ supplement for what seems to be our weekly game of ‘Arkham Horror’. We bought the supplement in the hope that some new elements would jazz it up. What happened is the game got twice as fucking hard.
My girlfriend hit a string of bad luck. She rolled ten dice; none of them came up as successes.
“My dice are cursed!” she yelled.
“You got to show them love,” I said. “You have to show them Nipple Love.”
She started laughing. “What?”
I got very serious. “Look, gamers know that when your dice go bad, you have to charge them up. You rub them on your nipples.”
She kept laughing. “”You’re making this shit up!”
“No, that’s what you have to do! The dice need to touch you and get your essence.”
She half heartedly rubbed them on her shirt.
“Skin to dice contact!” I said.
“You just want to see my nipples,” she said.
“Woman, if I was making this up, I would say you had to put them in your mouth and put a cock in there too.”
She laughed and reached into her shirt. She rubbed the die on one nipple, and then the other. She then blew on the die which really cracked me up. Once you start doing one superstition, why not throw others too?
She rolled the dice. Mother-fucking six.