Good morning, you’re listing to the Von Madd Datalink Network, the number one source of information for all Von Madd Laboratories employees. I’m Ed Jackson and here is your morning briefing.
The Sex Robot Division is reporting that one of their creations is loose. If you are approached for sex by a beautiful six foot tall woman with sky blue hair, the Sex Robot Division would like for you to agree to sexual relations before reporting her location. Your input on her oral skills will be much appreciated.
There is a flood on Level Six closing off the entire floor. A vat of self-replicating lubricant has malfunctioned resulting in a complete submersion of the level. No casualties have been reported.
An orgy has broken out in the Vibrator Division. Technicians estimate that it will last another hour before the batteries wear out. If you want to participate please make sure you submit an Orgy-Participation Form to your supervisor before attending.
That’s the news for this morning. We’re going to stop for our mandatory hourly Sophie B. Hawkins music break. Join us after the break for an interview with Dr. Xavier Nin, who will be reporting on his progress on creating the first orbital Von Madd Laboratory.
I’m Ed Jackson and you”re listening to the Von Madd Datalink Network.