So I am sitting here this morning working when I see a flash of light coming from the wall outlet. The smell of ozone hit me and I knew that this was some deep shit. I shut everything down and called a friend so that they could be on the line to call 911 when I got electrocuted.
I wanted to call my wife. Isn’t that fucked up? She has the computer degree. She’s the one I turn to in all disasters computer related. I didn’t though. I don’t think she would have minded, but I had to deal with this myself, you know?
So after everything was turned off, I needed to turn off the switches on the power strips. I REALLY didn’t want to stick my fingers near there. Sara suggested something wooden but my new kitchen is all metal utensils. That is when I remembered my toybox. I have wooden spoons for spanking. Aha! Wooden Spanking spoon to the rescue.
After turning off the light switch, I had the scary task of unplugging the outlets from the wall. I don’t know if this is even necessary or safe, because I am not asking the ex, remember? This is just my own basic caveman knowledge of the magic we call electricity. The problem is that after working a car factory, I am really afraid of electricity. I have seen the videos of electric deaths. I want to unplug the cords, but I can’t bring myself to touch them and pull them out of the outlet.
BDSM toybox to the rescue again. I have a 20$ oven mitt made of space age materials that does a wonderful thud sensation in spanking. I use it on women who can’t take much pain, because it lets me swing full force and they get a nice pleasant thud. I am not sure how electric resistant it is, but it’s a big ass glove and that makes me feel better.
Seeing how I am online posting this, you can assume I did not die. I have moved all the plugs to other outlets and for the time things appear to be working. I didn’t have to call my ex and have her calm my hysterical ass down. Most importantly, I am not dead and I am thanking my box full of non-conductive sex toys for that.