You are cordially invited to the Von Madd Laboratories Christmas/Kwanza/Festivus/Whatever party being held December 21 at 8:00 pm. Please bring this invitation with you or else you will not be allowed into the party unless you submit yourself as a test subject for the new FlogMistress-3200 (Now with 20% more rotations!).
Food and drinks will be provided, as well as lube, mattresses and seasonal lingerie. A strictly dress code will be observed requiring at least fifty percent of flesh to be exposed. Lab coats may be worn if they are the only article of clothing being worn.
The mistletoe this year will emit a powerful aphrodisiac at random intervals resulting in kisses you may not be able to stop for an hour.
One percent of your fellow coworkers will actually be cleverly disguised sex robots. Take a chance this year on that coworker you have been crushing on, you might get lucky with them or at least get lucky with a highly accurate sex android version of them.
A vast majority of the candy canes will in fact be vibrators. Yo determine if a candy cane is in fact edible, you can test it by stroking the length of the cane three times. if it vibrates, it is not edible, though you may still want to put it in your mouth.
Presents will be distributed based on a system of peer appraisals, work reviews, outstanding sexual qualities and number of PhD’s. Presents could of course be traded but that is only if you have zero faith in Dr. Von Madd’s delicate and highly researched system, but that is your choice if you want to go against science and all. It is the holidays, you are allowed to throw away everything you beleive in just because you want something prettier than what you deserve.
You may of course bring your own presents to give to your coworkers based on your own flawed system.
Video cameras will be recording the entire party in order to provide Research and Development with necessary data. The film footage will also be used as outright porn for management and holiday cards for next year.
Dr. Otto Von Madd