Lately I have pretty much lost all of my physical sex drive. I have so little interest in actual sex these days. Creative sex is a whole other matter. I am brimming with story energy and excited about my long Halloween story coming up. It’s the actual sex that I have no interest in.
This was really apparent last Sunday when I met a really pretty domme with really cute hair. I found myself daydreaming about what it would take to get her back to my apartment so that I could take pictures of her. I daydreamed about where she could pose, what she would be wearing and what props she would be using. I thought about her necklace that disappeared into her cleavage and what angle I should use to take that picture.
Daydreaming about sex with her? Nothing.
It is nothing I am overly concerned with but it does make me wonder. I know I stopped looking for a BDSM relationship months ago but maybe now it has finally sank into my subconscious. Real relationships are hard, messy and anxiety inducing. I love the ideal of a sexual relationship but the reality of it fills me with dread.
Which I thought would hurt my writing but so far so good. Erotica is something I study, craft and improve on. There are far worse things to substitute sex for.