My favorite part about the actual trip to Orlando was the billboards. No, not the ones promising Pecans and Disney tickets at the next exit. The ones I liked were the dirty ones. The ones that promised adult novelties, leather goods, DVD’s and my personal favorite, free showers.
At the left is the sign for the Love Shack. I loved how their signs popped with color. Imagine my surprise when we got to the Love Stuff and we found a grungy brown building with missing letters. I would have taken a picture but there were three people outside smoking, and I have found people outside an adult business get nervous when you take pictures. I snapped a picture of the sign over the building instead. Sadly, the Love Stuff is going out of business.
I went through all 700 of my pictures and couldn’t find a single one for the most common sign I saw, the ones that promise that their staff “Bare it All”. Almost every adult business promises this, and it got me wondering if it is some sort of joke. Like they have a bear out front in a bikini. What fascinated me most about these signs is that they also promised “great food”.
That promise of “Great Food” is what really gets me. Naked girls? That’s cool. Adult leather clothes? Okay. Great food? Whoa, hold up now. Do you really want me to expect that? I mean, you can deliver on a naked girl. She might be uglier than Orlando humidty but naked is naked. Once you start promising great food though, I want to break out my notepad and my snobby attitude like Anton Ego from Ratatouille. I had to have this great food. I wanted to critique the ‘cuisine’ while naked girls danced to Poison. I wanted to look down on my plate and demand to see the chef. I also wanted to be waited on by a girl who bares all.
Sadly, my fellow coworkers on the trip thought I was crazy and refused to stop. I might have to field an expedition back down to Orlando to sample the cuisine. Anyone willing to fund this important research?