Jul 062007
 

Wendy Fullen was one of the few non-scientists who worked for Dr. Otto Von Madd. Wendy’s expertise was in marketing. She took his brilliant inventions and either found mass market applications for them, or she found incredibly wealthy deviants willing to pay ridiculous sums of money for an authentic Von Madd sex aid. Today however, she felt like maybe she was missing some essential science gene that would let her understand the Dr’s latest creation.

“Let’s go over this again,” Wendy said. The creation in question was a shiny silver vibrator that was sitting on the table between them. “It’s a vibrator with over a hundred different speeds.”

“Yes,” Otto said.

“It osscilates, undulates and penetrates?” Wendy said.

“Yes.”

“It is voice activated, and in fact, can be programmed with a begging chip, so that it only adjusts it’s speed if begged properly?”

“Yes.”

“And it ejects it’s own lube, which has already been warmed up by it’s own internal motor?”

“Yes.”

“Well I have to say this may be your best vibrator yet,” Wendy said. “But . . .”

“Yes?”

The vibrator on the desk twisted on it’s own. Little feet came out of the base while tiny mechanical arms came out the sides. A plate slid down to reveal an face with friendly purple glowing eyes. The vibrator stood up, pointed at Wendy, and winked. It looked terribly proud of itself.

“I guess I don’t understand why it changes into a robot,” Wendy said.

Otto paused. Wendy had seen these pauses before. It was the pause of a genuis, trying to shut down all the complex thoughts in his brilliant mind so that lesser minds could understand what he was trying to convey.

“Because robots are cool,” Otto said.

  9 Responses to “Fiction: Market Research”

  1. That was great, and hilarious! Thank you!

  2. T’sade- Thank you. I just wish I could came up with a name for the thing.

  3. “Because robots are cool.”

    Isn’t that just right – wow, I’m going to look at Transformers in a whole new light now!

  4. Musns- It’s actually a good movie by the way. I was pleasantly surprised.

  5. Otto’s Multifunction Self-Operating Quantifier of Nerve Velocity Conduction.

  6. “Satan’s Camero”

    I saw it on the 4th with family. Loved it – but I did grow up in that era.

  7. Great minds thinking alike and all that:

    http://www.webcomicsnation.com/justinpie/wonderella/series.php

    A funny comic in general by the way.

  8. Musns- ‘Satan’s Camaro’ should be the title of a movie, don’t you think?

    David- I am so jealous of the name Vibroaox. Thanks for reminding me of Wonderella, I lost the link in the last GreatCrash.

  9. Love the story. :)

    Robots are very cool. I always was a ‘Transformers’ kind of girl.

    Glad to see you back [and I’m glad to be back and reading after my little break].

    P.S. One small librarian pick…the contraction ‘it’s’ is incorrect–that usage doesn’t need an apostrophe.

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