“Dr. Amberg, what color are your panties this morning?”
Dr. Janet Amberg looked up from her computer. She was about to unleash a stream of verbal abuse on the asshole who asked that question, but the asshole appeared to be her boss. Otto Von Madd looked down at her through those silly goggles he was wearing all the time now. The lenses were a deep purple, which reminded Janet of head shops and stoned hippies. She didn’t think it was a flattering look for what could possibly be the smartest man she had ever met. Brilliant or not, he had still asked an inappropriate question.
“Dr. Madd …” Janet started, but he interrupted her.
“It’s Dr. Von Madd,” he snapped. “And answer the question, Dr. Amberg. What color panties are you wearing at this very moment?”
“Dr. Von Madd, I do not think that is the sort of question you should ask,” Janet said. “I could bring you up on sexual harassment charges.”
Otto sighed. It reminded Janet of when her sister had to explain to her niece such simple facts as that the sun would come up tomorrow. It was the sigh of a man who had very deliberately chosen not to be a teacher.
“Dr. Amberg, you will find that clause 69 in your contract explains that due to the sexual nature of our research, sexual harassment not only is permissible but will in the course of your employment sometimes be required. Now, please answer the simple question I asked you, in the name of science, or I may be forced to not only reassess how intelligent you are but also reassign you to the Sexual-Organ-Flavored Gum Testing Department.”
Janet thought about it. “I believe they are green, Dr. Von Madd.”
Otto squinted at her lap. Janet looked down and saw only her pants.
“You think? Are you not sure, Dr. Amberg?” Otto said. “Damn it, find out for sure before you report a result.”
Janet nodded and stood up. Otto’s eyes never left her crotch. She thought about turning around, but she was afraid to anger her boss even further. Her fingers went to unbutton her pants, but Otto raised his hand.
“Look, but don’t show me,” he said.
She pulled at her waistband and looked down. “Yes, green. There are green, Dr. Von Madd.”
Otto sighed. He touched the side of his goggles, and the lens appeared to ripple. The purple was a darker shade now.
“Dark green or very light, it’s-not-easy-being-green green, Dr. Amberg?” he asked.
“Uh, light green,” she said.
He touched the other side of his goggles, and the purples lenses rippled again. “And is there a lace border?”
Janet nodded. “Wait, how did you kn—?”
“Thank you, Dr. Amberg,” Otto said. “I’ve almost perfected the Nude-View Glasses, but they still need some fine tuning.”
Her face turned bright red. “You can see me in my underwear?”
Otto nodded. “Yes, Dr. Amberg. I would have never have guessed you were wearing a push-up bra. That is a very good job of concealing your lack of endowment, though I must say that your breasts are lovely the size they are.”
Janet folded her arms over her chest, but Otto Von Madd was looking down at her crotch again. He kept talking as he made more adjustments to the goggles.
“It’s quite simple, actually. The X-ray glasses I made in high school barely worked and might have caused a few cases of cancer. What I discovered recently was a way to see the bioelectric energy all living things create and then analyze the data for the amount of resistance clothes would generate. Did you know that different colors of cloth create different levels of resistance? By compensating for these resistances, I have created lenses that can see nude skin or be tempered to allow for various layers. I believe in a few more weeks, I’ll be able to switch between underwear-view and naked-view with a single adjustment.”
Dr. Janet Amberg suddenly felt very naked under her clothes.