Apr 072007
 

I went to Frolicon yesterday. It’s a kinky geek friendly convention that blew te pants off Midsouthcon in pure fun an information. It also blew the pants off half the attendees which makes it a different kind of fun. This is the first con I have been to with a sex orientation and I have to say, it’s going to make going to an all gamer convention a lot harder to return to.

I’m overloaded at the moment to really comment on Frolicon at the moment except for one personal note. This is going to take a moment so bear with me.

I attended a photoclub seminar which was a lot like I had imagined it in one of my first librarian story. I got to hang around real amateur photographers as well some very friendly models. I quickly discovered that somke models prefer to be the one in charge, shifting between poses that they like; while others got excited when I told them what I would like them to do and they complied. My first thought on the subject was hey, I’m a dom so of course I prefer to be calling the shots.

Later, I walked through the vending area which was loaded with sex toys and kinky gear. They had one small book and art section and I felt pretty disappointed. None of the gear really interested me.

Later I attended a seminar on emotional edge play. That’s when you do your damn best to break someone mentally using their worse fears or traumas. The point of the seminar was you pretty damn well know how to put them back together afterwards. What I found amusing is at one point the speaker asked the audience for personal experiences and I realized I had none. Well, none except the fiction I write. I started reviewing some of my stories and wondering which qualified for the kind of play she was talking about.

I was in the dungeon later watching people play. Most of the play was interesting and I actually knew a lot of the people playing, but I found myself bored. They lacked context. It was just sex and beatings. I daydreamed about who might be swapping tonight, or what their day jobs were.

I took 407 pictures. I saw women as creatures that caught the light. I helped a sexy friend of a friend to her room and all I could think about was how much I loved her skin tones and what sort of pictures would make that skin pop.

Last, I attended a burlesque show that had violent interpretations of the seven deadly sins. I had front row seats and was two feet away from naked flesh. My thoughts? I was rewriting their scenes because some of them were too similar.

So this morning I look back at all that and I realize that I identify much stronger as a writer and a creative pornographer than I do an actual kinky person. Oh I love spanking and I would love to have my own Ms. Currie one day; but I don’t focus myself on the skills that would make me a better dom. I like making porn, whether it’s visual fiction or text fiction. BDSM is a release and certainly a subject that interests me in fiction, but I am wondering how much my own BDSM desires are just an extension of my creative outlet.

  9 Responses to “Identity”

  1. interesting conundrum you have working there. could the fiction be an outlet for play you aren’t actively engaged in right now?

  2. red velvet- Now that I have had some sleep, I think you’re right of course. Reading your comment, I am thinking that writing might be my play :)

  3. There is a difference between being into it physically and writing about it. I’ve gotten that for most of my life too. Of course, I stick with topics of fantasy and sci-fi, but I think a really good example are my non-consensual stories. I write them because they turn me and others on, but that is one of those things where I’d happy go to prison for killing someone for doing it in Real Life. That is an extreme case, but the same applies to anything beyond using truck tie downs and dog collars for light bondage. And, beyond a foursome, I probably won’t do any gang bangs, even though most of those stories turn me on like no tomorrow. Writing is wonderful, creating sculptures of the mind and enjoying them without worrying about cleaning up, safe sex, or even rope burns unless you want to.

    In the last BDSM beach, which I naturally loved, shows a good example, when she falls asleep between her two lovers. That is a wonderful feeling of belonging and surrounded. In my reality, it is way too hot. :) I sleep with a sheet and a single blanket all year long and my mate goes from 3-8 blankets depending on the season. The one time I was between two lovers, I was gasping for breath and crawling over to the much cooler edge. :)

    So, I’m really glad you enjoy writing and I’d say it’s good to know that you aren’t entirely into the rest of the stuff, at least to the same degree as those at the convention.

  4. t’sade- I am leaning towards thinking the context is my kink. I could care less for watching an unknown woman get flogged by an unknown guy, but when a friend of mine choked and spanked his sub who had felt neglected and was acting out, that was far hotter.

    It was something to watch people hone so many physical skills for their BDSM play. I realize they spent so much time perfecting a knot when I spend just as much time trying to tell the story of why there are knots in the first place.

  5. And you create such lovely contexts. So easy to step into and so hard to let go when the story comes to an end. I find myself daydreaming about them at the oddest times …

  6. sarengetty- You say the sweetest things; thank you.

  7. I was one of the models at the photo club, and I was getting suspended both nights in the dungeon. I’m wondering if I know who you are?

    http://g-sabine.livejournal.com

  8. Anonymous- If you are who i think you are, you were dressed for the beach the first day, and in more gothic clothing the next day. I was the guy dressed as a mad scientist the second day, and boring black pirate t-shirt the second. E-mail me if you like.

  9. I understand what your saying, my dom is sooo far away, so in place of sex….I write about it, I mean it got to the point that my friends started telling me that I need to write porn O_0….lol. But you know what, I feel that because you need to really study a subject before you write about it sometimes, that you are in ways a little more educated about it….compared to many that just jump in without knowing anything beforehand….so its a good thing:)
    and please keep writing, cause you are so good at it;)

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