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I have a love for strip clubs and adult businesses; but only for the outside. I grew up in a military town which means the streets were filled with businesses aimed at striping money away from horny men making good money far from home. I lived there for 18 years before I ever saw the inside of one. Which means I had 18 years to build up an expectation that could never be fulfilled. Years of watching signs that promised hot adventures and beautiful girls did not prepare me for the reality of tired cynical women and really bad interior decorating.
This is a strip club in Memphis. I took the first picture driving by and isn’t it funny that it is probably the best one I took? The next day I went back and parked so I could get outside and take some closer pictures of the sign. I took three quick shots when I noticed the bald muscular bouncer jogging my way. I did what any sex blogger would do and I walked quickly back to my car, praying that he wouldn’t destroy my camera. Luckily for me, my pretty blonde wife fluttered her eyelashes and dropped 80 I.Q. points with her innocent voice.
“Hi!” she said happily to the now confused bouncer.
“Is there a problem?” he asked. His voice hinted that trouble was about to be unleashed. For some bizarre reason, I got the impression he had just seen ‘300’ and was dying to kill something.
“No trouble, my husband just likes to take pictures of signs.” Where did my wicked wife learn to play naive?
“Oh,” the bouncer said. He was just confused. I was smiling like a mute while my wife kept chatting.
“We just thought it was weird,” the bouncer said.
My wife shrugged. “Have a good day.” And that was that.
So many questions are left unanswered. Why was the bouncer so feisty? What does CDL mean? What kind of classy place have dances starting at 10$ and up? Did they pick the name ‘Showgirls’ before or after the movie? What camera tricks do I need to learn to have taken a better shot in that second picture?
And most of all, does my wife ever pull that dumb blonde trick with me and I haven’t noticed?