The family member who will be staying with us post phoned till Wednesday. Realizing we had a weekend of kink before we had to behave, the wife and I decided to attend two BDSM parties that were occurring on Saturday.
The first party was centered on wax play. A very enthusiastic dom told us about his ten year journey with playing with candles and wax. I don’t even have a passing interest in candle play, but I was fascinated to hear how this guy became his own authority in his fetish. He tried things, he screwed up a lot and now he makes sells candles on his website, BDSM Waxing Candles. Over the years he’s learned tricks as well as just working on his art with his willing canvases.
I asked him at one point if he was ever frustrated with being his own expert, or did he like being an explorer in his own fetish. He didn’t really understand the question which was an answer in itself. For me, I crave information and when I start a new interest I devour as much information as I can. But as I talk and meet more people in the BDSM world, the idea that information is something you could seek seems to be an alien concept to them. I don’t know if there is a jealous hording of information, or just a general sense that anything we do is best learned by trial and error.
Now that I think about it, I think it’s an age thing. Most older people in kink didn’t have websites, books and yahoo groups. They learned by trial and error and I think that’s why they go blank when I ask for tips. Their attitude is to get your hands dirty and get in there. Some days I find that depressing, but then I remind myself that they give that advice because they don’t see how you can screw it up so bad on your own. That’s reassuring.
Like I said, I had no interest in learning about wax play but I go to these things more for the social aspect. It’s good to de-mystify BDSM by actually meeting the people in your area. Instead of cruel doms and ethereal submissives, I met some folks who were hilarious, some folks that drove me up the fucking wall, some folks that baffled me and some people I wanted to be best friends forever with. Kinky people are just folks, no matter what their blogs, stories or scary screenames say.
Very few single unattached people though, which I have come to expect but it still disappoints. I don’t go to these things to pick up playmates, but deep down I secretly hope that I will meet someone who I can play with rather than listen to how they play with their significant other.
One moment that stuck out was at the second play party the owner of the dungeon rushed me downstairs to show off his newest table. It was a lovely wood tone and solid as hell. It was beautiful but I just loved the guy’s enthusiasm and pride. He made it himself and he couldn’t wait to share it. I realized that we, the kinky party people, were the only ones in the whole world he could show this piece off to. I knew then that no matter how the rest of the night went, I felt good that I was able to give him that small piece of community he needed.