Yesterday my wife, my submissive, my submissive’s husband and I went to a lunch held by another local bdsm group. This was a much more casual affair and people wore colors other than black. They were a freindly bunch that had a speaker tell us about the joys of japanese rope bondage or as they call it, Shibari.
Things I learned about Shibari-
A> There is no school of Shibari, no classifications, and no way to really say, “I am a Master of XXXXXX Shibari.” The speaker said that it is not an art or even a style; it’s just people tying people up and each person does it differently according to their needs. Hey, that sounds like writing.
B> He was rather appalled by the idea of tying someone up and leaving them. He said he could never imagine doing it, and it boiled down to why would he ever leave a loved one in a helpless state? His inability to even emote with someone who was interested in that fascinated me.
C> He said that some of the rope bondage you see in art takes an hour to set up and then it is either too painful to keep them there, or just terribly impractical. He called “1/60 of a second bondage” referring to the time it takes to take the picture. I’m sure there is a metaphor about that and flash fiction somewhere.
D> He said that Shibari is easy to learn and easy to do but you have to do it constantly. You have to make knots all the time and unravel them. It takes practice and you do knots almost waking moment. He said that and I was like fuck, that’s just like writing.
And for more info, go to http://www.nawashi.com/main.html
One last tidbit about the social gathering. A dom and his sub were at my table and I being the curious kind of guy trying to make conversation, asked the guy how did he meet his girl. he said she could tell it better than him and I got comfortable. Obviously this was going to be a long story of courtship, domination and eventual happiness. She looks at him, and looks at me and she says
“I was given to him”
She smiled and I smiled and then I said “Well, that’s a short story.”
I loved that exchange. He felt comfortable telling the long version, which is why he wanted her to tell it. She however did not and shut my inquiry down. She did it politely too I must say. I don’t want to get into theories of shame, submission or relationship boundaries, I just loved that she shut me down and he didn’t do anything.
That was the first half of my day.
The second half involved having my first alcoholic drink. My submissive’s husband, a nice funny man, about busted a gut when he heard I had never had a drink. He apparently used to sneak beers when he was ten so he was a bit dumbfounded. He suggested I try something tonight and my wife freaked. It was a bit odd listening to her describe that a Shon Richards without inhibitions would be somesort of unleashed sexual machine that would cut everyone down with razor sarcasm and hump anything with two tits.
That convinced me to go have a few drinks and see if she was right. The reason I had never indulged is that my step-father was a drunk, and all the members of my mother’s family has had addiction problems. It’s really hard to want to have a beer when you recall your step-father picking fights with you when you were ten. It’s even harder when you get to college and your roommate gets drunk every weekend and fills the room with the scent of vomit.
So we got to a bar to see the band http://www.groovebucket.com/ and I had some Hard Lemonades because I’m a lemonade kind of guy. I’ll make a long story short and tell you what kind of person Shon Richards is when he has had a few drinks. He’s a very unfunny guy who thinks he’s funny. It was like I had no verbal editor. I would say something stupid and obscure and then two seconds later think “Why the fuck did I say that?” I had no idea how much mental thought went into be the cool guy that I am.
Groove Bucket by the way rocks. After years of living in a college town, it was strange to hear a band that knew how to play their instruments. They played Bob Marley’s “Is This Love” that had me singing along in public but then again, that might have been the drinks. Their music was a range of old rock and new rock and I enjoyed songs I thought I had outgrown but it turns out I had not outgrown a good rock band.
Let me say one thing about the bar we went to. Granted my bar experience is limited, but this place was loaded with poker tables. It was odd to see someone sitting at a poker table order potato skins and steak. I’m trying to picture Kenny Rogers’ Gambler chowing down on chicken thighs while knowing when to hold them.
I should really write today.