Aug 062017
 

This episode of Blood Drive sends our Heroes into a wasteland that also just happens to have the women’s penitentiary where Grace’s sister is being held.  I thought we were going to have a parody of women’s prisons but the show throws us a curveball by doing a parody of Amazon culture when we discover the women prisoners have escaped and are running a female Utopia/Spa. barbie gets beat up a lot and thrown into a cell to be milked later while Grace gets a spa treatment and is told how great her sister was.

You see, Karma apparently led a revolt against the prison guards and is the reason the woman have a spa lair today. Now that gets me thinking. What if Karma is the Mad Maxine of this world? She could be a lone wanderer, going from place to place, doing good deeds and defeating evil gangs and staying one step ahead of the sister that she doesn’t know is looking for her?

Now the Amazons try to spoil this idea by saying Karma fell in the rebellion and all they have of her is her ID bracelet and a really nice shrine. Nice try Amazon ladies! We all know that if there is not a body, then a character isn’t really dead.

The other plot involves the Murder Couple still having martial problems. I feel kind of foolish for thinking they had resolved their problems a few episodes ago. Anyone who has ever been married knows that no issues ever get resolved in a single episode. Murder Couple gets seperated by the Amazons and Murder Wife is seriously considering staying with the Amazons but her husband’s heartfelt plea for them to murder together wins her over. She slaughters some Amazons and creates enough chaos for the Heroes to take advantage of. Oh Murder Couple, you truly are the heart of the show.

Speaking of Heart, Tortured Cop is now a Security Guard and living in strange Stockholm domestic bliss with Evil Robot lady.  Tortured Cop almost immediately uses his new position to break into the wonderfully named Hall of Secrets to find out anything. What he finds out is Evil Robot Lady can spy on him through his eyes and she presses some buttons to make him projectile vomit until he submits.

Side note, if you wanted to write a grim dystopian BDSM story, you could gather enough ideas for a series of novels from Tortured Cop/Evil Robot Lady’s arc.

Meanwhile, the best character, Slink, endures another executive meeting. Sweet Vincent Price, watching Slink explain the appeal to the Blood Drive and what he is trying to do to clueless artless executives warms a place in my writer’s heart. In this executive meeting, Slink throws a knife into an executive, Slink gets fired and the head executive discovers that he can;t kill slink outright because Slink has a “Holding Contract”.

Let’s take a moment to think about how a contract prevents Slink from being killed by the head of the worse company on Earth. Why would a contract hold so much power? Could it be because that contract is infernal which would prove my earlier theory that Heart gets their technology straight from Hell? Hmmm?

Favorite random bits.

Barbie gets beat up by women alot in this episode and it is awesome.

The amazons have a milking machine to extract seed from men and it is wonderfully awful.

The Milked Men are douchebros who are placated with junk food, beer and video games.

Our Heroes get tricked by a painting of a wreck, which Grace calls “Getting Wile Coyoted”.

Some new drivers show up, without names, and pretty much die in 15 minutes.

Aug 022017
 

Explorer’s Log: I am on day twenty of my thirty-one day journey to the star system designated “The Queen Tires of Your Excuses” by Royal Astronomers. The Carefully Managed Democracy is in a full civil war and great battles have been waged. My understanding is that the rebels are winning and the government is consolidating their last forces at some sort of battle station. I have successfully managed to avoid most of the battles and the ones that I have witnessed, I made sure to record data for analysis by the Royal Navy.

Currently I have been stopped by a rebel fleet of starships who wishes me to donate my ship for their final assault. The rebel fleet offered me transport to the nearest planet as well as a robot versed in thirty different plumping systems. I declined their request and they escalated to threatening to board my ship. I offered to activate the self-destruct on the ship and ram their command ship.

They considered my final offer and are now sending over a representative to discuss matters. These fools are gripped by rebellious fever and I am sure that their envoy will try to persuade me to join their cause. I will counter with a seduction attempt followed by extreme violence. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: These rebels have interrupted my daily masturbation break and I am horny as fuck. Their envoy will be lucky to get out of this with their pelvis intact.

Vaquel Di stood by the airlock. She wore her blue spacesuit today and it clung to her heavy breasts and wide hips. The ship lighting was dimmed so that her short pink hair would stand out more on her brown face. A single laser pistol hung from her belt.

She had her arms crossed under her breasts to make them look even bigger. The Zatty were a well-endowed race of red giants who average three meters in height. Their tits were huge and Vaquel was starting to develop a complex from their comments on her own chest.

The airlock opened and the giant form of the Zatty came into Vaquel’s ship. The spacesuit that the Zatty was wearing was bulky but it couldn’t hide the large warheads that were here breasts. Vaquel pulled back her shoulders in an attempt to compensate.

The Zatty pressed a button on her helmet and the visor swung open. The Zatty woman looked young with bright yellow eyes. She was hairless like many of her race and there was a tiny metal stud in her lip.

“Hello alien,” the Zatty said. “My name is Faso and I am here as a representative of the Strictly Rationed Liberty Forces.”

“My name is Vaquel Di of the Royal Navy of Queen Erishella,” Vaquel said. “I am on a twenty-year mission to explore and report.”

“A twenty-year mission?” Faso said. “How extraordinary! I doubt we have ever had a regime last that long. Of course, that will change when we take over. We hope to bring peace and stability to the galaxy that will last centuries. When we are in power, people will be free but not too free and prosperity will lift us all.”

Vaquel shrugged. “That sounds great, but you can’t have my ship.”

“But we need every ship for the battles ahead,” Faso said. “Even your small ship can serve as a scout or communications hub. We lack the industrial power of the Carefully Managed Democracy and must use every resource we can find.”

“Sucks to be you,” Vaquel said. “That is an old saying from my planet that means I don’t give a shit. You can’t have my ship and I am ready to blow it up.”

Faso nodded gravely. “I am sure that you have already programmed your ship with some sort of terrible deterrent device in case we try to forcibly take your ship.”

“Of course,” Vaquel said. “I have five systems in place and a robot chair that is angry that you interrupted masturbation time.”

“That settles it then,” Faso said. “We do not need unnecessary bloodshed. It is good that I am here. Tell me, have you heard of the Flow?”

“Uh, no,” Vaquel said.

“It is a cosmic force that binds and holds us all together,” Faso said.

“Oh, where I come from, Queen Erishella is what binds and holds us altogether.”

“This is something different,” Faso said. “I am a practitioner of the Flow. Right now, the Flow connects my heart to your heart, my soul to your soul.”

A warm feeling came over Vaquel’s body. It tingled and spread from her head, down her shoulders, over her breasts, onto her sex and down her legs. She tried to touch herself but her hands wouldn’t move.

“Psychic!” Vaquel thought because she could no longer speak.

“Yes,” Faso answered in her mind. “Do not worry. I am one of the few survivors of the Mind Warriors sect. This is perfectly safe and you will not be harmed. I am going to convince you to deactivate your security measures and hand you ship over to us. You will be given transport to another planet though we will keep the free plumbing robot that we offered you earlier.”

“Fuck you!” Vaquel thought. She tried to move. Something held her arms and legs. It felt like it was coiled around her limbs. It slithered over her skin and tightened. There was something familiar about it.

“It is hopeless to struggle,” Faso said. “There is nothing to struggle against except your own mind. Now please, tell me how to turn off your security measures.”

Vaquel ignored the Zatty woman. She could wiggle a little. The invisible force wrapped around her breasts. It pressed down and crushed her tits to her chest. There was a strange smell of something fruity.

“I can’t make you do anything,” Faso said. “That is not how the Mind Warriors operate. But I can make this unpleasant.”

Something hard slammed into Vaquel’s ass. She tried to cry out but her voice wouldn’t work. It struck her ass again and the sting exploded across her buttocks. The Zatty witch was spanking Vaquel with her mind!

“I do hate to do this,” Faso said. “But I will for the glory of the rebellion.”

The spanking continued. There was no sound to warn Vaquel, just the sudden impact of something flat and powerful colliding into her ass. It struck her bottom in a rapid rhythm that kept her off-balance and unable to anticipate the next strike. The stinging sensation in Vaquel’s abundant ass grew to inferno levels of heat.

There was a similar level of heat occurring between Vaquel’s legs. Each spank was responded to with a clenching of her sex. As the pain in her ass grew, Vaquel’s pussy grew wetter. Despite the strange force coiled around her limbs, Vaquel managed to grind in place as she sought relief for her sex.

“What a curious alien,” Faso said. “You are stimulated by pain.”

Vaquel ignored the Zatty. There was something about the spanking that bothered her. The two slaps, followed by three slaps, followed by two slaps rang a bell. She knew this spanking from somewhere.

Something bit into Vaquel’s nipples. It was harsh and came without warning. Vaquel screamed silently with her mind as the pain increased.

Vaquel’s sex clenched even harder. Juices ran down her leg inside her spacesuit.

“Pain stimulates you but you also want it to stop,” Faso said in her mind. “I can make it stop as soon as you hand over your ship.”

Vaquel shuddered. The pain on her nipples was intense but it was also familiar. It felt like clamps. More importantly, it felt like clamps that Vaquel owned.

“What about pleasure?” Faso said. “Will you give up your ship for a righteous cause in exchange for pleasure?”

Something pushes deep inside Vaquel’s sex. She trembled in place as something long and thick filled her pussy. It was a Zatty cock. There was no doubting the thickness and length.

The unseen cock thrust up inside Vaquel. She felt her body slamming back into it even though she couldn’t move. There was something strange about her movement though. It didn’t feel like normal humping on her part, it felt like gravity or momentum was impaling her on the alien dick.

“I remember this,” Vaquel groaned in her mind. “When I escaped the last planet, I got a ride on a jet bike. A Zatty drove it while I fucked him.”

“That isn’t important,” Faso said in her mind. “Give us your ship and this sensation can continue.”

“The pain on my nipples,” Vaquel thought. “Those are my clamps. I use them when I masturbate. The spanking, that was my old instructor at the Royal Navy. She always spanked me like that whether I succeeded or failed.”

“Give us the ship,” Faso said. The spanking, the clamps and the fucking vanished. The sudden lack of penetration was the cruelest of all. The invisible force tightened around her breasts and made it hard to breathe.

“I am being choked by a plant,” Vaquel groaned. “I don’t remember which planet. A lot of planets have vegetation that will fuck you up. I do wonder why they seem to be into bondage.”

“You are too sensual a creature for normal persuasion,” Faso said.

An electric shock passed through Vaquel. Or rather, the memory of an electric shock. It racked Vaquel’s body with pain as she struggled in the clutches of the memory of a plant holding her. After a few seconds, the shock stopped and Vaquel was left twitching in place.

“Don’t remember where that is from,” Vaquel said. “And I don’t fucking care to.”

“That was just a sample,” Faso said. “Please, hand over you ship.”

“You’re using my own memories,” Vaquel said. “Weird, I would think a telepath would inflict her own memories on her victim.”

Water filled Vaquel’s lungs. She was drowning. Vaquel could feel the water seeping into her spacesuit. The tug of the current was pulling her downward. Her heart pounded and she desperately wanted to flail her limbs to swim upwards.

Vaquel remembered. It was an ocean world. She had gone swimming and there was a fault in her suit. She had corrected it almost immediately but there was that split-second when things were dire.

She was trapped in that split-second. Her body remembered the gasping, the struggling and the panic. It lasted for only a moment but that moment was being stretched for far too long.

It suddenly stopped. Vaquel gasped for air. She coughed and tried to force out water that wasn’t there.

“We will have your ship,” Faso said. “I will re-establish the Order of Mind Warriors. The universe will know the ways of the Flow.”

“You don’t have any memories of torment of your own,” Vaquel said. “You have to use mine.”

Faso stared at her with her yellow eyes. “Give us the ship.”

“Wait!” Vaquel said. “Just give me a moment to recover.”

“You are stalling,” Faso said. “I can feel your mind. It isn’t recovering. It is . . .searching. It is reaching out. It is touching . . .oh no!”

Faso cried out as something slammed her onto her back on the floor. Metal hands held down her arms and legs. Something slammed into her mouth and down her throat.

“Mmmm!” Faso cried. She tried to lift her hands but whatever was holding her was too strong. The thing in her mouth pounded her lips at a rapid pace.

Vaquel stared at her. “Welcome to the Squix,” she said. “They were a bunch of crazed sex robots. I never quite understood what their purpose was but they liked to fuck anything organic or non-organic.”

Faso closed her eyes. She tried to sever the connection with the alien’s mind. For some reason, it wasn’t working.

“I spent a year in a sector of space that had some psychic entity from another plane of existence,” Vaquel said. “The Voice tried to seduce me into being its carrier into the universe. You know, typical hazards of deep space travel kind of stuff. I was in psychic contact with that asshole for way too long. I couldn’t wait to get away from it but I guess all that time fighting back against its malevolent power made me a little stronger. Stronger than you at least.”

Faso couldn’t answer. It wasn’t because the imaginary thing ramming her mouth was preventing her from speaking. No, it was too hard to focus when something is fucking your face.

“It has been a year or two since the Voice tried to talked to me,” Vaquel continued. “But once you connected to my mind, it felt like yesterday. I remember feeling the connection. I remember how I used to push back with my thoughts. I just didn’t know how to stop you from what you were doing.”

The violation of Faso’s mouth finally stopped. Her lips were bruised and her throat was raw. She tried to sit up but the unseen grip from the robot hands were still there.

“Here, try this,” Vaquel said.

Something slapped Faso’s right breast. It was hard and quick. She cried out and something struck her ass. She screamed louder as some unknown force struck her breasts and ass in rapid succession. The strikes happened too quickly to guess what was actually hitting her.

“Blobs,” Vaquel said. “Orange blobs that would stretch and whip me. They only hit my ass and tits. Why would blobs even slap a breast? The universe is strange that way. Everything seems to be obsessed with tits.”

“Stop it!” Faso cried.

“No,” Vaquel said.

The slapping increased. Faso screamed and writhed on the floor. The slaps struck every angle of her massive breasts. The spacesuit she wore was no protection as the memory of Vaquel’s slapping imprinted into Faso’s sensations.

The strikes on her ass were worse. They came in rapid fire, sometimes missing her buttocks and striking between her legs. The slaps to her pussy made her scream but they also made her wet.

Wait, was the slaps turning Faso on or was she remembering how turned on Vaquel was? Her mentor on the swamp planet never prepared her for things like this!

The slaps stopped. Faso struggled for air. She could barely breathe from all the screaming that she had been doing. Her sex was a wet mess begging for attention. By the Flow, how does this alien think with such a needy sex orifice?

“Anyway,” Vaquel continued. “Once I realized you were using my memories, it made sense to me. Memories are ammo in a psychic fight. Good memories, bad memories, I see how they can be effective against someone, even if the memory belongs to them.”

“Please, let me go,” Faso said.

“Not yet,” Vaquel said. “I got plenty of memories. Certainly, more than you.”

Something licked Faso’s sex. It was a tongue and what an amazing tongue. The speed of the tongue was incredible. It lapped at her sex with a passionate fury.

“That’s a Kowe,” Vaquel said. “They were little furry monsters that loved to eat meat and lick pussy. An asteroid hit their planet soon after this. They are probably all dead now but I remember them.”

Faso moaned. The mouth pressed closer to her sex. She could feel the sharp points of its teeth against her delicate folds. The tongue pressed down hard and licked her like no one has ever licked her before.

“Pretty nice, isn’t it?” Vaquel said. She pressed a button on her spacesuit. A seam appeared in the blue material over her crotch. Vaquel pulled it apart to reveal a pubic bush as pink as the hair on her head. She slipped her fingers into her pussy and started to stroke.

Faso felt the fingers. The memory of the Kowe’s mouth continued as the new sensation of Vaquel’s fingers joined it. She felt the tongue licking fiercely at her sex while Vaquel plunged in and out of her sex.

The tongue vanished. The fingers remained. Faso and Vaquel groaned together as Vaquel continued to finger herself.

“Tell your friends to let me go with my ship,” Vaquel said.

Faso shook her head. “No, I can’t. We need as many ships as we can get! The fate of the Mind Warriors depends on this! I can’t fail my order!”

Vaquel kept stroking herself. “I have worse memories,” she said. “I’ve been shot at. I’ve nearly burned in a volcano. There was that time I hallucinated that I died in acid rain but since I still remember it, I could share it with you.”

Faso groaned. It was hard to tell if it was from fear. Her hips were rising to meet the memory of the Kowe’s mouth.

“Wait, I do remember that something that might change your mind,” she said.

Something fluttered against Faso’s stomach. She jumped and tried to cover her belly with her hands but her arms were still pinned down. Light touches danced against her under arm. She shuddered and a laugh burst from her mouth. What was going on?

“This was done by some shadow creature I came across on a dead world,” Vaquel said. “It was a scary bastard. I doubt anyone will tickle me as bad as those things did.”

Stop!” Faso yelled. The light fluttering kept moving. It was behind her knee. It was on her neck. It went to the bottom of her feet and that was worse of all.

Faso’s body shook. She laughed uncontrollably. She wiggled and squirmed as the fluttering continued. Her body writhed out of her control.

“What is going on?!” Faso screamed. It was terrible yet it didn’t hurt! She was laughing but nothing was funny! Her body tried desperately to escape the light touches but her sex was getting wetter by the second!

“It’s called tickling,” Vaquel said as she kept stroking herself. “It is a form of torture and arousal among my people. Your race must not be wired for it. Isn’t that interesting? You’re the first Zatty to experience tickling. You should be proud.”

“Stop it!” Faso yelled. She squirmed on the floor of the ship uncontrollably. She laughed and laughed despite her rising fear. The tickling covered her entire body; even the lips of her pussy.

Suddenly, the tickling stopped. Faso gasped for air. She sat up, breathing hard. It took her a moment to realize that she was no longer being held down.

“Are you going to let me go?” Vaquel asked. She was still stroking herself. Faso felt Vaquel’s fingers stimulating her own sex. She didn’t answer the alien’s question as she took the moment to enjoy those talented fingers.

“Is that a yes?” Vaquel said.

Something tickled the side of Faso’s ribs. “Stop!” Faso screamed in a panic. “You can go! We don’t need your ship! I’ll tell them that it is falling apart and unsafe! Just don’t tickle me again!”

“Good answer,” Vaquel said. She pulled her fingers out of her sex. “Now let’s seal our bargain.” She pointed at her sex.

It was clear what the alien wanted. Faso had experienced the depravity of this creature. The cruel being would be satisfied with nothing less than further stimulation.

Faso crawled on her hands and knees towards Vaquel. She took off her helmet so it wouldn’t get in the way. Her head tilted upwards and she pressed her lips to Vaquel’s sex.

A jolt went through Faso. Someone was kissing Faso’s own needy sex. It was her mouth. The terrible alien was broadcasting Faso’s own pussy-eating to her own sex. It was stunning how skilled Vaquel was with no formal training. Perhaps Vaquel’s need to humiliate and fuck gave her strength that was better than any training.

It was a horrible thought. Had the Mind Warriors been doing this wrong all this time? Has Faso been wasting her time with lessons and philosophy discussions when true mastery of the Flow came from sexual experiences?

“Lick it,” Vaquel snapped. “Lick it like I own you.”

Shame filled Faso but she did as she was commanded. She burrowed her face into Vaquel’s pink bush and licked the brown lips of the alien’s sex. Her tongue reached deep and licked as hard as she could.

“There you go,” Vaquel said. She grabbed Faso’s smooth head and kept her pinned to her sex. Her hips undulated as she fucked Faso’s face.

Faso moaned. She moaned with despair at what she had been reduced to but she also moaned at the sensations that Vaquel was broadcasting to her. Faso’s sex clenched with Vaquel’s sex. Her tongue pleasured Vaquel and herself at the same time. They shuddered together as Faso licked deeper and harder.

As Vaquel squirmed, Faso squirmed. As Vaquel cried out, Faso cried out. As Vaquel moaned, Faso moaned.

“I’m going to come,” Vaquel groaned. She rubbed her sex harder onto Faso’s face. “I’m going to come on your pretty red face and you are going to love it. You’re my mouth-slave and years from now, you’re going to wish that you were back here, on your knees, licking my pussy by my command.”

Faso climaxed. Or did Vaquel climax and Faso was riding her orgasm? She didn’t know. They were too closely bonded to tell.

Vaquel pushed Faso away. “Enough, that is all you get.”

Faso felt the sensations leave her body. She quickly put up her mental defenses like she had been taught. She rubbed her lips which were bruised and smeared with Vaquel’s juices.

“Now get the fuck off my ship and tell your friends that I am leaving,” Vaquel said. She pressed a button and the spacesuit came back together over her crotch.

“Yes,” Faso said as she struggled to her feet. She toyed with the idea of telling the rebel fleet to fire on Vaquel’s ship but fear gripped her heart at the thought of it. If Vaquel could think of a terrible torture like tickling, who knows what other depraved tricks she might know and use on the fleet. No, it was better to let her go.

As the airlock opened for Faso, Vaquel called out to her one more time.

“Hey, Mind Slut!” Vaquel yelled. “What’s the range for your telepathy? I plan to masturbate thinking of your face and wanted to know if you could join in.”

Faso ran in terror through the airlock. Vaquel’s laughter would haunt her forever.

Jul 272017
 

After a disappointing episode last time, Blood Drive roars back to life with a crazy entertaining episode. Jack and Diane, brother and sister carriers of a terrible sexual zombie plague, are out to kill Slink and infect the entire Blood Drive to do so.  Once the people of the Suck Bus get infected, zombiesexual hijinks ensue!

It is pretty amusing to me as the writer of Pusse’ and Cox to see a mindless zombie plague transmitted by sex on the television screen. I was impressed by how they had the infected covered in blacklight style glowing foam as a way to suggest nudity without showing it. Much like mud-wrestling, once everything is covered in liquid, you pretty much look naked.

There is a lot to love in this episode. Barbie tries his hand at playing DJ to the Blood Drive and finds a small amount of success when he lets people try to kick his ass. Being an MC is hard!

Later, Barbie gets infected and tries to bang Grace. Horny Barbie is a hilarious change of pace for the Good Cop and easily one of my favorite bits. A knee to the nuts from Grace brings Barbie some clarity and Grace keeps re-applying the treatment.  You know, Barbie getting hit in the nuts is a powerful metaphor for what this series keeps doing to him.

Speaking of abuse of male parts, Tortured Cop finally stops getting tortured and gets a job as a mail boy for the Heart Company. Of course, doing such menial work is just another form of torture but sheesh, I am so grateful that the Hostel-level of torture seems to be at an end. Hot Robot Chick continues to titillate and torment in ways that I am sure will imprint on many of the viewers of the show.  They might be my favorite Dom/Sub couple in fiction right now. Plus, Tortured Cop gets to try to do sneaky stuff to help Barbie. At the end of the episode he becomes a Security Guard and you just know that won’t end well.

We get more back-story in this episode. Slink worked at a bio-weapons lab. Of course he did! The sex plague was made by Heart! Of course it was! At the old lab is a prototype blood engine called a Soul Something-or-Another. I missed what it was because my ears perked up at the mention of ‘Soul’ which backs up my theory that all of Heart’s inventions actually come from Hell.

Let me tell you, my wife was so happy to hear the engines run on souls instead of blood because she thought the blood spray from the engines was too wasteful of a machine that turns blood to fuel. Science!

The episode ends when the Heroes realize Jack and Diane are carriers and the only cure is to get them to have sex with each other. Of course! As an erotica writer, I am all for the solution involving a sex act. Don’t worry, as soon as they gave into their unspeakable desires, they were fed into the Soul machine and everyone was cured of their sex plague.

All in all, this was a great crazy episode. It completely restored what doubts I had for the series. Heck, even Tortured Cop and Hot Robot Chick has some fun moments.

Jul 212017
 

Blood Drive has had an amazing first couple of episodes.  They have had a streak of great action, great world building and greater character development. Sadly, all streaks must end and episode four gets a bad case of the “Are you fucking kidding me?”

In this episode of Blood Drive, the Heroes sneak away from the race to go to where Grace’s sister is being held in an asylum. Slink is not amused so he sends Rib Bone to go kill them. Also during this episode, we get flashbacks to Grace and her sister before the events of Blood Drive as well as even more torture scenes with Tortured Cop and Hot Robot Woman.

Now if you have ever read, watched or heard of fiction involving an asylum, then you know that there is a 90% that any asylum is being run by the inmates who have seized control. Blood Drive maintains that by having the crazy people in charge. What is bizarre to me, is that Grace and Barbie are completely obvious to this until it is too late. Barbie especially suffers from a case of near-terminal stupidity in this episode. Honestly, I wonder if the writer was new to the show or this was an early episode because Barbie is just about too stupid to live where as in previous episodes, he was Naive-But-Tough.

Rib Bone on the other hand, walks in and instantly asks the first person he sees how long ago did the crazy people take over. Go Rib Bone! I mean seriously, Rib Bone catching on was so damn entertaining that I almost forgive the stupidity of Grace and Barbie.

Sadly, the two other plots are not very good. Tortured Cop gets really put through the wringer in this episode. O-M-G was it rough. The bright light was when Hot Robot Woman took off her dress to reveal nipple-less breasts like a doll. That was a nice touch but man, you got a lot of torture to go through to get there. I will admit, I had a pretty good laugh when Robot Woman offered to collect his seed with the plunger or the hand. Poor Tortured Cop. It never works out for him.

As bad as the torture was, the flashback was worse. Grace and sister Karma get into a nightclub so Grace can get a job with the Blood Drive. They need money and Grace is trying to support her sister. Along the way, Karma overdoses on some drugs and gets committed. At the end we get more backstory where we find that Slink offers Grace a blood-sucking engine and a spot in the race to pay for Karma’s treatment. We also discover that Slink probably hooked karma on the drugs. Diabolical!

Yet, also dull. Grace trying to get the attention of a previous Blood Drive winner by acting slutty isn’t compelling to watch.  Also, she is a bad sister.

There are some highlights to this episode. The primary reason the crazies are crazy is that they are hooked on a synthetic sugar made by Heart Industries. When poor Rib Bone gets covered in the stuff, the inmates literally eat him alive. Barbie finds a nurse who teaches him how to act crazy to blend in and that’s cool. Grace had an awesome fight with an inmate that almost offsets the awful flashback.  We get a hint that Slink used to work at the asylum fifty years ago and doesn’t appeared to have aged. Wha? The plot thickens.

But sadly, we lose Rib Bone. Damn, I would almost rather lose Barbie. At least Rib Bone gets an awesome tribute in the end and who knows, maybe he will come back as a cyborg?

All in all, not the best episode of Blood Drive but it is still my favorite show on television right now.

Jul 172017
 

This a fan fiction story featuring adult performer Jay Taylor in the Zombies Run universe.  All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Jay Taylor’s hottness is the property of Jay Taylor. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended. if you like exercising while listening to a zombie apocalypse drama, I highly reccomend Zombies Run. If you like sexy girls, I reccomend Jay Taylor porn.

“You’re doing good, Runner 5. The entire camera system for the village is back up and running. The router you reconnected seemed to do the trick. I can’t believe one raccoon could cause so much damage.”

Sam Yao cycled quickly through the different camera feeds. There was the empty village square. There was the cleaned-out grocery store. There was the main road leading north. There were the burned remains of the bus. There was Runner 5’s cute butt inside the electronic store.

Sam zoomed in. All of the runners were in great shape but Runner 5’s ass was a fantastic example of female beauty. The running shorts clung to her bottom and were soaked in sweat. He had a brief fantasy of cleaning the sweat from her ass with his tongue.

“No, no,” Sam said to himself. Stay professional. The runners relied on him to be their eyes and ears. He couldn’t perv on Runner 5 just because she was the hottest woman still alive in the zombie apocalypse. It wasn’t right and Runner 5 had saved the lives of Abel Township hundreds of times.

Sam turned on the mic again. “Thank you again for doing this quick mission. I know you would rather be back here for the Founding Day festival but you know how it is. As soon as we lose camera coverage somewhere, it means it might be a prelude to an attack. Since it was just a raccoon who likes to chew wires, you can come back now.

Runner 5 turned around and faced the camera. She shook her head in the negative. Her ponytail bounced behind her.

Sam became a hundred times more alert. “What is the matter? Did you find something? Is it Van Ark again?”

Runner 5 looked up at him with her enigmatic expression. She grabbed the bottom of her sports bra with both hands and pulled it up to reveal her sexy small breasts. Pulling the bra over her head, she tossed it to the side and grabbed her breasts. Her fingers pulled at her nipples.

“Oh no,” Sam groaned. She was doing it again.

Runner 5 smiled. Her high cheekbones almost glowed when she smiled. She licked her lips and gently rolled her nipples in her fingers.

Sam glanced at the shed door. He rolled his chair towards the door and turned the lock. If the Major came by, he would just tell her that it was an accident that he locked the door. She might even believe him.

“Sam,” Runner 5 said through his headset. “Do you want ass or more tits?”

Sam’s heart raced. Runner 5 almost never spoke. To hear her say his name gave him an instant erection. He rolled back over to the monitors and watched.

“Ass,” he answered.

Runner 5 nodded and turned around. She hooked her fingers into either side of her shorts and slowly pulled them down. Her hips wiggled back and forth as the shorts slowly exposed her perfect ass centimeter by centimeter.

A memory flashed. Sam was sitting in this very chair while Runner 5 sat in his lap. She had her shorts off then, and she wiggled and squirmed on top of his hard erection. Around and round she grinded her perfect ass until he came in his pants. That was the best Christmas.

On screen, Runner 5 pulled down her shorts and stepped out of them. She grabbed her ass with both hands. Her fingers sunk into her firm flesh and pulled. He could see the tight ring of her asshole.

“Holy shit,” Sam moaned.

Runner 5 licked her finger and pressed it to her asshole. She rubbed the outside of her asshole and Sam could easily imagine that it was his tongue. As her finger moved, Sam could almost taste her.

There was movement on another monitor. It was a zombie. The zombie was leaning against the wreck of the bus. Maybe it was trying to walk into it.

He turned back to Runner 5. She was grabbing her ass while her hips rolled. Fuck, she was hot.

“You turn me on so much, Runner 5,” Sam groaned. “I love watching your ass. I would love to bury my face in it. I would cover your butt in kisses and then I would lick your ass. I would fuck your asshole with my tongue. I want to taste every bit of you.”

Runner 5 moaned. Her butt clenched and all those wonderful muscles flexed along her butt.

“I would fuck your ass, if you let me,” Sam said. “I would be so gentle. I would slip inside you so carefully until I was deep inside you. Oh, I wouldn’t last long. I would try to hold back but it would only take a few thrusts before I came deep in your sexy butt.”

Runner 5 groaned. She leaned forward over the counter. She spread her legs and Sam could see the edge of her hairy bush. He zoomed in closer as she plunged her fingers into her wet pussy.

Now it was Sam’s turn to moan. Runner 5 fingered herself while her ass continued to clench. Her hips rolled as she humped against the counter.

“I wish I was there to fuck you,” Sam said. “I love your ass but I know your pussy would be perfect. It would be so warm and tight. I would bury myself deep in your cunt and fuck the hell out of you.

“Sam,” Runner 5 moaned. “I don’t hear you jacking off.”

He knocked over the pile of mission papers by the fan. Under the pile was a lunch box. Inside the lunch box was a pile of chip boards but hidden deep under them was a tiny bottle of lube.

Sam pulled his pants down and squirted the lube into his hand. It was almost empty. That was no problem. He was sure Runner 5 would bring him some more.

Runner 5 turned around. Sam gasped at the sight of her hairy bush. She had her fingers deep inside her as she leaned back against the counter. Her mouth hung open as she moaned and Sam had a quick fantasy of filling her mouth with cock.

Sam grabbed his hard cock with his lubed hand. He groaned loudly and Runner 5 smiled on the screen. He pumped his cock with a mad fury.

They didn’t talk as they masturbated but that didn’t mean that they were quiet. Sam knew that she could hear the wet sound of his cock getting jacked with lube. He could hear her groan with every thrust of her fingers. Their breathing got louder and louder as they came closer to orgasm.

Sam came first. He always did. When it came to Runner 5, he had no staying power. He came and he came loudly as he shouted his pleasure.

Runner 5 smiled at the camera as he came. She kept smiling as her fingers stroked her pussy to orgasm. She cried out and grabbed her tit as she came. Her slender body shook as she rode the aftershocks of her climax.

“Oh Jay, I have made quite the mess.” Sam groaned when he could speak again. He winced as he realized that he used her name on the comm line. That was a big no-no. Then again, so was using the surveillance system to masturbate together.

Runner 5 laughed and brought her fingers to her mouth. She licked her fingers slowly, putting on a show for Sam. It was amazing how much she could get into her mouth. When she was finished, she looked at him with an intense sultry look.

Sam knew what that meant. She was still horny. Everyone knew how brave and quick Runner 5 was but only Sam knew how insatiable she could be. Well, maybe some of the other runners knew. And the doctor. Okay, probably the motorcycle guy. Still, most people didn’t know what a fantastic slut she could be.

“If you can get it up when I come back,” she said, “how about I suck you off?”

Sam swallowed. His tender cock throbbed. “Well, then all I have to say to that is RUN.”

 

Jul 142017
 

The third episode of Blood Drive keeps the streak of great episodes going. In this episode, the Heroes must stop at a town that used to make cars but went mysteriously silent after a strange event. The city is filled with crazy cultist survivors and the horrible light-adverse mutants who now run the city.

First of all, hats off for naming the deadly mutating gas, Trioxin. I knew it sounded familiar and I got a big kick out of finding out it is the name of the gas from the Return of the Living Dead series. If you never heard of it, you won’t notice it.  That is the kind of Easter Egg I like as oppossed to the average comic book movie/series that does a dramatic pause when they make an Easter Egg. It is the kind of pause that makes me go, “Okay, you want that to mean something but all it means I now have to look on Wikipedia.” Folks, don’t do those kinds of Easter Eggs.

This episode gives us the subplot of the failing marriage of racers and full on psychopaths, Domi and Cliff. It is nice to know that even killers who murder for fun can have periods of no sex in their relationship. By the end of the episode, they get their groove back in a gory fashion. The storyline was cute but in a way I feel like we have exhausted their potential now. They can die now.

Speaking of dying now, Tortured Cop continues to get abused by Hot Robot. Holy shit, I can’t imagine being a writer for this show and having to do three episodes worth of torture banter. My wife is burned out on it and quite frankly, I am just ready for these two to move on. I like both of the characters and would like to see them do something different.

Which brings us to my favorite part of the show, we see Julian slink meet with executives who have show notes for his illegal murder race. The Blood Race is broadcast to rich fucks and corporate elite but the company wants to go mainstream. Julian is against it but like last episode, he is just helpless middle management.

The show notes were great. Quite a few of them were meta as Julian answered with asking for a bigger budget. Other show notes foreshadowed scenes and character time. I thought the whole thing was brilliant and I am quite jealous of the creativity.

There is a lot more that I am neglecting to cover, which is a good sign of how good the show is. I am constantly impressed with how much work goes into even minor characters.

Sadly, this episode sees the death of Clown Dick. I am greatly depressed that we never got an evil clown episode.

Jul 122017
 

Episode Two of the insane series Blood Drive evolves into a different beast from the pilot episode. We are given a history lesson that fills in a lot of what has happened to America. We are given multiple separate storylines with the Heroes bonding, Julian Slink at an employee evaluation, The Gentleman and the Scholar’s relationship problems, Tortured Cop’s ordeal AND a small peek at the villains of this episode, the Cannibal Diner Crew. A shit-ton is going on and yet no plot line feels lost or tacked on.

In fact, there is much going on that it is impossible to discuss a lot of it without doing a blow-by-blow of what happened. Instead of that, I just want to touch on them briefly.

First of all, the Orientation video for Tortured Cop explains that fracking caused a giant earthquake rift to open up in America. A company named Heart explored the ‘Scar’ and found “new minerals, morally questionable fuel alternatives, unnatural gases and deep wells of unidentifiable glowing goo.”  From this, Heart was able to become the most powerful company in the world.

The “morally questionable fuel alternatives” has to be those shredder car engines that run on blood. How do you find car engines that run on blood in a hole in the ground? My guess is that the Scar goes straight to Hell. It would certainly explain why the engines look like they were designed by Pinhead from Hellraiser.

That is my best guess. The answer I am hoping it will be is that the Scar opens into the Hollow Earth filled with sadistic Dero.

The second thing of note I want to focus on is the arc of Julian Slink. He runs the Blood Drive and in the first episode, he comes across as the Chief Villain of this evil race. In this episode we see him go to his bosses, at Heart, and sit for hours in the lobby. He is being put in his place and he knows it. This person who have come to know as the tormentor and villain is literally middle management in a bigger enterprise. not only that, but we see him suffer and go through insecurity. This transforms him from a villain into another victim.  The fact that he murders someone he perceives as his competition just includes us in his struggles.

This is quite unexpectedted and I applaud it.  Julian Slink is a charismatic character and I hope we see more of him.

Speaking of unexpected, Rib Bone, the main thug in the first episode, stops a huge brawl to find out who locked their dog in a truck with the windows rolled up. He wants to know so he can rescue the dog and kill the former owner. This promotes Rib Bone straight from Forgetful Thug to Monster-With-A-Heart. That is a clever and delightful surprise. Go Rib Bone! I hope he sticks around forever.

Which brings us to the couple who gets as almost as much screen time as our heroes. The Gentleman and the Scholar have an unhealthy relationship of abuse, homosexual sex and humiliation. Most other fiction in the ‘Grindhouse’ genre would have used the genre as an excuse for homophobia. They would have played up their homosexuality as a campy thing or something that is gross, but Blood Drive manages to treat it as just another bad relationship without getting offensive. Heck, the Scholar becomes a genuine sympathetic character. There is show of affection near the end that will warm your heart if you forget these guys kill folks for fuel.

Speaking of the Heroes. I don’t think I said much last time but the dynamic between these two is good. Grace is certainly the brains and maybe the muscle while Barbie is the heart and and more muscle. Can I say how much I love that the pretty guy is the one who gets stuck with the nickname, Barbie? That rocks. Barbie is a bit too naive for a cop but I am sure that he will get that beaten out of him.

Meanwhile, Tortured Cop keeps getting seduced and tortured by Evil Robot Lady. I enjoy their exchanges, especially as Evil Robot Lady is a quirky looking brunette instead of a statuesque blonde like something from Battlestar Galactica. It is a shame that the one prominent black character spends most of his time in bondage getting abused but I am sure he will have a thrilling arc later when he is turned into a Cyborg Hunter of some sort.

Last we have the killers. I am not a big fan of Cannibals in fiction. One of my problems is that movie cannibals are always filthy and disgusting. How are you supposed to catch anyone if your place looks like a sewer? I was pleasantly surprised to see these cannibals keep a tidy place and hygiene becomes a running theme. As someone who has worked in restaurants, it made my soul feel good to see someone die from not mopping enough.

All in all, this was the episode that really hooked me into the series. The explanation of the Scar does a lot of heavy lifting for the universe, while quite a few potentially shallow characters like Julian and Rib Bone were made into elevated into something special. So far the show appears to really aspire to be something interesting as opposed to just throwing gore on the screen.

RIP Fat Elvis. We never got to know you but then again, I guess being called Fat Elvis and dressing like the King is all we need to know.

 

 

Jul 052017
 

Explorer’s Log: I have arrived on the third planet of the star system designated “Beloved Third Toe on the Queen’s Right Foot” by Royal Astronomers. This is a busy system with various industrial and commercial interests. The planet I have chosen to land on has the densest population and therefore provides an opportunity to get the best data on the citizens of this society.

After landing at the local spaceport on the planet, I have decided to go out and perform a discreet surveillance on the infrastructure, local civilian forces and possible weakness in their planetary defenses. To perform this task for the Queen, I shall begin with popular bars and nightclubs. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: Shortly after landing, I was contacted by a representative of the rebel forces. They wanted to get their robot with the top-secret plans. I told them that their idiot robot crawled through a garbage airlock and jettisoned himself out as soon as I took a nap. They were not happy with me and thought my explanation was highly unlikely. Fuck them, Chairbot said that was what happened and he is too servile to lie to me.

The rebel made some threatening comments and I kicked him in his baby pump. It is hard to take these losers seriously. They appear to be indecisive and cowardly. If they ever do rebel, which I highly doubt, it won’t be for another ten years.

Vaquel Di groaned as the Zatty male drove his cock deep inside her sex. The large alien stood on the side of the bed as he pounded Vaquel’s reclining body on the bed. She tightened her thick brown legs around the Zatty’s red hips. The Zatty grabbed one of her large tits and squeezed. Together they held onto each other as they fucked.

The bed shook. Vaquel reached out and grabbed the bedsheets. They were stain-resistant vinyl. It matched the décor of the hotel room which appeared to be Easy-Hose-Down.

Vaquel liked it. It was a dirty place for having dirty sex. The hotel was located next to a nightclub and charged by the hour. It was just big enough to fuck in and lacked any form of illumination except the city lights that came through the large glass wall.

“You are the tightest alien I have ever fucked,” the Zatty said.

“Damn right,” Vaquel said. The Zatty was three meters tall like all of his race and his cock was proportional in girth. Vaquel had spent months in Zatty space slowly getting used to the enormous phalluses of these aliens. It was time well spent.

“What’s your name again?” the Zatty asked.

“Vaquel,” she said. She didn’t remember his name and didn’t bother to ask. Who needs the name of someone you picked up an hour ago?

“I’m going to fill your piss tank with my seed!” the Zatty said.

Vaquel didn’t even flinch at the strange obscenity. “Then do it.” Her pussy clenched tighter around his thick cock.

“I’m going to rocket your cock intake!” the Zatty groaned.

“Yes!” Vaquel said. She was close, damn close.

“I’m going to squiggle thump your meat lips!” the Zatty cried.

“Whatever!” she yelled. She was . . .almost . . .there!

BOOM! A large explosion shook the fornication room. An angry red cloud surrounded one of the large buildings in the skyline. Smaller explosions blossomed around nearby buildings.

The Zatty stopped fucking and stared out the window. His thick cock pulsed inside of her.

Vaquel clenched around his cock. “Keep going,” she groaned.

He pulled out of her. She tried to hold onto him but he was too strong. His amazing cock left her sex leaving being an empty void.

“It’s starting!” the Zatty said. He grabbed his clothes and checked his communicator.

“What’s starting?” Vaquel asked.

“The rebellion!” the Zatty said. He was very excited. “The leaders were going to signal the start by taking out the Justice Tower and they just did! Now every righteous citizen must take up arms and overthrow the tyranny of the Carefully Managed Democracy! Isn’t it awesome?”

“No, it is not!” Vaquel said. She spread her brown legs wide and fingered the pink hair of her pubic bush. “Don’t you want to finish fucking before you go rebel?”

The Zatty laughed. “And miss out on the glory?” He grabbed his shirt and ran out the door.

Vaquel growled. This was unbelievable. No one left her sex unless they were dying or she had kicked them off. The insult was nearly unbearable but it didn’t curb her desire. She would have to take care of this herself.

BOOM! The room shook as another building exploded nearby. Cracks formed in the glass wall. Sirens screamed in the night.
Vaquel tried to ignore it. She pressed down on her sex and slipped her fingers in. Her greedy pussy clenched tightly as she stroked herself. She closed her eyes and pictured the idiot Zatty finishing what he started.

It was useless. Her fingers were too small. She couldn’t make the bed shake like the large alien could. Slowly she felt her near-climax slip farther and farther away.

“Fuck!” Vaquel yelled and climbed off the bed.

BOOM! Another building exploded and then melted nosily onto the street.

“Fuck!” Vaquel yelled as she pulled on her belt. She pressed a button and the green fabric of her spacesuit began to spread from the belt and over her body. The snug material slid over her large brown breasts, her hard dark nipples, her damp pubic bush, her sweaty thighs, her round ass and over her muscular arms. She stepped into her boots and the clamped tightly around her feet.

“Fuck!” Vaquel snarled as she looked out the window. The streets were clogged with people fighting. It was a fucking war down there.

“Fuck!” Vaquel snapped as she checked her belt for weapons. Customs had been strict and forbade her from bringing any armaments on planet. That meant she was only carrying what she could smuggle on her suit and it wasn’t much.

“Fuck,” Vaquel sighed as she checked her communicator. It was static. Either the government or the rebels were jamming signals. There was no way to contact Chairbot or her ship. That meant she couldn’t request a pickup. She was going to have to get to the spaceport on her own.

“Fuck,” Vaquel growled as she pressed a hand to her crotch. Her orgasm might have slipped away but she was still horny.

Enough bitching, it was time for action. It would be reasonable to exit the hotel room and take the elevator downstairs but Vaquel wasn’t in a reasonable mood. She was turned on and her blood was pumping. She planned to keep it that way.

Vaquel peeled a thin strip from her boot and attached to the window. The strip began to glow. She backed away to the far wall away from the window, took a deep breath, and then started running towards the glass wall.

The shape charged glowed a bright red and exploded outwards. The glass wall shattered into a thousand pieces just as Vaquel reached it. She took a giant leap into the air plunged towards the riot below.

Emergency anti-gravity fields pulsed through Vaquel’s spacesuit. She was still plummeting towards the crowd below but her acceleration was slowly dropping. The wind rushed through her short pink hair and a thrill ran down her spine and right to her soaking wet sex.

Five meters up, Vaquel’s fall has slowed to a gentle float. She landed on top of a rioting citizen. For no good reason, she smashed her fist into the Zatty’s red face. His nose crunched in a gratifying manner but it didn’t do anything to satisfy the need between her legs.

Zatty were fighting all around her. Armed authorities smashed into masked citizens. Only melee weapons were being used as both sides were afraid of accidentally hitting someone from their one side.

Vaquel had no such compulsions. She stepped behind a uniformed soldier and drove her elbow into her best guess for where a vital organ would be. The soldier fell to one knee as a rioting civilian hit him viciously with some sort of plastic sports tool. As the soldier tried to defend himself, Vaquel stole his pistol and blended into the crowd.

The pistol was made for larger hands than Vaquel’s but that was fine. A disproportion weapon worked better for intimidation purposes.

An engine roared and Zatty screamed. Something large and nasty was pushing through the crowd. Vaquel dodged fleeing aliens and climbed on top of a public urination cubicle. She wanted to see what was coming.

It was a bus of some sort. Judging from the hole in the windshield and the corpse stuck on the hood, Vaquel figured that it was a public transport vehicle recently liberated for the use of the rebels. Yelling hooligans had shot out the windows and were firing into the crowd. They were running people over on both sides.

Vaquel smiled. This could be here way out of here.

As the bus came closer, Vaquel pressed a button on her belt. A seam opened on the top of her spacesuit to reveal the generous cleavage of her brown breasts. They were small by Zatty standards but Vaquel had learned that aliens of all kinds everywhere appreciate tits of any size. She didn’t think the Zatty would be any different.

The bus screeched to a halt beside her. The door opened to reveal the driver leering at her. It was a Zatty woman with breasts bigger than Vaquel’s entire torso straining through a torn shirt. She was bald and had three separate piercings through her lips. The woman turned in her seat and wasn’t wearing any pants. Her sex was shaved and glistening.

Vaquel groaned. Her pussy clenched. She wanted her sex filled but she would settle for getting eaten out by this tough lady.

“Hey, what kind of alien are you?” the woman driver yelled at Vaquel.

“The kind that will lick any part you want to get a ride to the spaceport!” Vaquel yelled back.

The woman laughed and pulled a lever. “Get in and get to work on my slut flower! If you’re good, I might even finger zap you!”

“Fuck, yeah,” Vaquel said.

The smell of ozone filled the air. The hairs on the back of Vaquel’s neck stood up. A tingling sensation spread through her nose as if she was about to sneeze.

Vaquel’s training took over and she dived for the ground. She flattened herself and clamped her arms over her head.

ZZZZZAAAPPP! BOOOM!

A shockwave passed over Vaquel as burning metal and plastic showered the area. The smell of ozone was replaced with burning flesh.

She lifted her head. The bus was a burst shell of itself. Anything that could burn was burning. Anything that couldn’t burn was melting. Of the driver, there was only ash.

“Fuck!” Vaquel yelled. There went her ride! Fuck! There went her hot lesbian sex!

People rushed past Vaquel. She didn’t have to climb anything to see what was coming this time. It was a tank and it was twice the size of the bus. The ion cannon was still glowing from firing on the bus. Soldiers manned smaller guns on the sides of the tank and were mowing down any one who came close.

“These assholes owe me a ride,” Vaquel said. “And a good fuck!”

As the crowd ran from the tank, Vaquel ran towards it. She tapped a few more buttons on her belt. The seam on her chest widened until the top half of her spacesuit disappeared altogether. She ran topless towards the firing tank with her large brown breasts bouncing in the wind.

One of the soldiers spotted her. He swung the mounted weapon towards her but he didn’t fire. Other soldiers drew a bead on her but they didn’t fire as well.

“Tits truly are the universal language,” Vaquel said. She climbed up on the tank.

“What are you doing?” the soldier said. He wore a helmet that covered his entire face except for his mouth. He licked his lips as her tits was reflected in his mirror-visor. “This is a Justice Vehicle!”

“I need a ride to the spaceport and I don’t care who I have to fuck to get there!” Vaquel said.

The soldier’s mouth hung open. He pressed something on his helmet. “Sir, I have an alien female requesting a ride. She is offering to fuck her way out of here.”

There was a pause as the soldier listened. Vaquel wondered how many soldiers there were. Was there room inside the tank for a gangbang? Had she traded one dick for a whole tank crew of dicks? If so, this revolution might not be such a bad development after all.”

The soldier nodded. “Show me your soggy ammo box!”

What? Vaquel hadn’t heard that one before but she quickly guessed the meaning. She pressed a button on her belt and a slit appeared in her spacesuit above her sex. Pulling the seam apart, she revealed her slick pink bush and the glistening lips beneath.

The soldier reached out with his fingers. He pushed into Vaquel and she clenched tightly around him. Fuck, it was just a finger but Vaquel was grateful for it.

“She has a tight soggy ammo box,” the soldier reported back. “I suggest we bring her down. Request permission to ground and pound her first, sir!”

Yes! Vaquel was going to get fucked silly and get back to her spaceship! Who said rebellions were hard?

CRACK! The tank shifted towards the right. Vaquel nearly fell over but she held onto the soldier’s finger still inside her.

“Sir?” the soldier yelled. CRACK! The tank shifted towards the left. CRACK! The tank shifted forward.

Vaquel pulled the soldier’s finger from her desperate sex. It was almost physically painful for her to let her pussy go empty again but she had a suspicion as to what was happening. As the other soldiers started to scream, Vaquel took a running leap off the tank and back onto the ground.

CRACK! The ground gave way as the last of the underground charges went off. The tank sank into the earth and down into the sewer below. The scream of laser fire was followed by the screams of the soldiers.

Vaquel was impressed. The rebels must have had demolitions prepared underground to deal with heavy vehicles. That takes a lot of foresight and quite a bit of luck to set off the charges in a way to catch a moving vehicle. Lucky for them, a horny space explorer stopped the tank trying to hitch a ride.

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” Vaquel yelled. This time she had inadvertently sabotaged her own way out. Was she ever getting back to her space ship? Was she ever going to fucking get laid?

Vaquel raised her pistol and took a shot at a rioting citizen. The laser punched through the rebel’s head, punched through the soldier he was fighting and lanced through the arm of another rebel.

“Great,” Vaquel said. “Everyone is getting penetrated but me!”

She walked through the rioting crowd, shooting people in frustration. The holes in her spacesuit were still open, exposing her breasts, hard nipples and wet sex to everyone. People were too busy fighting to leer at her which just pissed her off more.

The sound of breaking class caught her attention. There was a group of citizens looting the front of a store. They were young Zatty men and they were stealing hover cycles. One by one, they zoomed into the air making their escape.

“Yes,” Vaquel said and started running towards the hooligans. She didn’t need something big, she just needed something that was fast.

By the time she reached the store, there was only one bike and one looter left. He had started the bike but stopped to watch the half-naked brown alien running towards him.

“Wait, I want a ride!” Vaquel said.

“Where are you going?” the man asked.

“The spaceport!” Vaquel said. She tried to hold the pistol in a non-threatening manner but it was heavy. She wondered how fast she could draw and shoot on him if needed to.

“Damn, that’s far,” the man said. “What you offering? Credits, stimulants or orifices, no one rides for free!”

Vaquel pointed between her legs. “I got it covered.”

“All right,” the man said. He patted the seat in front of him. “Get your cock-hugger up here!”

He pulled at his pants and a hole formed. A giant mass of red cock emerged from his pants. It hardened with every passing second.

“Queen’s tit,” Vaquel moaned. It was a monster of an organ. This was going to be a rough ride.

Vaquel climbed into the bike. It was a simple design that resembled an engine with a seat strapped to it. The rider was meant to recline with his legs straddling the frame. There was plenty of room for Vaquel to sit between the rider’s legs.

“My name is Rego,” the rider said.

“I don’t care,” Vaquel said and she sat on his cock. The phallus was thick but Vaquel was slick and ready. It pushed easily inside her and filled her deepest regions.

“Fuck,” Vaquel groaned. She was complete again for the first time since this stupid rebellion started.

“Down. I need to see,” Rego said and he pushed her head. Vaquel leaned forward until her breasts were resting on the frame of the hover-bike. The Zatty’s cock stayed inside her, pulsing the entire time.

Rego grabbed the steering handles that were on either side of Vaquel’s head. The hover-bike lifted into the air. Vaquel dropped her weapon as she tried to hold on. Her thighs tightened around the Zatty’s waist but not as tight as her pussy was holding onto his cock.

“For the people!” Rego cried and the hover-bike shot through the air with astonishing speed.

Gravity pushed Vaquel back against Rego. The alien’s thick cock impaled her and she cried out. The forward momentum pinned her to the immense girth.

“Yeah!” Rego cried and he slammed his hand down on Vaquel’s ass. The thin spacesuit was no protection from the Zatty’s huge hand. His palm impacted into her ass and she felt it deep inside her tight sex.

Vaquel cried out. She was stuck on a large dick but she needed friction. Straddling the bike with her thighs, Vaquel reached for parts of the fuselage to brace herself. Once secure, she began to rock back and forth on the alien’s cock.

“Fuck!” Rego yelled. The bike swerved towards a building and he regained control just in time to miss it.

Vaquel kept fucking him. A near-miss like that wasn’t going to stop her. Let him worry about staying alive, she needed to come.

The hover-bike dipped down towards the ground. They skimmed less than a meter above the rioting crowd. People screamed as Rego fought to maintain control.

Vaquel fucked him harder. She found the best places to support herself as she slid back and forth along his thick cock. Her motions were aided by the pussy juices soaking the seat and lubricating the way for her shifting body.

Rego yelled and the hover-bike gained altitude. It rose up at a sharp angle and barely missed colliding into another public transport. The hover-bike reached its maximum altitude and leveled off although now it was in danger of smashing into elevated walkways.

Vaquel looked up and watched buildings zip past. A walkway approached fast and the hover-bike just managed to dip under it. Lurking beneath the walkway was another tank and the hover-bike flew by too fast for the soldiers to shoot it down.

“Queen’s tit,” Vaquel moaned. She rode the Zatty’s dick even harder. Two near-death experiences in less than a few seconds! This beats the hell out of fucking in some hotel room.

“Yeah, ride my sperm cannon!” Rego cried. He slapped her ass again and then quickly grabbed the control handles as they nearly swerved into a bank.

Vaquel fucked him faster. The hoverbike vibrated beneath her. It felt great against her sliding sex. She hugged the bike tightly so her big brown breasts were flattened against the vibrating metal.

Laser fire ripped through the air. Soldiers were trying to take them down, obviously fearing that the hover-bike was going to strafe them. The bike swerved and janked as Rego tried to desperately dodge the weapons fire.

Vaquel kept fucking. Something burned her arm but she kept fucking. The hover-bike shook as something slammed into it but Vaquel kept fucking.

As lasers tore through the air, Vaquel climaxed. Her sex spasmed around the thick alien cock. The vibrations from the hover-bike blended with the pleasure of her pussy until Vaquel felt like her entire body was climaxing.

“Right there!” Rego cried.

Whether he was talking about sex or an impending doom, Vaquel didn’t know. She clenched tighter and kept humping his cock. If they were to die, she hoped to get him off first.

Rego came. He roared his pleasure as a surge of seed filled Vaquel’s tight sex. She clenched tightly around him, milking his trapped dick inside her.

The hover-bike shuddered and dipped down. It slammed into the road and bounced upwards from the shock of the impact.

Vaquel came again. The sudden shock and skip sent shockwaves through her pussy and pushed her over the edge again.

The hover-bike flew forwards for several hundred meters before dipping back down again. It came down on top of a stationary vehicle and sipped forward again.

Vaquel climaxed again. She knew this kind of skipping was bad and probably meant their doom, but the sudden impacts were driving Rego’s cock deep inside her and her pussy reacted in the only way it could.

The hover-bike dropped again onto the ground and this time it didn’t rise back up. It skidded down the road with the horrible sounds of metal tearing coming from the base of the hover-bike.

Rego screamed and suddenly his cock was gone from Vaquel’s pussy. Vaquel no longer felt him behind her. She cried out at his sudden absence but at least this time her pussy was sated.

Vaquel hung onto the bike as it slowly skidded to a stop. The hover-bike hissed and beeped as various functions died or suffered catastrophic failures. It wouldn’t be flying again.

She climbed off the bike and nearly fell over. Her legs were jelly. She laughed and then winced as her tender pussy complained. There were going to be bruises.

“Where did that Zatty go?” Vaquel asked. She looked down the street and saw a red splatter that might have been him. Oh well, she was too sore to walk all that way to find out.

There was a sign nearby. It read, “Spaceport One Hundred Meters”

“Thanks for the ride,” she told the splatter down the road. “I think I can walk the rest of the way.”

Vaquel started walking, Her pussy was sore and made it difficult to walk. That was okay. The warm seed cooling in her sex helped with the pain.

Jul 032017
 

Blood Drive is a television series on the SyFy channel. It is set in the far dystopian future of 1999 where everything has turned to shit and gas is now 1000$ a gallon. There are food shortages, gas shortages and a helluva morality shortage but one thing there is not a shortage of is blood because every time someone dies, there is a geyser of that stuff.

The plot of the first episode is that a super hot goody two-shoes male cop is forced to team up with a super hot not-so-good female driver in a deadly race across country where all of the cars run on blood instead of gasoline. It is an illegal race run by Julian Slink for a group of lowlifes that also seem to crop up in apocalypses. The prize is ten million dollars but at the end of every day, the last person to cross the finish line gets their heads blown off by bombs implanted in their heads. Carnage and hilarity ensues.

It is an interesting show. When Rodriguez and Tarantino did their Grindhouse Double Feature, I thought they were ushering in a new wave of genre movies. I thought that as an audience, we were smart enough and at the same time, hungry for a sort of pseduo-grindhouse style where we embrace the crazy spectacle and mock the stupidity of the genre while still creating material that would fit in the genre. It was a big inspiration for my own novel, Pusse’ and Cox and I patiently waited for the rest of the world to do the same. Other than Hobo with a Shotgun, and a few other movies, it didn’t really happen. The closest we got was Jack Shear’s excellent Planet Terror, the RPG.

Now here we are, ten years later and we have one of the true inheritors of Rodriquez and Tarantino’s vision. The plot is stupid but gloriously entertaining. The references to previous genre movies are as endless as they were in Planet Terror or Death Proof. The characters are ridiculously hot and instead of indulging in will-they or won’t-they, the two main characters fuck in the first episode to save their lives. This is a show that knows what their audience wants and it gives it to them in bucket loads of blood, gore and sex.

Having said that, I had a small problem with the show. The cars need blood to drive so all of the racers are looking for victims to kill. At one point, a car full of smiling cheerleaders gets hijacked. It was disconcerting as a viewer to watch the cheerleaders tied up, crying and screaming. The cop stops it but you know, I was taken a bit out of the show. Up until this point, with the exception of the cop, we had seen only really nasty people in a nasty world. Even the cop’s police force maintains a quota of teeth that they beat out of citizens.  It is easier to accept gore and violence when you accept that everyone is a piece of shit anyway and probably deserve what they get. The cheerleaders break that concept and get me distracted thinking about to really deserves to get fed into a hungry engine rather than sitting back and enjoying the violence.

Funny enough, I am three episodes in and a similar situation has yet to happen again. I hope the show runners learned from that.

Stray thoughts,

ContraCrime, the police force owned by a corporation has as their motto, “We kill because we care.” Fuck, that is pretty much our police in the real world, isn’t it?

Julian Slink runs the race and I didn’t say much about him because you really have to see him to appreciate how awesome he is. He has the pacing of a DJ, the humor of a horror host and the menace of a promotion broker who really just wants to make some money this time.  he is played by the amazing Colin Cummingham and he is a delight in every scene.

How weird is this world? We got engines that look like something out of Hellraiser drinking blood, androids posing as people, a Murderous Clown driver, cops who carry computers that instantly assess crime penalties and pulse bombs in the back of your necks.

Did I mention how ridiculously sexy everyone is? Christ, even the male cop is supernaturally sexy.

Jun 082017
 

Explorer’s Log: I am on my first day of my thirty-seven-day journey to the star system designated “Beloved Third Toe on the Queen’s Right Foot” by Royal Astronomers. Systems scans show that everything is optimal but my own personal diligence has revealed that we are currently travelling under nominal thrust as if we have extra weight on board. I will engage in a thorough search for possible stowaways as well as examine the propulsion units. To accommodate for the reduced thrust, I am enacting an emergency protocol to use extra power to stay on schedule. The twenty-year mission for the Queen cannot be jeopardized! End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: I was recruited by rebel forces to smuggle a robot to the next star system. The robot has plans for a planet killing weapon and the rebels want to develop counter-measures. I could give a slave’s pimple about the rebels but I am debating blackmailing the rebels for a ransom before returning their robot. I am not sure what I should demand, although the idea of a bed slaves comes to mind. I have thirty-six days to think of something.

The robot exceeds my cargo limit but I think I can successfully lie about it for a few weeks. I have yet to activate the robot so who knows, it might actually be entertaining in its own manner.

“It doesn’t look like much,” Chairbot said. The robot chair had elevated his seat in what could only be described as a haughty manner.

Vaquel agreed. Right now, the robot looked like a bunch of metal bars stacked on top of one another. The box it came in didn’t contain any instructions. What kind of robot was this, anyway? Some sort of plumbing examiner?

“Oh well, it must be inactive,” Chairbot said. “Too bad! I guess we’ll never know! Would you like to sit on me, Mistress? I can detect that your ass is particularly sweaty today!”

“Eww, no,” Vaquel said. She self-consciously picked at her violet spacesuit. To make up for the extra power to thrust, Vaquel had to turn down the temperature controls. It was muggy inside the ship and her short pink hair was sticking to her scalp. The spacesuit insulated her curvy body from the heat but unless she wanted to wear her helmet for a weeks, there was still going to be some sweating.

She took a closer look at the robot. There had to be a way to power it up. If it did nothing else, she could instruct it to wave a fan at her.

A black button almost perfectly blended in with a metal bar. Who designed this shit? Vaquel pressed it.

There was a buzzing sound. The metal bars began to slide around. Two of the bars planted themselves and lifted the rest of the bars into the air. More bars slide around to form legs and arms. A metal bar rose from the shoulders and flashed blue lights. Small metal bars extended from the ends of bars to form hands.

“Still doesn’t look like much,” Chairbot said in a surly manner. “There is nowhere to sit!”

It was true. The robot now looked like a skeleton frame of a three-meter tall humanoid. It still wasn’t clear what its function was.

“Hello!” a polite voice said. “I am Fictor-96! I am a Personal Attendance Robot trained in eighty techniques of personal satisfaction! How may I attend to you?”

Vaquel’s eyebrows raised. “Personal attendance? I like the sound of that. What kind of attendance?”

“Anything you can imagine, madam,” Fictor-96 said. “I can answer messages. I can serve drinks. I can cook meals. I can bathe you. I can perform sanitary waste manual exertions on your behalf.”

“Wait, is that a fancy way of saying you can wipe my ass?” Vaquel said.

“I would be happy to, madam!”

“I didn’t hear provide a comfortable place to sit,” Chairbot said. “That’s too bad! I guess we have no use for you!”

“It may appear so, little friend, but I have a few surprises,” Fictor-96 said. He held his metal hands out. The buzzing sound became louder.

“Well, if you like that sort of thing,” Chairbot said.

“What? I don’t see anything,” Vaquel said.

“Sorry madam, I am unfamiliar with the ocular abilities of your petite species,” Fictor-96 said. He extended his hands towards Vaquel. “Feel for yourself.”

Vaquel reached out and felt his hands. There was a pleasant vibration as she touched something solid. “Oh, it’s a force field.”

“Yes, madam,” Fictor-96 said. “I am equipped with forty different force fields with nine different variable speeds. They allow me to lift objects, provide defensive cover, apply massages and substitute as furniture for rest and comfort.”

“I’m the only furniture that Mistress needs around here!” Chairbot snapped.

“Hush, Chairbot,” Vaquel ordered. “Don’t say another word! Fictor, what was that about massages?”

“The massage skills of my make and model are rated highly by robot users,” Fictor-96 said. “Although massages designed for muscle relaxing is my primary massage function, a surprisingly high number of users use their robots to perform massages of sexual gratification.”

“Queen’s tit!” Vaquel swore. “If those idiot rebels had told me that they wanted me to smuggle a sex robot, I wouldn’t have given them such a demanding time!
Wait, you are aware that you are carrying plans for some sort of terrible weapon, right?”

“I cannot confirm or deny such information to a user without the proper password or biometric data,” Fictor-96 said.

“That is smart,” Vaquel admitted. “Although it would be smarter if you lied about that rather than telling someone they don’t have clearance. Fuck, it is amazing these rebels accomplish anything.”

“Lying is outside of my capabilities,” Fictor-96 said. “Which means you can be sure that I am being completely factual when I say that I would like to demonstrate some of my sexual gratification fields for you at this time, since you seemed to have such an intense interest in it.”

Chairbot’s seat vibrated with jealous rage.

Vaquel kicked Chairbot. “Show me one of your sexual massage fields.”

“Where shall I apply it, madam?” the robot asked. “I shall also consider your limited ocular senses.”

“Try my breasts,” Vaquel said.

Fictor-96’s hand was surrounded by a red glow. He spread his small metal fingers and the field shrunk around them like a glove. The robot placed his hand on one of Vaquel’s massive breasts.

“Whoa,” Vaquel groaned. The spacesuit dulled some of the vibrations but not all of them. She felt her breast quiver inside her suit. Vaquel’s nipple hardened and poked against the violet material.

“Oh my,” Vaquel said. She took Fictor-96’s hand and pulled it down to her sex.

“Is it enjoyable, madam?” Fictor-96 asked.

Vaquel tried to speak but all that came out was a moan. The vibrations were wonderful against her pussy. If it felt this good with her suit on, how good will it feel inside her?

She pulled the hand away and gasped. “You have been trained to get people off like this? You finger-fuck them with your force fields?”

“I have been trained in that manner of stimulation, yes, madam,” Fictor-96 said. “However, I thought you might enjoy it more if I create a phallus to stimulate you instead.”

“You can do that?” Vaquel asked.

“Allow me to demonstrate,” Fictor-96 said.

A red field formed under what passed for a pelvis on Fictor-96’s skeletal metal body. The field coalesced into a phallic shape. It grew and extended to an impressive size.

“Whoa,” Vaquel said. “A little shorter and half as wide.”

“Yes, madam,” Fictor-96 said. The phallic field changed to her specifications.

Vaquel was impressed. It wasn’t often she got a cock made to order.

She touched a button on her belt. The skintight violet spacesuit began to retract to from her body. Her larger brown breasts flopped out of her suit. The material pulled away from her wide hips and generous ass. The pink bush of her pubic hair was revealed and they were already damp with desire.

Vaquel pulled off her belt and stepped out of her boots. She stood naked before the metal robot and its force field cock. “Well get to it, Fictor. Skip any foreplay you have programmed. I’m ready to go.”

“I will take that into my calculations,” Fictor-96 said. “Choosing random position. I’ve selected Executive Power.”

The robot bent over at the waist and grabbed Vaquel’s thighs with his manual force fields. He stood up, sweeping the explorer’s legs out from under her. As she cried out, the fields held onto her thighs and lifted her up. She was upside down with her head missing the floor by inches.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Vaquel yelled.

“Shall I subdue him, Mistress?” Chairbot said. The robot chair bumped aggressively against Fictor-96’s leg.

“Position is nearly complete,” Fictor-96 said.

Vaquel felt something thick and vibrating press against her upside-down pussy lips. It was the force field cock. The robot lifted Vaquel by her thighs and the force cock entered her sex.

“Queen’s tit!” Vaquel cried out. “Shit, that feels good!” The robot began to lift and drop her in a slow manner with its force cock inside her.

“I almost have him!” Chairbot said as he continued to ram against Fictor-96’s leg.

“Stop, Chairbot!” Vaquel yelled. “It feels great and if you stop it, I’m selling you for scrap!”

Chairbot speed away in a silent huff.

“I am glad that you enjoy it, madam,” Fictor-96 said.

The robot kept fucking Vaquel. The arms did most of the work, as it slid Vaquel’s tight sex up and down its force cock. The vibrations pulsed in an unpredictable manner that kept Vaquel shuddering with delight.

Blood rushed to Vaquel’s head. Her large breasts flopped down to her shoulders and felt weird. She had her arms down on the ground for lack of any better place to put them but it was still awkward. There had to be a better way to have sex but it felt too good to interrupt.

“Would you prefer this speed instead, madam?” Fictor-96 said.

The vibration inside her increased. Vaquel moaned as her sex was assaulted with more sensation. She clenched tightly around the field and rode the pleasure.

“I will accept that answer as a positive,” Fictor-96 said. “Standby for more friction.”

The field elongated inside her. Vaquel cried out at the increased depth and then groaned as it shrunk back.

It happened again. Vaquel cried out louder.

The field did it again and again and again and again. The force field cock was cycling through different lengths inside her pussy as the robot continued to lift and drop her in mid-air.

Vaquel squirmed within the robot’s force field grip. She wanted to wrap her legs around something but the fields hold her thighs wouldn’t let her move. She wanted to use her hands to hold onto something but hanging upside down as she was, all she could grab was the floor. She wanted to kiss or suck something but all she could do was bite her lip.
There was one more thing that Vaquel could do. She could come.

“Glory to the Queen!” she cried out. Her orgasm was powerful and rocketed through her body. The force of her climax was so strong, she felt herself on the verge of passing out.

Then again, that might just be from being upside down so long.

“Gratification detected,” Fictor-96 said. “Selecting another position at random. Changing to Rebel Hideout.”

“What the fuck is that?” Vaquel asked.

Fictor-96 lifted pulled out of Vaquel’s wet sex and lifted her body in the air. Vaquel was spun around so that now her feet were pointing at the floor again and her head was nearly upright. A wave of dizziness came over her as force fields grabbed and pulled at her limbs. She offered no resistance as she was guided into a new position.

Vaquel was levitating facedown a meter from the ground. Her arms knees were pulled up and pressing into her breasts. Strong forces pinned her arms around her legs. She felt like she was sitting inside an invisible egg of force.

“This will be tight, madam,” Fictor-96 said and he entered her from behind.

“Oh, yes!” Vaquel agreed. The familiar phallic force field was back inside her. With her legs compacted, she felt like a tiny ball of muscle being penetrated by something wonderful. The field pushed inside her and she felt tighter than she had in years.

“Prepare for heightened stimulation,” Fictor-96 said.

“What does that mean?” Vaquel tried to ask but she got her answer immediately. The phallic force field dived deeper inside her and then pulled nearly out almost as fast. It repeated the action as the vibrations increased.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Vaquel said as she was fucked. It was almost too much. The vibrations were too powerful. The penetration was too deep. The position of her body made her too tight. She was overwhelmed with sensation.

“Your posterior area jiggles in a manner that most sentients find pleasing,” Fictor-96 said. “I will record my visual data so you may appreciate it later.”

Vaquel frowned. Was this dirty talk? If it was, it was working.

“The tightness of your vaginal port is in the top five percentiles of desired sexual characteristics,” Fictor-96 said.

Vaquel moaned in response.

“If I was an average Zatty male, I would have reached climax three minutes ago due to your superior attractive qualities,” Fictor-96 said.

“Oh yeah,” Vaquel groaned.

The fucking increased in speed and force. Vaquel cried out as the vibrations filled her sex. As tightly bound as she was, it felt like the force field was penetrating her entire body.

“Do you want more, madam?” Fictor-96 said.

Vaquel laughed between gasps. She couldn’t possibly take any more, could she? There was only one way to find out.

“Give it to me,” Vaquel said. “I order you to fuck my brains out!”

“Complying,” Fictor-96 said. The fucking increased in speed. The phallic force field lengthened and thickened. The vibrations reach new levels of intensity.

“Glory to-“ Vaquel’s cry turned into a scream as the power of her orgasm broke through her body. She screamed in pleasure as her senses reeled. She kept screaming as her body shook and then collapsed.

“Oh dear,” Fictor-96 said. “Is she broken?”

Chairbot rolled next to Vaquel’s hovering body. “She’s passed out.”

“Is that normal?” Fictor-96 said.

“Only when the sex is really bad,” Chairbot said.

“That’s too bad, I thought she was enjoying it,” Fictor-96 said. “She had all of the signs of good sex. She was sweating profusely. Her breathing was elevated. The spasm of her vaginal cavity was rapid.”

“Correct, that is bad sex,” Chairbot said.

“I will enquire when she wakes up as you what I can do to make it better,” Fictor-96 said. “Is there a place I should put madam?”

“Mistress sleeps here,” Chairbot said as he rolled down the probe ship corridor. He stopped in front of a wall. A section of the wall lifted to reveal a bed bunk.

Fictor-96 carried the sleeping Vaquel over to the bed. He placed her down gently and deactivated his force field. Vaquel instinctively stretched out. Fictor-96 covered her with a blanket.

“Now that madam is asleep, I wanted to say something to you, Chairbot,” Fictor-96 said.

“Oh?”

“I notice that you are jealous of me,” Fictor-96 said. “Although I am capable of providing many services to madam as well as endless variations in sexual pleasure, there is no need to worry about me replacing you. I admit, I do appear to be superior in you in many ways, including providing a place for madam to sit, but I am sure you will serve madam’s needs in your own way.”

Chairbot processed this. “Thank you for saying that. I feel much better now.”

“I am glad,” Fictor-96 said. “I am sure that we will become great friends. Now I need to recharge. Sexual gratification drains a lot of my batteries. I am unfamiliar with this ship design and the language of the signs is unknown to me. Is there a recharging station I can use?”

“You can use mine!” Chairbot said happily. Chairbot rolled over to a different part of the wall. A small panel opened retracted into the floor. The new doorway was just large enough for Chairbot to roll into.

“It is quite low,” Fictor-96 said.

“I am sure your superior design will allow you to use it!” Chairbot said.

“True,” Fictor-96 said. The robot’s frame began compressing onto itself. The leg bars telescoped down and the arm bars shrunk. The shoulder bar reduced in length. Even the robot’s head bar collapsed onto itself.

Now much smaller, Fictor-96 crawled into through the hole in the wall. Once he was completely inside, he scanned the interior.

“Chairbot, I do not detect a charging port,” Fictor-96 said.

“Oh, that is because the door needs to be closed first,” Chairbot said. The robot beeped and panel door slid close.

“I still do not see it,” Fictor-96 said.

“Really?” Chairbot said. “Even with your superior design that doesn’t allow lying?”

“What does lying have to do with-“ WOOOSH!

“Garbage Airlock Cycle Completed,” the ship’s computer announced.

Chairbot rolled over to the navigation pod. He accessed the ship’s systems to find and detect Fictor-96. The flailing robot was drifting in space as the probe ship continued its course to the next star system.

“Incoming message from outside object,” the ship’s computer said.

“Block transmission,” Chairbot said. “Delete log of transmission blocking. Delete log of transmission. Delete log of log deletions.”

Chairbot rolled over to Vaquel’s sleeping body. It placed itself with leg’s reach in case Mistress wanted to sit down when she woke up. Vibration motors began a maintenance cycle for peak efficiency.

“Mistress, the robot stepped right into the garbage airlock!” Chairbot practiced. “I tried to stop it but it said it was superior and knew what it was doing!”

Chairbot marked that lie as believable and filed it away for when Mistress woke up.