Jul 212014

I saw the Purge 2 this weekend. My wife saw the 1st movie and I hadn’t but hey, what else were we going to watch this week, Sex Tape?

The Purge 2 is about a future American society that has one night out of the year where all crime is legal. People use this time to mostly kill people instead of knocking over banks or stealing a better laptop. The movie is about 5 people who through various bad circumstances are caught outside of their homes and are trying to get to safety. They elude gangs, psychos, goddamn rich white people, and a secret government conspiracy. For a horror movie, it was quite bloodless and more of an survival action movie. I liked it.

I read reviews after seeing the movie where most critics and regular viewers couldn’t get past the premise. They pointed out the plot holes in having a night of crime and were eager to point out how utterly realistic it is for America, a country obsessed with guns and violence, to endorse and profit off a night of guns and violence. They questioned the legal system and were skeptical of the enforcement policies. Mostly, they just thought the premise was full of shit.

Which the premise is totally full of shit. Most fiction is. Harry Potter and a magical society that sneaks around while having World Cup Quidditich matches is full of shit. Star Wars and their single biodome planets is totally full of shit.  Vampires dating high school Mormon girls is totally full of shit. Shit is the fuel that keeps our fiction running.

Still, I understand that when suspension of belief is not achieved, it is the art’s fault, not the reader’s. Okay, I know it but I have a hard time believing it.  I have trouble believing in other people’s lack of suspension in belief.

Lately I have been reading Thomas Ligotti and Jorge Luis Borges so maybe I am mentally predisposed to believing in weird shit. My attitude when I watch a movie or a series is that everything in that fictional universe makes sense in that universe.  The people in the Purge really like murder and don’t bother to think of other crimes. Star Wars meteorology climates must have been really fucked up by the presence of the Force.  Muggles in Harry Potter might be mentally handicapped and incurious.  To me, it is more fun to revel in the differences of a fictional world than trying to shoehorn real world stuff into it. Instead of doubting whether the characteristics of a fictional world is beleivable, I ask myself why the fuck this weird detail works in this universe.

Which brings me to porn. If I have one grand universal theory for my stories, it is this : All my porn stories take place in a world where porn scenarios make sense. Pizza Delivery Guys accept blowjobs in lieu of payment because for some reason, they make enough money that they can afford to pay for the occasional pizza. BDSM societies are never corrupted by serial rapists because they have their shit down tight. Aliens have a surprisingly high number of sexually compatible genitalia for a reason I am totally going to get into.

To me, plot holes are a hint that a place is more interesting than what is on the surface.

Jul 162014

“Thank you for coming, Dr. Wei,” Dr. Pedwick said. “You come highly recommended for your skills and your discretion.”

Sexual Archeologist Kimberly Wei smiled. “I am always happy to help the High Museum. When we have time later, I would love to browse your collection of Folk Pornography.”

Dr. Pedwick frowned. He also looked disapprovingly at Kimberly’s expansive cleavage. “I am sure something can be arranged, though we prefer to call it Folk Sexual Expression.”

“Of course,” Kimberly said. She decided to release her long black hair from her bun to see if that would upset him too. Her silky hair flew around her head as she gave it a casual toss.

“Let’s go right to the problem, shall we?” Dr. Pedwick said. He turned around and hurried to the basement stairs.

Kimberly suppressed a smile and moved quickly to keep up. “I heard you discovered that the artifact in question has a secret inside?”

“It has several,” Dr. Pedwick said. He unlocked the basement door and led her through twisting corridors of shelves. “We recently x-rayed the artifact along with the others in the collection. We were surprised to discover that the interior was filled with gears and mechanisms that were baffling to understand. Even more interesting was that a scroll appears to be secured inside the artifact. It became obvious that what we thought was a curiosity was in fact a sort of puzzle box.”

“I have cracked a few puzzles in my time,” Kimberly said. Dr. Pedwick froze in his tracks. “And left them intact of course.”

“Good,” Dr. Pedwick said as he resumed walking. He had gone pale for a moment. “I don’t need to remind you that this artifact is priceless and belonged to one of the most important men in history.”

“And yet it might never be shown in an exhibit because of the prudishness of museums and their sponsors,” Kimberly said.

Dr. Pedwick ignored her entirely accurate observation. “Here we are,” he said. He unlocked another door and led them into a small room.

Sitting on a table under a single light was the artifact. It was a foot tall and covered in small metal scales. Two heavy balls formed the base of the artifact that leaned ever so slightly to the left. The tip was as wide as Kimberly’s gasping mouth. Two chairs sat to the side, waiting to be used.

“Da Vinci’s Cock,” she whispered.

“We prefer the term, Da Vinci’s Penile Facsimile,” Dr. Pedwick said.

Kimberly laughed. “Of course. Alright Doctor, I can take it from here. You may go. I will let you know if I unlock it.”

Dr. Pedwick made a face. “I thought I would be assisting you.”

Kimberly shook her head. “I work better alone. Besides, what would your colleagues think if they found out you assisted a sex archeologist?”

“Quite true,” Dr. Pedwick said. “Very well. Be sure to use the gloves in the box there and observe strict handling protocols. It is a priceless artifact.”

“And a pretty cock,” Kimberly said.

Dr. Pedwick made another face and left. The door clicked behind him.

“Be sure to use the gloves,” Kimberly mocked. “I’ve been on more digs and sites than he ever has!” She pulled out the latex gloves and put them on with a simmering fury.

After the gloves were on, Kimberly picked up Da Vinci’s Cock. It was heavy. The metal scales covered it from balls to tip. She tried pressing on a few of the scales and felt a little give. Yes, there were definitely some pressure points.

She tried a few twists like the kind that opened First Emperor’s Chastity Cage. That didn’t work.

She tilted the cock from side to side to see if counterweights would unlock it like it did with Madam Curie’s Radium Vibrator. That didn’t work.

She tried pressed the cock around the shaft to see if there was a secret button like there was on George Washington’s personal handcuffs. That didn’t work.

Kimberly frowned. Well, she didn’t expect it to be easy but it was always nice when it was. She set the cock down on the table and took a seat on a chair.

The cock leaned proudly on the table. The scales caught the light like a phallic disco ball.

Kimberly reached out and cupped one of the balls. They were larger than real life but still exquisitely shaped. It took a craftsman like Leonardo to make balls this realistic.

There was a click from the cock. Kimberly froze, her palm still cupping the ball.

“Hmm,” she said. She put her other hand to work cupping the other ball. Nothing happened.

Kimberly carefully rubbed the two large balls. She could feel the cold metal through her gloves but she was gentle as if she was rubbing flesh. She closed her eyes and imagined that both balls were warm and soft as she rubbed.


She opened her eyes. It was hard to tell, but the cock looked like it was a little bit straighter. She kept rubbing the balls to see if she could create any more clicks.

Nothing happened.

Kimberly let go of the balls and reached for the shaft. She got a firm grip and tugged it across the table towards her.


“Oh, you liked that?” she asked the cock. She tightened her grip and slowly stroked down the length of the cock.


“You are a dirty puzzle cock, aren’t you?” Kimberly asked. She tugged up the cock all the way to the tip.


She tugged back down. Nothing happened. She stroked back up. Nothing happened. She quickened her pace and pumped the cock a few times. Nothing.

Leonardo Da Vinci was a master of many things but people were hung up on his drawings and his secret codes about who was married to whom. They overlooked his other skills like his unparalleled work in pressure plates and mechanism sensitivity. Kimberly had a thought on what she needed to do next.

“Oh, just like a man. They are always greedy.”

Kimberly leaned forward. She was glad that Dr. Pedwick wasn’t here. He would lose his shit.

She opened her mouth and her tongue darted out. She gave the tip of the metal cock a single lick.


Kimberly smiled and licked again, this time under the rim of the cock’s tip.


Kimberly kept licking. She licked the slit of the cock’s head. She took a long loving lick of the perimeter of the cock’s tip. She stretched her mouth and managed to get the tip of the cock into her mouth.

Click. Click. Click.

Now she was sure that the cock was moving. It straightened and no longer leaned to the left. The girth increased ever so slightly.

Kimberly kept licking. She ran her tongue down the length of the cock. She planted little kisses on the large balls. She nibbled her way back up the cock’s tip, her teeth biting ever so gently.

Click. Click. Click.

The metal cock wasn’t the only thing changing. Kimberly’s sex was damp. There was a heat between her legs that was responding to the genius of the cock’s crafter. She wished that she was sucking Leonardo’s real cock but this would do.

A gloved hand undid her pants. She shifted as she slipped latex covered fingers down past her panties, down past her trimmed bush and down into her sex.

Kimberly groaned onto the cock.


She opened her mouth as wide as she could and tried to take the cock into her mouth. It was too big. She choked on it as her lips struggled. Spit ran down the sides.

Click. Click. Click.

She plunged her fingers in and out of her sex. She imagined Leonardo looking down on her as she sucked his cock. She pictured his cock growing to immense sizes within her mouth. She fantasized about the groans he would make. Her fingers made wet squishy sounds in the secured basement room.

Squish. Squish. Squish.

Kimberly stopped trying to swallow the cock and instead showered it with kisses. Wet lips rubbed against the head of the cock. Her darting tongue traced facsimiles of veins in the metal shaft. Hot breath washed over the straightening artifact.

Click. Click. Click.

She stopped kissing the cock and pressed it to her cleavage. The heavy cock was slick from her spit. She stroked herself faster as she enjoyed the weight of the metal cock. Her mouth opened her tongue licked the tip as it nestled between her tits.

Squish. Squish. Squish.

The cock expanded in size. The metal scales shifted as she kept licking. Kimberly’s fingers rubbed harder against her clit. Her long black hair fell on the balls and a hinge appeared on the cock. The seat shook as Kimberly fingered herself.

Click. Squish. Click. Squish.

One long suck on the head of the cock and a panel opened. Kimberly kept sucking as a small rolled up scroll fell out of the cock. She trembled as a wave of triumph swept over her followed quickly by an orgasm deep in her sex.

Kimberly moaned. With shaking hands, she pushed the cock away from her mouth. It shined with her spit. With trembling fingers, she pulled her fingers out of her sex. They glistened with her juices.

She pulled her gloves off and put on new ones. Still breathing hard, she reached across and picked up the scroll. She carefully unfolded it to see what Da Vinci had hidden away all these years.

It was a small sketch. The famous face of the Mona Lisa looked back at Kimberly, as well as her bare breasts, wide hips, hairy bush and the deeply embedded metal cock inside of her. Kimberly was amazed. Somehow she had managed to get that monster metal cock inside her.

“Certainly explains the smile,” Kimberly said.

Jul 142014

Hello, I am Vix Plaser for GNC, with an update to last week’s holostation hijacking.

Military sources can now confirm that the Savage Thrust, commanded by notorious space pirate, Captain Blastpants, was responsible for taking over the entertainment holostation, Prayer-Wheel-5, in the Chastity System. His motive for replacing the normal religious channels with hardcore Foglian Pornography was the apparent disruption of patrol ships and merchant vessels. Captain Blastpants is alleged to have attacked a record breaking forty-two merchants ships during the twenty hour broadcast of porn.

For more on this story, we turn to our senior pirate correspondent, Cassie Neemix, who is reporting live from the Chastity System Temple of Defense. Cassie, what have your sources told you?

“Thank you Vic. Sources here have told me that the onslaught of vivid porn and graphic depictions of sexual genitals crippled the infrastructure of the Chastity Defense Navy. Military personnel were so disgusted by what they saw that they were unable to turn away and carry on their duties when merchant vessels sent distress calls. Those who did respond were slow and uninterested in performing their duties. Four hundred and sixty eight cases of exhaustion were reported as members of the military attempted masturbation for the first time.”

That is awful, Cassie. What about the civilian population? How did it affect them?

“That is a good question, Vic. Even though control of Prayer-Wheel-5 is back under the Temple of Prayer, rioting continues all across the Chastity System. Civilians are demanding equal orgasms, freedom to kiss and access to all sorts of phallic fruits and vegetables. The Temple of the High Priest insists everything is under control but planets all across the system are staging protests where the High Priest is being fucked in effigy.”

Cassie, is it true that the Temple of Defense is now enforcing a blockade around their own planet?”

“That is correct, Vic. After tasting pornography for the first time, the citizens of Chastity System are now demanding more of it. There is a thriving black market profiting off the smuggling of sexual materials into the system. Allegedly, the most successful smuggler is Captain Blastpant himself.”

Shocking news, Cassie. We will now take a commercial break but when we return, our financial experts will tell you which pornography companies you should invest in during this boom in demand. I’m Vic Plaser and you’re watching Galactic News Channel.

Jul 092014

Explorer’s Log: I am on day four of my twenty day voyage to the star system designated “Queen’s Perfect Posture” by Royal Astronomers. I have officially left Forian space and it will be another seven days before I enter Yeth space.

The Forians have told me that the Yeth are a synthetic race created by a race known only as The Fourth. The Forians have a low opinion of the Yeth and find them incredibly boring. Considering that the Forians consider any race that doesn’t have orgies to be dull, I will keep an open mind with the Yeth. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: Artificial Intelligence races are rare so I am looking forward to cataloging this race. The Royal Navy awards ten bedslaves and a summer beach home to anyone who finds a new A.I. race. I’ll get a bonus of a trained massage bedslave if the race is easily manipulated with logic paradoxes. I have to break out my old explorer’s manual and find a few choice riddles to-

“Attention Filthy Organic!” Vaquel Di jumped as the message was broadcasted over her comm system. A ship was on an intercept course with her and was broadcasting on all frequencies. According to what the Forians had told her, it was a Yeth ship.

“Damn, I’m still a good ways from Yeth territory,” Vaquel said. “They value their privacy.”

“Greetings Yeth Ship,” Vaquel broadcasted back. “I am Vaquel Di of the Euphorian Royal Navy. I come on a mission of peace and mutual discovery.”

The viewscreen activated. A purple metal box mounted on a larger metal box looked at her with glowing yellow eyes.

“Vaqueldi, my designation is 908wa. You will be allowed to visit our machine perfection pending an assessment of your pollutive qualities. Do you consent to a biological assessment or do you agree to be vaporized to prevent your disgusting organic matter from infecting our system?”

“Uh, I guess I’ll take the assessment,” Vaquel said. “Can we do it on my ship or should I come to your’s?”

“Negative, Vaqueldi,” the 908wa replied. “I will dock with your ship and come aboard for your biological assessment. Any resistance will be considered a sign of your inherent organic mental instability and you will be vaporized. Comply, yes/no?”

“Uh, yes,” Vaquel said.

The screen went blank. “Looks like I’ve got visitors,” Vaquel said.
She stood up and took a quick personal assessment. Her short pink hair was freshly cut and looking cute. She was wearing a blue skintight spacesuit that was partially unzipped to reveal plenty of her brown cleavage. The Yeth probably didn’t appreciate tits but it was no reason not to look sexy.

The probe ship shook as the Yeth ship docked. Vaquel stood before the airlock and wondered if she had enough time to dig out a logic paradox from the manual. She decided to lower the gravity instead so her brown breasts would float more.

The doors opened and a tall metal humanoid stepped out. It looked different from the box that Vaquel had been talking to earlier. This robot had two arms, two legs and quite a few scanning devices located at the crotch. It was certainly an interesting design choice.

“Welcome to my ship,” Vaquel said. “Are you 908wa or a different Yeth?

“I am 908wa controlling this biological assessment unit,” the robot replied. “Biological assessment begins now.”

“Sure, what do you need me to-fuck!”

908wa grabbed one of her arms and lifted her from the ground. The other hand of the robot began to spin like a circle saw. Vaquel kicked at the robot but it barely budged.

“Remain still for inorganic shedding,” 908wa said.

The robot brought the blade to Vaquel’s chest. She stopped struggling as the spinning blades came in contact with her spacesuit. Blue fabric flew everywhere and Vaquel felt a slight tingling on her skin.

“Queen’s tit!” Vaquel yelled. “You could have asked me to undress!”

908wa didn’t respond. It held her by her wrist as the spinning blade went to work on the rest of her body. It shredded the suit around her heavy breasts and freed them. It cut through the fabric on her hips and revealed the pink bush of her pubis hair. The blade sliced through the tight material on her long legs and as well as the material clinging to the curves of her ass. The spinning blades went up and down her arms until they were as bare as well. When she was completely nude, 908wa released her and dropped her to the ground.

Vaquel landed on her feet and did a quick check of her skin. She wasn’t bleeding anywhere. The blade had never touched her.

“Asshole,” Vaquel yelled. Before she could make a run for her weapons, 908wa grabbed one of her tits. The robot’s hand was large enough to engulf her entire large brown breast.

“I do not have a posterior waste exhaust,” 908wa said. “Prepare for surface skin contamination assessment.”

The fingers of the Yeth’s hand slowly squeezed Vaquel’s tit. She winced but then the hand began to pleasantly vibrate. The wince turned into a moan as the strongest vibrations were centered on her nipple. The vibrations sent warm pleasant tingles throughout her body.

“This isn’t so bad,” she moaned.

“Microscopic traces of a dozen different alien genetic materials has been discovered,” 908wa said.

“What can I say? Aliens of all species love big tits.”

The robot released her tit. Vaquel winced as the blood came back into circulation. That didn’t stop her from making a dive for her laser pistol.

908wa grabbed her legs as Vaquel was in midair. She hit the ground softly and was grateful that she had lowered the gravity.

“What are you doing?” Vaquel yelled. The Yeth grabbed both of her ankles and spread her legs apart. She tried to remember the paradox about two brothers lying.

“Assessing orifice contaminants in four, three, two, engage.”

Something warm and vibrating touched her sex. Vaquel froze in mid struggle. She looked over her shoulder to see 908wa was extending a robotic arm from its crotch to probe her sex.

“Shit, why didn’t you say so?” Vaquel said. She relaxed and lifted her hips. The probe slipped into her sex expanded within her.

“Whoa!” Vaquel said. The vibrations were nice but having her sex filled was even nicer. She pushed down with her arms to raise her torso while 908wa still held her ankles. It was all about the positioning.

“Filthy,” 908wa said, obviously reading some sort of internal scanner.

“If you do it right,” Vaquel agreed.

“Prepare for secondary orifice assessment,” 908wa said.

As Vaquel worked out what that meant, something wet and slippery splashed against her ass. “Ohhh!” she said in understanding.

Another probe pushed against her ass. Vaquel held herself up with one hand while her other hand reached behind and grabbed a butt cheek. She pulled the cheek to the side as the probe wiggled and made its way into her ass.

“Yes!” Vaquel yelled. The probe pushed and buried itself in her ass. She became a bit concerned as it pushed deeper than Vaquel thought was possible. Then it pushed a little deeper.

“Hold on, you got to be care-ohhhhhhhhhh.” Vaquel’s protests were stopped by the powerful vibrations of the anal probe. Pleasure rippled through her body and made her eyes clench shut.

“There is almost as much genetic evidence of other races in your waste exhaust as there is in your sexual intake,” 908wa observed.

“Yeah, aliens love a big ass too,” Vaquel moaned.

The vibrations increased as more sensitive scans were done. Vaquel shook and writhed as 908wa held onto her ankles. She lifted her torso from the floor as she did her best to hump the probes inside her.

908wa pulled her legs further apart. The probe in her sex went deeper and hit a sensitive spot that made Vaquel cry out in orgasm. The probe in her ass went deeper and she felt like she was being split apart in the most wonderful way possible.

The twin vibrations grew stronger. Vaquel came again and she dropped weakly to the floor. Her breasts were crushed by her body weight as the robot lifted her legs higher. Vaquel surrendered completely as she enjoyed another climax.

Vaquel’s sex was dripping with pleasure. Beads of sex juice slid down her sex, down her waist and onto her breasts before falling to the floor.

“Disgusting,” 908wa declared as the vibrations increased.

“Disgust me,” Vaquel said insensibly. She slapped the ground as yet another orgasm rippled through her body.

The probes inside her withdrew. Vaquel moaned with disappointment as they left her sex and ass. 908wa released her ankles and she drifted slowly down to the ground.
“Prepare for energy intake port assessment,” 908wa said.

Vaquel was in too much afterglow to work out what that meant. She got her answer when she felt a powerful hand grab her sweaty pink hair and pull her to her knees. She moaned happily at this unexpected domination.

A probe hovered in front of her mouth. Vaquel felt a moment of terror at the thought that it might be the probe that had been in her ass. She didn’t have time to react as it lunged for her lips and entered her mouth.

Thank the Queen, the probe tasted like pussy.

Vaquel choked as the probe assaulted her mouth. She laughed as the probe fucked her face. She moaned as the probabe hit the back of her throat.

Who knew that a robot race would fuck her too? And fuck her well.

“Filthy,” 908wa declared. His probe left Vaquel’s mouth, glistening with her spit.

“Did you enjoy it too?” she teased.

“You have been cleared to visit the home world of the Yeth,” 908wa said. “You must adhere to the following protocols. One, you must wear an environmental suit at all times. Two, any exposure of your disgusting organic filth to the surface of the planet will result in immediate environmental sterilization including but not limited to atomic disintegration or plasma cleansing. Do you agree to these protocols?”

Vaquel smiled lazily. She was barely listening. Getting double penetrated and face fucked had that effect on her. “Sure,” she said. “Are you going back to your ship?”

“Negative,” 908wa said. “This drone unit will self-destruct in order to prevent organic contamination.”

Smoke rose from the robot’s joints. Vaquel sobered up from the afterglow and jumped for cover just as the robot exploded and showered the inside of her ship with shrapnel.

Vaquel growled from behind the hygiene panel door. “I am going to tell these assholes every logic paradox I can find.”

Jul 072014

Flash your tits at ten strangers on the beach.

Flash your ass at five strangers on the pier.

Flash your sex at someone in a restaurant.

Give a handjob to someone on the beach.

Take a turn behind the glory hole in changing room #6 at the pier.

Masturbate in the men’s room at the Bikini Bar.

Let someone twice your age grope your tits.

Have the seashell painter to do a portrait of your sex on a seashell.

Pose naked next to one of the dirty sand sculptures and have someone take your picture.

Jul 022014

The wave knocked Tina down from behind. She fell forward into the water and the water carried her off her feet. She reached down and grabbed wet sand. Her knees hit the bottom and planted themselves. Tina rose up and spat out salt water. She was barely in a foot of water but her heart was racing.

“Damn,” Tina said. That wave came out of nowhere. Another wave hit her from behind but this time she stayed stable. She climbed back up to her feet and headed for the shore. She needed a break

She pulled long wet red hair away from her face. It occurred to her that people might have seen her and thought she was in trouble. She glanced around and there was a man and the woman in the water near her but they didn’t seem to notice Tina.

Tina noticed them. They were laughing and splashing in the water like children. The water receded and Tina saw the man’s bare ass from behind. She quickly glanced at the woman and what she first thought was a bikini was just tan lines. The couple was completely nude.

“Shit, you can’t do that on a public beach,” Tina said. Mermaid Island had a reputation for being a party beach but there were limits. She averted her eyes and focused on getting back to shore.

Tina left the water behind and felt the sun’s warmth immediately. Two steps later and she was already missing the water. It was supposed to be warm today but already it felt twice as hot as when she had went into the water. How long had she been out there?

She stopped a few feet away from where she thought she had left her towel and bag. There was nothing there. Her heart pounded as she ran to the spot. It was completely bare. There wasn’t even an imprint from where she had laid out her towel.

“Fuck!” Tina yelled. She had never had anything stolen from the beach before. What should she do?

A blonde woman was on her stomach a few feet away. Tina called out to her. “Hey, did you see a bag here?”

The blonde rose to a sitting position. Tina noticed that the woman wasn’t lying on a towel; she was lying directly in the sand. Even stranger, the tanned blonde was naked like the two had been out in the water. Sand clung to the woman’s curves like a second skin.

“You don’t need a bag here,” the blonde said. “Just enjoy the sun and the sand.”

“I think my stuff had been stolen,” Tina said.

The blonde shook her head. “There are no thieves in Lasyrc. Sit, relax.”

The blonde spread her legs and Tina saw the sand clinging to the woman’s bare sex. The woman reached between her legs and began stroking her sex with a casual slowness. She wasn’t even looking at Tina as she masturbated; she just looked back out to the water.

“Uh, you know there are kids here, right?” Tina said. Was someone having a swinger party at Mermaid Island? Was that legal?

The blonde laughed. “Do you see any kids here?”

Tina was about to say something but she noticed something. There wasn’t the usual sound of kids screaming in the water. She looked down the beach and the only sand castles were being made by adults. There were plenty of adults, and all of them naked, but no kids.

“Okay, I have had enough,” Tina said. Her bag had been stolen, everyone was naked and now this woman was masturbating right in front of Tina. She was going to go to her timeshare and figure out what the fuck was going on.

Tina headed for the dunes. The hot sand was hard to walk on and Tina cursed the people who had stolen her sandals. She cursed the news for not telling her that today was apparently exhibitionist day at the beach. She cursed the beach for not being nearly as relaxing as she needed.

A warm tingling formed between her legs and Tina laughed. “Really?” she said out loud. She was horny. Well, despite what her ex had claimed, Tina wasn’t dead below her waist after all. Even her nipples had joined in and were rock hard under her swimsuit.

Would it be so bad to go sit with the blonde? Tina could sit in the sand and soak in the sun while she rubbed one out. Maybe the blonde would watch. Or maybe the blonde would help?

Tina found herself smiling. Wouldn’t that blow Chad’s mind? She thought about texting him and letting him know what he was missing.

No, fuck Chad. Tina came to Mermaid Island to be with herself, not her grudge with Chad.

As she drudged through the sand, Tina wondered where the beach access was. She didn’t see it anywhere. She decided to climb the dune. It grew steeper the higher she climbed and towards the top, Tina had to drop to all fours to keep climbing.

“I am going to my room, and finishing off all the wine coolers,” Tina promised. She debated maybe grabbing her purse from her room and then hitting the Bkini Bar. She was annoyed and horny. Some halfway cute guy might get lucky.

Tina was smiling at the thought but the smile vanished as she reached the top of the dune. She looked out from the top of the dune in disbelief.

There was no parking lot. There was no road. There were no condos, beach houses or even the Bikini Bar. Even the pier with those awful hot dogs was gone. There was nothing but sand and water.

“Where am I?” Tina said out loud. Could she be at the wrong beach? Did the water carry her out and drop her off on another beach? That didn’t make sense. She had only been under water for a few seconds. No, it might have only been a second. There was no way the water could have taken her to a place like this and for that matter; there wasn’t a place like this anywhere near Mermaid Island.

This was impossible.

A group of people sat on the other side of the dune. They were naked as well. Most of them were kissing but Tina didn’t care. She needed answers.

Tina walked down the side of the down. It wasn’t as steep going down. In a few seconds, Tina was at the bottom and walking towards the group.

“Excuse me,” she called out. None of the group answered her. They kept kissing each other although several of them swapped kissing partners. She had never seen so many people kissing at one time. Despite the questions racing through her head, she felt her sex respond with longing.

“Excuse me, I need some help,” she said again.

The group kept kissing. Many of them changed to kiss other people. Tanned hands groped tanned bodies. The hands didn’t limit themselves to the person they were kissing.

Tina felt the heat surge between her legs. When was the last time that Chad kissed her like that? Did he ever?

“Please, I am really confused right now,” Tina said. “I don’t know where I am.”

“They won’t answer you unless you join them,” a voice said.

Tina looked around. A seagull stood beside her. It looked at her with curiosity.

“Fuck, am I losing my mind?” Tina said.

The seagull flew off.

Tina looked back at the kissers. It was a stupid idea. These people didn’t have the answers; they just wanted to make out. She should be looking for someone who would talk to her and not taking advice from a seagull.

Her tongue ran over her lip. It had been a long time since she had been kissed.

Tina sat down next to a tanned man ho hadn’t shaved for a few days. She tried to think of something to say but there was no need. He smiled and leaned in for a kiss. Tina stopped worrying about words and opened her mouth.

He was a good kisser. He was the best kisser. His tongue moved with hers. His lips nibbled and merged with hers. He was gentle when she wanted him to be and he was rough when she craved it.

It was as if he had spent all of his adult life unlearning all the dumb things men do when they kiss. It was as if he had trained for years and years on how to kiss properly. He was fantastic.

They broke their kiss and Tina sighed happily. She felt the tension within her wash away. She felt relaxed and a little buzzed.

“It doesn’t matter where you are,” a man to her right said. Tina reluctantly turned away from the guy she had been kissing to face this new person. He was blond and rugged like he had lived on the beach for years.

“It matters to me,” Tina said. “I need to get back to my timeshare.”

“Do you?” the man asked and he leaned in for a kiss.

Against her better judgment, Tina moved in for a kiss. He was even better than the other guy. She fell into his lips and lost herself. She felt her body slipping away as nothing existed except for her lips and his lips. For one beautiful moment she was nothing more than a mouth exchanging affection with another mouth.

The kiss ended and Tina felt her body return. It almost felt strange to her. She had forgotten what it was like to feel her arms. She found the experience of sitting on her ass to be strange. Her eyes opened and she saw colors for the first time.

“I don’t understand,” Tina said. What she didn’t understand was too numerous to put into words.

“She doesn’t know the way to Lyrsac,” a woman said behind her.

“She needs answers,” the blond man said.

“Go talk to the Fisher,” the first man she kissed said.

“Yes, talk to Fisher,” another voice said.

“Talk to the Fisher,” all of the kissers said before going back to kissing each other.

Tina stood up. Her lips tingled and felt lonely. She wanted to stay and kiss until the sun fell but instead she stood up. She needed answers.

She didn’t know which way to go so she followed the beach. She passed a couple fucking on the beach, their bodies covered in sand. She walked past a man fucking a seashell, moaning with pleasure from every thrust. She walked past four women performing oral sex on each other in a chain of tanned flesh and wet hair.

As she walked, Tina became more and more aroused. Her fear of being somewhere new was washed away with waves of desire. She wanted to touch herself. She wanted to join the oral chain of women. She thought of returning to the kissers.

A woman sat in the water with her legs spread open. She was naked and her skin was dark brown. Her head was bald and her large breasts glistened with sea water.

A wave came in and the woman spread her legs wider. She cried out with pleasure. Her hands dug into the wet sand as she screamed an orgasm. As the water receded, Tina saw a green fish wiggle out of the woman’s bare sex.

Understanding awakened. “Are you the Fisher?” Tina asked.

“Yes,” the woman said, never looking away from the water. “Some change bodies but they never forget their lust.”

“I was told you could explain things to me,” Tina said. “I don’t know where I am and people are acting weird.”

Another wave came and this time Tina could see dozens of green fish. They fought with each other as they swam towards the Fisher’s open legs. Only one was fast enough to swim into the Fisher’s sex and part her lips.

“Fuck!” the Fisher cried out. She writhed with sexual pleasure.

Tina waited. The water came to her feet and one of the green fish brushed her toes. It was a surprisingly warm touch.

The water pulled back with the current. The fish left and the Fisher stopped moaning.

“You are here,” the Fisher said. “You are one of us.”

“I don’t understand,” Tina said.

“You won’t understand until you shed your clothes,” the Fisher said. “Shed your clothes and find the Tall One. He will tell you the way home.”

The wave came back and this time there were many more fish. The wave foamed as hundreds of fish fought each other for the Fisher’s legs.

Tina walked away from the Fisher. The cries of orgasms were carried on the wind.

Less and less was making sense. Tina felt more and more lost but she wasn’t afraid. If anything, she wanted to see what happened next.

She thought about the Fisher telling her to shed her clothes. It made sense. No one wore clothes here. Women ran by, their breasts bouncing with wild abandon. Men reclined on the beach, their cocks pointing to the ocean.

If anything was unnatural here, it was Tina wearing clothes.

Tina pulled on the strap of her swimsuit. The blue fabric slipped off of pale breasts that never saw the sun. Her nipple tingled as if the sunlight was kissing her. When she pulled down the other strap and revealed both breasts, she felt warmth in her breasts that went all the way down to her sex.

She pulled her swimsuit further down. Her butt was exposed and she felt a heat build in her bottom. As her swimsuit slipped past her sex, a hot flood of sensation radiated from her sex.

Tina stepped out of her swimsuit and stood nude on the beach. The sun’s rays were warm kisses on her naked body. The gentle beach wind was a sweet caress against her needy flesh. A wave reached across the sand and fondled her toes.

Tina moaned as the beach seduced her body.

The sand shifted in front of her. It formed the sculpture of a figure that refined itself into a muscular man that further grew into a muscular man with a large cock. The sand moved and flowed until the sculpture was ten feet long in the sand.

The sand sculpture stood up. The sand shifted and flowed as he towered above her. His limp cock swung between his legs and was as long as her arm.

“You need want to know the way home,” the Tall Man said.

“Yes,” Tina said.

“Touch yourself and I will point the way,” the Tall Man said.

Tina was too aroused to have shame. She grabbed a sensitive breast and squeezed. Her other hand went between her legs and touched her hungry sex. One stroke and then another before plunging between her lips as eager as any of the green fish.

She stood before the Tall Man and masturbated. The sun watched as she pulled on her nipple. The waves rose and fell in time with her stroking fingers. The wind blew her red hair as she shook with pleasure.

The Tall Man’s cock grew. Sand migrated from the beach and travelled up the Tall Man’s legs and added to the girth of his cock. It lengthened and swelled as Tina touched herself.

Tina stroked faster. She pictured that monstrous cock entering her. She imagined the sand filling her sex and expanding. She wondered if the sand would be wet and smooth or dry and biting.

She moaned. Her hips swayed and fucked the air. Her fingers sunk into her pale breast. Her sex clenched tightly.

The Tall Man’s cock became fully erect. It pointed to the ocean and Tina knew it was pointing home.

Tina’s fingers went deeper inside her sex. She looked out to the ocean. She saw the shimmering lights of a sunken city. She saw underwater gardens where people fucked and swam and fucked some more. She saw a great temple where strange rituals called forth the waves. She saw so many people fucking in beneath the ocean.

Tina came. Pleasure crashed through her body like a thunderous wave. She cried out and her cry seemed to shake the ocean itself.

“Go home,” the Tall Man said.

Tina nodded and walked to the water. The waves came and welcomed her body. She kept walking as the warm water came to her waist. Green fish kissed her sex as she walked. The warm water rose above her breasts, past her hard nipples and up her sensitive throat, past her open lips and over her head. The sand beneath her dropped away and she began to swim.

She headed home to the sunken city of endless pleasure.

Jun 272014

A funny thing happened to my wife the day she returned to work. She got laid off. It is funny because she is standing there with one crutch and the managers acted very embarrassed like maybe they didn’t think this laying off a person who broke a leg thing through. My wife was very gracious.

A few days later, they tried to get a hold of her because they realized she knows what the fuck was going on in her project but she declined to answer their calls because, fuck you.

We are currently without an income but things are bright. My wife’s severance package includes free access to a job counseling/placement service and they have a history of success.

Needless to say this will have an impact on my writing. What that impact will be is up in the air. If I need to take one a job, I don’t see how I can produce at the same level.

Oh well. In the meantime, we’re going to a much deserved vacation in Florida next week.

Jun 252014

“Courtney? Are you coming or are you going to sleep in all day?”

Courtney raised her head from her pillow. Amber and Danielle stood by her bed. They were already in their bikinis and if Courtney was as thin as them, she might have been wearing a bikini too.

“Nah, I’m sleeping in,” she told her friends. “I’ll catch up with you on the beach later.”

Danielle shrugged and headed out of the bedroom and into the condo. Amber looked at her with a touch of concern on her face.

“You have been sleeping in every day this week,” Amber said. “Are you sick?”

Courtney shook her head. “I am just enjoying sleeping in during my summer break,” she lied.

“Alright,” Amber said. Her duty as a friend had been fulfilled. “We’ll be at the beach and then at the Fish Shack at noon for lunch.”

“Cool,” Courtney said and she put her head back down on the pillow. She closed her eyes and listened.

Amber and Danielle talked, their words unclear.

Ice was dumped into a cooler.

Danielle asked where her sunglasses were.

Condo door opened.

Condo door slammed.

Courtney counted to ten. Sometimes Amber forgot something but she usually remembered as soon as she closed the door.

No one came back.

Courtney sprang out of bed. She was wearing a sports bra although she wasn’t one for sports. With tits as big as her’s, it was best to sleep with some support or else she would roll onto her tits in the middle of the night. She whipped it off and tossed it aside. She put on a loose shirt and grabbed her favorite dildo, Big Red.

The blinds were open and the sunlight came through the glass doors from the patio landing. Courtney slid the bolt on the condo door so if her friends came back, they would have to wait for Courtney to let them in. She then walked to the side of the patio doors and peeked out. What she saw made her smile.

Courtney closed the blinds and the living room darkened. She pushed a chair up to the patio doors and got her binoculars from the coffee table. She laid out a towel onto the seat of the chair. Courtney sat down but then stood back up to pull down her panties. Now she was ready.

She stretched out her toe and pushed a blind aside. Across from her was another condo building. She put the binoculars to her eyes and scanned upwards. Practice helped her find the spot instantly.

On the fifth floor, one floor below Courtney’s patio, two women were on their own patio. The blonde with the long hair was bent over the railing. Her small tits were inside a cute pink bikini top. Behind her was the girl with the short black hair, and her hand was somewhere between the blonde’s thighs.

Courtney groaned. She put Big Red against the lips of her sex. She was damp and had been since she woke up half an hour ago. Waiting for Amber and Danielle to leave had been so hard. Courtney had to wait and pray that her friends leave so that she could watch the lesbians again.

The brunette grabbed the blonde by the hair. She yanked her head back and Courtney sighed. They were so rough with each other. It made Courtney’s heart race.

The brunette pulled the blonde’s head way back. The blonde bent backwards but she kept her hands on the rail. Courtney zoomed in and saw the zip ties that kept the blonde’s wrists bound to her position.

Courtney wondered if the zip ties hurt. She imagined them biting into the girl’s wrists. She imagined the rough sea water irritating the burn marks later. Courtney imagined those cruel plastic bands cinching into her own wrists.

She pushed Big Red into her sex. A moan escaped her lips and Courtney was glad to be alone. She moaned again, much louder because she could.

The brunette let go of the blonde’s head. She reached around and tore the bikini from the blonde’s tits. Her small little tits popped out and Courtney bit her lip. The blonde’s tits were out in the open where anyone could see them.

Courtney fucked herself slowly with Big Red. In and out, in and out, in and out. She looked at the blonde’s tiny pink nipples and wondered what it would be like to bite them.

The brunette wasn’t done with the blonde’s tits. She pinched those tiny pink nipples and pulled on them. The blonde’s face contorted with pain.

Courtney’s face contorted with pleasure. How would that feel? Courtney’s tits were so much bigger, would that make it hurt more?

The brunette released the blonde’s tits. The blonde’s face sighed with relief. Courtney’s face sighed with disappointment.

Courtney fucked herself with Big Red. She was making a wet spot on the chair but that was what the towel was for. She would clean it up like she had all week. Amber and Danielle hadn’t noticed yet.

Courtney smiled at the thought of her friends. She pictured them on the beach, flirting and showing off their bodies in the hot sun. They had no idea that this was where the real action was, inside an air conditioned condo while two kinky lesbians went at it across the way.

The brunette reached down somewhere that Courtney couldn’t see. She stood back up with a black paddle. Courtney moaned. The paddle was black with silver studs that sparkled in the morning sun.

The blonde begged. Courtney wished she could hear what she was saying. She wished that she could hear the blonde’s begging and pass judgment on whether she would be spanked or not.

Courtney also wished that she was the one begging.

The brunette wasn’t impressed. She grabbed the blonde by the hair and brought the paddle down on the blonde’s ass.

Courtney gasped. She clenched down hard on Big Red.

The brunette brought the paddle down again. The blonde’s little tits bounced from the force of the spank.

Courtney moaned and fucked herself faster with Big Red.

The brunette went to work on the blonde’s ass. Courtney whimpered at the sight of the vicious assault. The paddle swung through the air over and over again. The blonde bounced and struggled, her tits bouncing with her, but the zip ties kept her to the railing.

Courtney moaned. This was so hot. Even hotter than the time the brunette fucked the blonde with a strap-on. It was even hotter than the time the brunette made the blonde eat her out right there on the patio. Fuck, this might even be hotter than that time the blonde wore those nipple clamps while the brunette fingered her.

The brunette paused in her spanking. She lifted the paddle and held it in the air. Her fingers flipped the paddle around so that she held it on the flat end. The handle pointing down, the brunette brought it down slowly behind the blonde.

Courtney gasped. The blonde said something in protest as the paddle disappeared behind her. The blonde gasped and her whole body shook. Courtney had no doubt; the paddle handle was now inside the blonde’s sex.

She turned Big Red on. The vibrations rippled through her sensitive sex. Courtney cried out as her first orgasm slammed into her.

Her legs kicked out. The blinds closed. Courtney fought through the climax and pushed the blinds open again with her toe. She scanned with her binoculars and found the lesbians again.

The blonde was coming. Courtney had seen her come enough times to recognize the look.

The brunette leaned down close to the blonde. She let go of the blonde’s hair and grabbed her by the throat. Courtney moaned as the brunette’s fingers tightened around the blonde’s throat. The brunette was saying something and whatever she was saying made the blonde’s eyes widen in shock.

The blonde and the brunette both looked up at Courtney.

Courtney froze. She moved her foot away from the blind and it closed. Big Red pulsed inside her and she felt another orgasm building despite her mounting terror.

They couldn’t have been looking at her, could they? Courtney was so careful with the blinds and the binoculars. They couldn’t see what she was doing, could they?

For one brief delicious moment, Courtney imagined that they could as she grabbed Big Red with both hands. She slammed it into her, picturing the blonde and the brunette watching her.

Courtney climaxed. Her toes curled. She bit her lip. Her thighs closed together as she turned off the vibrator.

She sat there. The afterglow swept over her as well as sensible reason. No, it wasn’t possible that they could see her. She was just imagining it.

Courtney reached out with her foot and pushed the blinds aside. She raised her binoculars and took a peek.

The blonde and the brunette were gone. A white piece of cardboard was taped to the railing. Someone had used red lipstick to write a phone number.

Courtney’s heart pounded. Oh shit, they did see her. They wanted to talk.

She pulled Big Red out of her. Heart pounding, she stood up and looked for her phone. She didn’t let herself think of all the reasons not to call, she just dialed.

“Hello,” a voice said. Was it the blonde or the brunette?

“I saw your sign,” Courtney said.

“You did,” the voice said. “And you saw other things, didn’t you?” Someone giggled in the background.

“Yes,” Courtney admitted.

“Come over,” the voice said. “We’re going to play some more in the bedroom.”

Doubt washed over Courtney like a cold shower. “I don’t have the same body as you two.”

“Come over,” the voice said. “Room number 522. We’ll buzz you in.”

“I’m fat,” Courtney said.

“Come over,” the voice repeated.

“I, uh, I have never done anything like this,” Courtney said.

“Come over,” the voice said and then they hung up.

Courtney bit her lip again. Amber and Danielle wouldn’t expect to see her until lunch. She was just going over, if she didn’t feel right about it, she didn’t have to do anything.

The worse that could happen is that they would let her watch.

Jun 232014

Do you belong in a better world?

Are you choking on the air of superficial concerns?

Do you long for a part that hasn’t been written for you?

Do you ache to swim in the waters of glory?

Does the demand of cash and property exhaust you?

Are you a mermaid in a land of walkers?

Do you know the way to sunken Lyrsac?

The Church of the Drowning Wave was formed to help people like you. Come to our weekly meetings every Friday at 6pm. We are at the green house at the end of Dive Road. Newcomers are always welcome.

We don’t want your money. We don’t want your worship.

We only want to help you find the Drowning Wave.

Note: Not a suicide cult.

Jun 212014

My wife returns to work on Monday. She has been busting her butt on physical therapy and can now walk by herself with the help of a crutch. Earlier today she was using a cane to walk so maybe by Monday she will be returning to work like a sophisticated super-villain with a limp.

These past three months have been a learning experience. Tending to someone 24/7 has been mentally exhausting. When I was a teenager, my grandfather developed a muscular degenerative muscle disease and my family took care of him for the last year of his life. I say my family but it was mostly me at the age of 15 and that was rough. It was hard to take care of someone so furious at his condition and it was hard to take care of a loved one who could only get worse, not better.

It was different this time with my wife but I had a lot of mental baggage to sort through. I knew logically she would get better but emotionally I often wondered. She shares my grandfather’s temper and her perfectly normal anger was a challenge. Still, I got through it and I am relieved that the worse appears to be over.

I am looking forward to getting back into a regular writing schedule. I am really looking forward to working on some book projects I have in mind. Most of all, I am looking forward to having my writing time back to come up with new stories about fantastic sex.