Sep 242021
 
That accent card has ruined so many good players.

Someone has died. It is very sad. The players have gathered together to argue who should receive the estate of the deceased. Everyone draws cards that define their characters. One player will be the estate lawyer who will ask questions and make the final judgement. During play, Objection cards will be rewarded to players that can be used on others. Objection cards become facts that players must now incorporate into their characters and defend.

That’s it. That is the whole game. It is that easy.

Except it is not easy at all because the cards are BONKERS. Draw your first batch and you are playing a Whimsical Nanny Psychologist who loves arm-wrestling and knew the deceased from being in the same role-playing game group. Your fellow players are playing unfrozen cavemen who write children’s books and talking dog that dreams of being an actor. The caveman’s relationship is he once owned a bar with the deceased while the talking dog was his AA sponsor.

As you can imagine, this is primarily a game of improv. The lawyer player makes up questions and the players make up anwsers that correspond to the cards they possess. Objection cards inflict a negative thing the player has to improv like secretly poisoning the well at the children’s park. That gets a bit harder to argue you deserve a big fat inheritance.

What genuinely surprises me about this game is how much people love it. I have played this game with families and half-drunk smart-asses and everyone loves it. This is the game other people request that I bring. This is the game everyone talks about for weeks after. Out of all my games, this is the one people tend to buy the night of playing it for the first time.

You might as well it too.

Sep 222021
 

Fucktoy sat in the corner. She was naked except for the hood around her face and the red ball gag in her mouth. Drool dripped onto her naked breasts. She sat with her back to the corner and her hands on her knees. Both legs were open wide to expose her hairy bush.

Master was having a party. Fucktoy wasn’t sure what kind of a party because of the earplugs she wore under the hood. Muffled and blinded, she only had her sensitive body to tell her what was going on. She knew that it was a large party because there always seem to be a hand on her naked body at all times.

The hands wore gloves, pulled from some box that Master had set somewhere nearby. Latex fingers pinched Fucktoy’s nipples. Gloved hands ran down her smooth legs. Hands of all sizes, male and female, groped her breasts. Brave fingers pushed through the bush of her hair to stroke sensitive pussy lips.

Fucktoy took it all. She offered no resistance. In fact, she often clasped her hands around her head to allow someone better access. If someone hurt her, she just bit down harder on her gag.

She wondered who the people were. Master had so many friends. Fucktoy has fucked quite a few of them for her Master’s pleasure. She wondered if some of the ones she had fucked were here now, touching her body as they reminisced.

The floor became wet under Fucktoy. Most of it was from her juices. A little came from the drool escaping her lips. One tiny drop came from someone who spat on her bush.

Time passed. Something hard and thick was placed against her right hand. Fucktoy closed her fingers and recognized the object. It was her favorite dildo.

Fucktoy moaned, her first real sound of the night. The dildo only had one purpose. She slid down the corner until her back was on the floor. The damp spot soaked her spine. She brought her knees up and spread her legs. Without a moment’s hesitation, she slid her dildo into herself.

It was a perfect fit. Fucktoy almost came. She plunged the dildo in and out of her cunt, not caring who saw. That isif anyone was even here anymore. For all she knew, the party was over and Master had given her the toy as a reward for being a good conversation piece.

Fucktoy preferred a different scenario. In her mind, the party was still going and everyone had gathered to watch the slut fuck herself. People snickered and laughed as she slammed the thick dildo in and out of her slick cunt. Some became aroused and asked her Master if they could use her. Perhaps her Master was getting his cock sucked by some wannabe toy right this very moment and he was watching Fucktoy’s performance.

She climaxed hard and bit down on her gag. Tremors ran through her body. Knees threatened to close but she kept them open for an audience that may or may not be there.

Sep 202021
 
There is magic in those lips

The original series, Cult of the Carnal Ascension continues with a new installment, Empowered by Bliss. It is available for purchase at Amazon now!

Tasked by Six mysterious Gods, Ethan Hollaway is building a religion of lust. He only has the one follower for the moment but an attractive older couple witnessed some of his miracles and they have questions. Ethan is more than willing to reveal to them the sexual tenets of his Gods, but first, they need to grab some pizza. Even cult leaders get hungry.

Will Ethan add this sexy couple to his cult or will they run away from a man claiming to have six gods whispering in his head? Will the flirty waitress join in? Will the couple decline the offer to join the cult and just join in a foursome? How long will it take the top-heavy Stephanie to bare her breasts at complete strangers? And what terrible Demon of Avarice and Grief is stalking Ethan at this very moment?

Find out in my new book, Empowered By Bliss!

Sep 172021
 

Sexualizer is a synth and vocal album by James “Perturbator” Kent. The music is a weird crossroad of haunting, sexy and head-bopping. It is the kind of music that permeates into your background and makes anything you are doing feel so much cooler.

Now I have to be honest about something. There is a description on the bandcamp page for this album that explains the story of a porn actor getting hooked on drugs, murdering people and going to jail. I don’t know if I have every noticed any of that while listening to the music. That’s on me, but maybe you will. Either way, this is a lovely short album.

Sep 152021
 

“Settle a bet for us,” Miranda said. There was something in her tone that put me on edge. Or maybe it was the peeks I had into her white blouse that made me nervous. Freckled breasts with no bra had been teasing me all evening.

“What kind of a bet?” I asked.

“One where you can’t lose,” Laura said. Brown curls covered one half of her face. She was wearing dark lipstick that made her a little sinister looking. Pale cheeks were a little pink from the alcohol.

“Well, except for the pussy you will never get to have,” Kiera said. A bright pink tongue licked dark brown lips.

The ladies laughed, a bit too loudly. I think they were all drunk. Laura had said they had been drinking since lunch. I was only a recent addition to their little party.

“I don’t get it,” I said.

“That’s because you have to pick,” Miranda said. “Which one of us do you want to fuck? Tell us and you can have her, right here while the others watch.”

I snorted. “Yeah, right. You ladies are putting me on.”

“Nah, you have to put it on yourself,” Kiera said. She tossed me something. Her aim was shit but I caught the shiny little square. It was a condom.

“You’re serious,” I said, not quite believing it.

“Let’s show him how serious we are,” Laura said. She stood up from the couch and unzipped her shorts. The sound of her zipper sent a jolt down my spine.

The other ladies stood up as well. Kiera popped the buttons on her jeans and started to shimmy out of them to reveal dark smooth legs. Miranda slipped her fingers into the waistband of her skirt and pulled it down.

None of them were wearing underwear. Laura’s sex lips were smooth but crowned with a tuff of brown hair. Miranda had a full bush of reddish wiry hair while Kiera’s sex was as smooth as her legs.

The three ladies turned around and climbed onto the couch on their knees. Three beautiful asses faced me from across the living room. They bent over at the waist and rested their arms on the back of the couch.

“Believe us now?” Laura said.

I stood up and unzipped my shorts. The ladies giggled but didn’t look back. I pulled down my boxers and tore at the condom.

“Remember, you only get one of us,” Miranda said.

“And you will never, ever, ever get the others,” Kiera said.

“Not in a hundred years,” Laura said.

This was unreal but the hardness of my cock was very real indeed. They had a confidence that couldn’t have been from alcohol alone. Had they done this before? I bet they had.

I rolled the condom onto my cock. Three asses moved and waited for me.

Kiera was on the left. A round brown bottom clenched and flexed. I saw her jogging almost every day and it had more than paid off. Firm thighs parted to reveal smooth dark nether lips.

In the middle was Miranda. Freckles and birthmarks decorated her wide ass like constellations. There was a softness to her ass that would be wonderful to sink into. Juices glistened on her upside-down bush like jewels.

Laura was on the right and her ass was pale like the moon. Twin tattoos of roses decorated the tops of her thighs, stopping just short of her round buttocks. I had no idea she had ink on her body. The unexpected sight made me wonder what other surprises her body held.

It was a tough choice. Paris had it easier. Three bottoms swayed, flexed and clenched in front of me.

My cock throbbed. It was my divining rod. I walked over to the couch and one ass called out to my cock like a siren.

I put my hands on her hips and let them know my choice by sliding my cock into her waiting pussy.

Sep 132021
 
Please don’t stain the couch.

Back in the late 70’s, Playboy Press published a series of books about the fictional Christina Van Bell. A group of writers took turns using the pseudonym of Blakely St. James. The covers depicted the same model, Jill De Vries, which went a long way to making the books stand out and have a unified theme. There is over 50(!) books in this series, which is really unheard of for porn. I keep seeing them for sale at high prices on Ebay and I always wondered if they were any good.

Lucky for me, I picked up a copy of Christina’s Delight at a cheap price and was able to indulge my curiosity. in the story, Christina is a millionaire magazine owner and editor in the 80’s when being a millionaire was considered filthy rich. while attending a party in New York, Christina meets and is seduced by a Portuguese Circus owner. She falls madly in lust with his giant cock and decides to go visit him at his circus in Europe. He isn’t there, so Christina decides to stay and work at the circus until the owner shows up. While killing time, she fucks a lot of circus folk.

This book had a few surprises. Instead of being an endless chain of sex scenes, there are unexpected adventures like some Russian circus folk being kidnapped and the circus has to rescue them. There are a few bondage/interrogation scenes. Unfortunately there is an attempted date drug rape but Christina avoids the ordeal. All in all, a lot more plot and excitement than I was expecting.

On the downside, the author seems to think that women’s breasts get larger when aroused. I thought I had misunderstood a metaphor but no, Christina’s breasts get too large for her clothes when she is turned on. It makes me wonder what the fuck was going on with the author’s sex life.

One thing I want to point out is none of these books have a number. I have no idea if this is book 20, 30 or 48 in the series. The good thing is that the book was self-contained and I never felt like I was reading something out of order. These books are clearly meant to be enjoyed on their own.

All in all, it was a fun book to read. There is a lot of sex, both M/F and F/F but also quite a bit of story. If you get a chance to buy one at a reasonable price, you should give them a try.

Sep 102021
 
Every dungeon adventurer’s danger sense is screaming right now.

Dave’s girlfriend went on a trip so Dave decided to do an art project. He made a maze (actually a labyrinth) out of cardboard in the living room. Because he started by building it around himself, he got lost and is no longer able to find his way out. You see, an important detail to know is that the maze is bigger on the inside.

The girlfriend comes home. she is not amused that Dave is stuck inside this ugly cardboard mess in the living room. Dave won’t let her break the maze down because he is attached to it. A bit despondent, she calls Dave’s friend Gordon to help get him out. Gordon brings Leonard, who brings Harry, who brings his documentary film crew and three other friends as well as two random Finnish tourists and a homeless person who claims to know a lot about cardboard.

Despite Dave’s warnings, everyone goes into the maze. Sure enough, it is bigger on the inside. Did I mention there were traps? Because there are traps and when they kill someone, their body spurts red ribbons everywhere instead of blood. There is also a Minotaur. You do not want to get caught by the Minotaur.

There are two kinds of people reading this blog post right now. There are those who think the whole idea is stupid and it hurts their head to think about. Those people should avoid this movie. The other group of people want to go poking around in the cardboard maze and those people should definitely go watch this movie.

Dave Made a Maze is listed as a Comedy/Horror but I find that description kind of simple. People die but there is such a surreal feeling to this movie and the deaths are so ridiculous that I couldn’t take any of it serious enough to consider it horror. I would call it a Cosmic Comedy as once again, almost everything doesn’t make sense.

The characters are weirder than the maze. Harry is trying to film a documentary throughout the entire ordeal. Gordon is weirdly an expert for no discernible reason. The girlfriend is at first annoyed with this whole thing but she becomes enchanted that her boyfriend actually made something. Dave himself is a delusional creative that is so darn earnest in his wish to make something that I feel for the guy despite it all. The strangeness of the characters sell this movie as maybe the real maze is the people we know.

Nah, the real maze is the cardboard walls loaded with traps.

This movie came out in 2017 and I have no idea how such a weird creative quirky of a movie got past me for this long. Make sure it doesn’t pass you by either.

Sep 082021
 

The alarm cut through my dreams like a buzzsaw. I pushed my eyes open through sheer willpower. It was still dark outside. The rest of the world was still asleep. I should be too.

But no, I had made promises last night. A friend needed a creek wight removed from his garage and I said I would help. He was a good friend and dropped off naked photos of his wife when she got into one of her exhibitionist moods. It was an easy promise to make.

What I didn’t know was that after I made that promise, a big box of occult porn would come in the mail from Nashville. It was a diverse hodgepodge of magical smut and I spent the better part of the night skimming and sorting the books for future research. By the time my curiosity was sated, it was well past a decent time for sleeping.

I turned off the alarm and pulled my arm back under the covers. For a brief moment, I considered calling my friend and making my apologies but no, that will not do. Creek wights were not something you should ever face alone and I would feel guilty the next time I looked at his wife’s bush.

The decision made, all I had to do was get up. My body refused to cooperate. The bed was very soft today. The snugness of the blanket reminded me that my bedroom was always chilly first thing in the morning. Half-remembered filthy dreams whispered for me to return to slumber.

Yeah, I was going to need some help this morning. Under the warm blanket, I made a certain symbol with my hand, (fingers clenched into a fist with the pinky extended) and took a deep breath. I let out my breath and spoke the name, Kof-Ea.

A soft whisper tickled my ears. Something under the blankets tugged at my boxers. Invisible breasts pressed against my face. The smell of spring showers filled my nose.

I kept my hand clenched. Fingers wrapped around my cock. The unseen mounds on my face moved away and a firm buttock took its place. I bit down on a hard ass and heard a faint whimper.

A mouth took my cock, swallowing it down completely. A tongue snaked through the lips and licked my balls. Choking sounds came from under the blanket.

I groaned and the ass slipped away from my teeth. Something wet and hairy smeared across my lips. My mouth opened and my tongue licked sweet juices from somewhere warm and tight.

Another mouth sucked my big toe. Gentle fingers played with my hair. A breast pressed into my free hand and I squeezed.

A growl rose from my throat. My hips rose to thrust into a choking mouth. I used both hands to grab thighs that weren’t there.

The sensations stopped. My cock pulsed unattended beneath the sheets. The spirit pussy left my mouth but the sweet juices lingered on my tongue.

Kof-Ea was gone but that was alright. I was awake now.

Sep 062021
 
Ghouls, Gals and Ghosts, oh my!

Richard Sala passed away last year but sadly I did not find out about it until two month ago when I purchased Poison flowers and Pandemonium. Sala was an incredible artist and a wonderful storyteller. It is fitting that his last finished book is a showcase of his different styles and approaches.

The first story is “House of the Blue Dwarf” and is a sequel to the Bloody Cardinal. It tells the story of a telekinetic teenager who gets hired to help a group of very vile masterminds figure out which one is the traitor. Things go sideways in a hurry with escalating weirdness. The story is self-contained and doesn’t need previous reading of the Bloody Cardinal.

This kind of story is something Sala excels at. He introduces characters with little more than a sinister name and a creepy look but somehow it works. Every character, no matter how brief they exist before being killed, feels like they came from some lost pulp series. There is a complicated plot involving magic, psychics and other worlds, but really it is just a cavalcade of murders with a cute woman as the protagonist.

The next story is Monsters Illustrated. A cute lady discovers an unusual bookshop with a creepy store owner. The owner recommends a book of watercolors that depicts horrible monsters. Each page is a single panel of a new monster and the attractive women they menace.

This kind of art is another thing Sala was great at. Each page could double as a movie poster or art print. His ability to tell almost an entire story in a single panel was incredible.

The third story, Cave Girls of the Lost World, has a similar format. A young boy finds a message in a bottle detailing the adventures of a bunch of young ladies trapped on a mysterious plateau. Each page depicts a different scene featuring half-naked women battling monsters and dinosaurs. Like the previous story, it turns into a showcase for Sala’s amazing watercolors.

Finally we have Fanomella, a story about a masked woman murdering her way through a bunch of flunkies in a tower in order to kill a big bad. The simplistic story is a procession of weirdo jerks who are put down in creative ways but you know what? It works. Sometimes you just want pages of a woman kicking ass.

I highly recommend this book and it works great as in introduction to Sala’s work.

Sep 032021
 
Surf that golden track, baby.

Audiosurf was a computer game released back in 2013. It created race tracks from songs in your hard drive and populated them with scoring blocks and obstacles. The difficulty and speed of the tracks was directly related to the beats of the music. The neat part was that if you played “Jolene” from Dolly Parton’s greatest hits album, and your friend played the same song, then it was the exact same track. This lets people play somewhat competitively against each other.

It was a very addictive game for me. There is something about riding along a track that is in sync with music that really immerses you into the music. I would often pick a favorite album and just lose myself for an hour. It was a meditative experience for me.

2013 introduced the sequel, Audiosurf 2. I was resistant to trying it because I adored the first one so much. 8 years later, curiosity won over nostalgia and I gave it a try. I am glad I did. The graphics are much improved and the pace has been greatly enhanced. There is more customization which helps tailors the experience you prefer.

But deep down, it is still a game about getting up and close with music. Whether it is a fast song with sharp turns and too many damn obstacles, or a slow thoughtful song that runs along a course that resembles a late nigh drive. AudioSurf 2 engages you with the music directly in ways that always feel intimate.