Nov 132017
 

American Horror Story is an idea that I like a lot. Every season is a brand new story and new characters. The story wraps up within the season giving you a beginning and end. They recycle a lot of their actors, giving the series the feel of a playhouse putting on new stories.

The execution of these stories can leave a lot to be desired. Even with just one season, the stories can go on too long. There is an obsession with torture and despair that drags the show out of entertainment and into just hard to watch. Some of the actors play the same damn type of character over and over again which ruins the potential freshness of a new story. Worse of all, many interesting ideas will be tossed out but never really followed up on and some arcs end too abruptly to be satisfying.  For these reasons, even though I sometimes still enjoy a season of AHS, I have never had a season that I could recommend.

That has changed with the sixth season, not available on Netflix. The season is called Roanoke and has a quite a few new gimmicks. One, the show is presented as something that is being aired on television. It is a reenactment show about two poor bastards who bought the wrong house in the North Carolina woods. We have two sets of actors for all of the characters. There are the “real” people discussing their experiences in a studio and then there is the actors playing them in the reenactment. The story unfolds and weird shit happens. There is a shit ton of ghosts, evil hillbillies and strange sightings.  In the fifth episode, the reenactment series wraps up. It is pretty much a self-contained story.

In the sixth episode, we begin a new season of the fake show. The first season was such a hit that the producers are bringing back the “real” people and their acting counterparts to spend a few days in the house as a reunion reality show with cameras. As you can imagine, terrible shit happens. The “show” is built from the footage recovered by the authorities.

This is a really neat development. None of the actors think this shit is real. The real people know it is real but they have their own reasons for coming back. When the monsters show up, they are far worse and scarier than what we have seen before because as the audience, we have only seen what has been reenacted.

The final episode of the season is made up of footage from three different shows, including a True Crime show, a live interview show and a Ghost Hunters-style show before spending the final act completely divorced from found footage and more like a normal show. If you love found footage stories like I do, this season of AHS is a true gift.

I’ve talked a lot about how the show is structured but that isn’t my favorite part. The best part about this show, without going into spoilers, is that the most important character is a black woman. The “show” vilifies her so they can have a villain and you the audience is left guessing whether she is as bad as she has been portrayed. It is a season long discussion about racism in ways I would never expect from AHS. It is also a discussion about how media creates villains out of people and who do they pick? The really dark black woman who is no angel. The last five episodes of Roanoke tackles these issues in interesting ways and I would rank this season almost as racially significant as the movie, Get Out.

The season isn’t perfect. There is still quite a bit of torture. You know if it graphic when they announce a discretion warning AFTER the scene where someone has his intestines pulled out. I feel the first five episodes could have been a bit more creative with their gimmick, but I accept it because the first five episodes are setting the table for the really excellent last five episodes.

So yeah, if you like horror and you like interesting black characters, you should really watch season six of American Horror Story: Roanoke.

Nov 082017
 

I have been thinking about the structure of erotic novels. Specifically, I have been thinking about the structure of an erotic novel I am in the middle of writing and how I wish I had more a blueprint for what I wanted to do with it.

There are a few models for regular novels that work well in porn. There is the three-act structure which I think works really well for romantic erotica. The first act is two potential lovers meeting, or maybe even fucking. The second act is all the reasons they can’t be together all the time, or maybe it is all the hot sex they have that must keep strictly sexual despite both wanting to take the next level. This ends with a breakup or separation and then the third act is how they get back together to fuck some more.

The other famous structure is the Hero’s Journey. Some young person gets recruited to do something. They resist, then they train, then they might resist some more, then they do a bunch of stuff and finally become a mature hero who takes care of the problem. It is such an iconic story that porn often imitates it without even consciously being aware of it because becoming hero is awfully similar to a sexual awakening. Character gets invited for hot sex, they have their doubts and are reluctant but through the teaching of their mentor, they get better and better until they achieve some loft sexual goal like being hot enough to attract the second hottest character in the book.

There is a third structure in porn novels that used to be more common but not as much in world today. It is the Picaresque model where some low class person has a series of loosely connected adventures that are designed to show how clever this low class person is. Any single encounter could almost exist on its own as a short story.

The erotic equivalent is a novel where the character doesn’t really grow into a super-sex person or finally fuck someone important. They also don’t really have a lofty goal in the distance that they must struggle against like in a three act structure. They simply are and the what they are is someone who fucks in a series of encounters meant to arouse.

I feel like there has to be other structures that I am not aware. To be honest, I never studied structure much and to my knowledge, have never seen anyone try to break it down for porn novels. I am curious if anyone is aware of other novel structures in porn.

 

Nov 062017
 

Hot Cop has gone full evil and is now the Primo. He has chicks, a great leather jacket and the approval of the crowd. He is relishing being the Primo and has completely sold out. Grace and Tortured Cop try to talk sense into him but Hot Cop is a lost cause, maybe.

There was a moment where Tortured Cop shows up and I wondered if I missed an episode. I had no idea how he got there and it turns out, he wasn’t Tortured Cop at all. He’s Faux Tortured Cop but he is super-believable, especially when it comes to him wondered what Hot Cop ever saw in Grace to trust her.

Sadly for Hot Cop, the Primo is less of a King and more like a Spring King to be slaughtered in time for the harvest. He is the Primo Sacrifice and we get a great clip of how other Primos were executed. It is highly reminiscent of what happened to the winners of the movie, Running Man.

Once Hot Cop gets clued in, he makes a play to kill the real hero of the series, Slink. To my surprise, he beheads Slink. To my non-surprise, a clone of Slink activates and asks Hot Cop if he really thought that he was the first Primo to try to escape his fate through Slink’s entrails.

Which answers the question about what Slink is. He isn’t a demon or soul with a contract, he is a near-never ending supply of cloned Masters of Ceremonies. I’ll take it.

Incidentally, the execution method for Hot Cop is to be fed to a blood engine. Slink assures him that if he has no trace of goodness left in him, Hot Cop will pass through unharmed. Which explains how Karma survived getting blood engined last episode.

Speaking of Karma, she gets the subplot of the episode as we see her get recruited by Heart and her rise to power. She had a murderous streak from the beginning but even a damned place like Heart has a glass ceiling so she wasn’t really able to take power until she impersonated a man. Blood Drive: the b-movie series with a million deaths and a ton of social commentary.

Back to the main plot, Faux Tortured Cop tries to split up Hot Cop and Grace but he fails because come on, Grace and Hot Cop are meant to be. Hot Cop kills Faux Tortured Cop and regains a bit of his humanity.

Once Grace fails to die, Karma calls Slink and cancels the show. Oh, the ultimate horror!

His show now cancelled, Slink makes one last offer to Hot Cop and Grace. Let’s team up one last time and kill Heart Enterprises! Onto the finale!

Stray thoughts,

The first Primo appears to be a punk woman, Meryl Smith. Blood Drive might be sleaze but it is more gender equality conscious than most mainstream shows.

Karma mentions she ditched her fellow inmates when they broke out of prison because they were too clingy and I totally get that.

Anytime someone invites you to a tribute ceremony, get it in writing that YOU are not the tribute they are offering.

As always, my favorite bits are Slink dealing with other executives. When someone tells Slink that they need to take over and really make Blood Drive great, they ask, “How can you say no to that?” Cut to Slink putting the executive’s head on a spike.

“Thank you for mansplaining that to me.” Grace is one of the best women characters of 2017.

 

 

Nov 032017
 

Gambling is one of those things I love to study but never participate in. I have compulsive tendencies and I understand fully how screwed I would be if I ever gambled. I admire gambling from afar and my two biggest unrequited crushes are Poker and Las Vegas. Tim Power’s 1996 epic, Last Call, deals with both subjects, throws in the Tarot, and then adds a cast of insane characters who are actually quite normal by Las Vegas standards.

The main character, Scott, has a really bad father who has assumed the role of the Fisher King of Las Vegas by killing the former magical Fisher King, Bugsy Siegel. Scott escapes his father at a young age, gets raised by a wonderful superstitious gambler, and then fucks up his life to the point that the only thing that can save him is confronting his father who is going to forcefully possess Scott’s body next Easter anyway if Scott does nothing. Along the way, Scott finds out that the Tarot is alive in every deck of cards, that multiple people want to be the Fisher King and Scott could be of use to them, and that his long lost foster sister might be the living incarnation of the Moon card.

This is a book where every other character knows just enough magic to get in trouble. This is a book where the cards of an ordinary playing deck can be terrifying. This is a book where Vegas is both a magical wonderland and a horrific haunted city.

Ultimately, this is a book about desperateness and schemes which I think is the intersection of magic and gambling. Both hobbies can be destructive and both hobbies are equally filled with people who claim to be the masters of the hobby but are often the biggest victims. As much as this book makes magic and gambling out to be wonderful, it also works hard to remind you that magic and gambling are fickle as fuck and will ruin you.

I love this book but my only warning to readers is that this is a book that never fully explains the rules of what is happening. If you need concrete explanations, prepare to be lost for most of this book. Much like a real casino, this book keeps a lot of things in the background to make sure you the reader never understand how stacked the odds really are.

Nov 012017
 

Explorer’s Log: I am on day sixteen of my thirty-two day journey to the star system designated “The Queen Won’t Back Down Even if You Stand Her at the Gates of Hell,” by Royal Astronomers. I am heading to the edge of Zatty space and commercial and military traffic is light. I have seen a few starships that were running fast and quiet, so I suspect they are refugees from the fallen Carefully Managed Democracy’s government.

There is little to report except a decrease in the ship’s cruising speed. It appears that we have taken on unaccounted weight somewhere in the ship. It could be a stowaway or more likely, debris that made it past the engine filters. Scanners are not picking up anything so I will be conducting a personal search through the maintenance crawlspaces. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: I can tell that I am bored because I am looking forward to dragging my sweaty ass through tight spaces just to give me something to do.

Vaquel Di squeezed through the crawlspace junction. Her white spacesuit hugged tightly around her round breasts and wide hips. Instead of her usual glassteel helmet bubble helmet, Vaquel was wearing a skintight extension of her spacesuit over her head. Her short pink hair was pressed tightly against her scalp but not as tightly as the material pressing against her lips. It felt like her mask had been kissing her for the past hour.

The junction was a tight fit for her ass. This was her maintenance suit and the material was designed to reduce friction but there was only so much it could do to ease her large round buttocks through the small tunnel. It took her twenty seconds to finally get her butt around the corner.

“See anything, Mistress?” Chairbot said on the communications link.

“Not a damn thing,” Vaquel said. The crawlspace lights were on but all Vaquel could see where dirty panels, corrosion stains and the occasional puddle of lubricant.

“I should really come down here some time and clean up,” Vaquel said.

“Shall I place it on the schedule?” Chairbot asked.

“Fuck no,” Vaquel snapped. “I’m never that bored.”

Vaquel proceeded down the tunnel. She crawled forward on her hands and knees. The spacesuit hugged her body tightly but her breasts still swung with every crawling step. The material rubbed against her nipples, keeping them in a constant state of stimulation.

It was worse between her legs. The tight suit pressed down on her pussy lips so that the slightest movement rubbed back and forth. The faster she crawled, the harder it stroked
Vaquel made sure to crawl as fast as she could. Maybe by the time she finished her survey, she would manage to climax.

She came to another junction. Instead of the usual lubricant stain, the puddle here was a bright blue. She touched it with her gloved hand. It was too sticky to be a machine fluid.

“Chairbot, run a scan on Junction F-K,” Vaquel ordered.

“Nothing unusual on scanners,” Chairbot reported. “Are you ready for a rest break? Would you like to come back and sit on me? I have a new vibration pattern that you will enjoy.”

Vaquel’s pussy clenched. It was tempting. She could use a break but she could use a vibrating chair seat even more.

There was a rumbling noise down the K branch of the crawlspace. Vaquel had spent eight years on this ship and knew every sound by heart. That rumble was a new one.

“Focus the scanner on K branch,” Vaquel ordered. She squeezed into the crawlspace. The ceiling was low and her breasts were crushed against the floor. The top of her ass slid along the ceiling. She had to crawl on her elbows to move forward.

“Nothing unusual,” Chairbot reported.

The way ahead was dark. “What about the lights?” Vaquel asked. “Any error messages?”

“None, Mistress,” Chairbot reported.

That meant that not only was a light out, but the backup reporting system was down too. This job was getting more complicated.

Vaquel crawled into the darkness. The rumbling sound grew louder.

What was that sound? Was a panel loose and vibrating? Was it gas compression? Could an exhaust fan be malfunctioning?

It was pitch black. She felt around with her hands. The service panel was tight against the wall. There were no fluids, sticky or slippery. The fan grill was perfectly still. She didn’t feel anything unusual.

The low ceiling against her round butt shifted. Vaquel froze as the ceiling pressed down on her. She groaned as the weight increased and pinned her to the floor of the crawlspace.

“Mistress, is anything wrong?” Chairbot asked.

Something was very wrong. The weight shifted along Vaquel’s back. It flowed down her legs and wrapped around her legs. The top of her shoulders was pushed down. Something wrapped around her face and pressed against the material covering her mouth. There was something alive here in the crawlspace with her!

There was a flicker of light and then it was gone. Vaquel understood what had happened. The light was on and working fine; it was just blocked by whatever was lurking on the of the crawlspace.

Vaquel reached for whatever was touching her face. The gloves were designed for tactile use and she felt fur around a tentacle of some kind. She pulled it from her face.

The rumbling grew louder. Vibrations ran up and down Vaquel’s body where it was touching the creature. Something coiled around her arms and legs with amazing strength.

“Mistress, report!” Chairbot begged over the link.

“There’s something down here,” Vaquel gasped. “I don’t know how it got here, but we need to flush it out. It seems to be organic.”

The creature rumbled louder. Vibrations increased against Vaquel’s buttocks. The vibrations were strong enough to be felt by her pussy.

“Should I fill the crawlspace with emergency toxins, Mistress?” Chairbot asked.

The vibrations grew stronger. “Uh, hold on with that,” Vaquel said.

Vaquel tried to move. She arched her back to press her ass harder against the clinging alien. Her hand guided one of the vibrating tentacles to her breasts. Pleasant sensations ran along her chest. Vibrations pulsed against her sore shoulders and felt great.

“This isn’t so bad,” Vaquel whispered.

Something hard pressed against her mouth. It was vibrating. It poked against the material of her mask as it tried to enter her mouth. The vibrations made her lips tingle.

“What about now, Mistress?” Chairbot asked.

“Negative!” Vaquel yelled.

She didn’t know what this thing was, but she didn’t intend to kill it until she was able to fully make use of it. The vibrations were wonderful on her ass, she just needed to get them in the right place.

The tentacle on her breasts constricted. Vaquel groaned as the powerful vibrations hummed against her mounds. Her nipples pressed hard against the thin material as if trying to get free.

The creature pressed against her bottom. It wiggled between her cheeks. Something hard, thick and vibrating was trying to work its way into her ass.

The vibrations pulsed harder. Vaquel’s pussy clenched in frustration that nothing was touching it.

Vaquel reached for her sex. The crawlspace was too tight and the creature was pressing down too hard. She couldn’t even reach her belt to manipulate her suit controls.

Maybe she could lure it somehow. Vaquel moved her hips and spread her thighs as much as the tight space would allow. She grinded her pussy into the floor with short micro-humps.

A vibrating tentacle moved to the top of her thigh. The buzzing tip started at her ass and slowly moved down to the crease of her knee. Vaquel tried to move backwards to chase the tentacle but the weight pressing down on her was too much.

The tentacle at her mouth began to glow. It was a faint blue light. The tentacle tip bulged and then released a squirt of fluid unto Vaquel’s lips.

The space explorer froze. What was that? Poison? Some kind of acid? She tried to touch her face but the tentacles had her too tightly pinned. She waited for the dread feeling of her mask disintegrating.

Nothing happened. Whatever it had squirted her with, the liquid dripped harmlessly from the mouth of her mask.

“Praise the Queen,” Vaquel whispered. That could have ended very badly. Maybe it was time to stop fucking around and get rid of this thing.

The rumbling grew louder. Vibrations engulfed Vaquel’s back and ass. Her breasts were gripping in buzzing bliss. The tentacle tip at her leg slipped between her thighs.

No, she could wait a little longer.

The vibrating tentacle poked the inside of her thigh. It tapped, tapped, tapped its way closer to her sex. It was looking for something.

Vaquel wondered if it was trying to mate. She didn’t know what this thing was or when it got aboard her ship, but she had encountered quite a few tentacle creatures in her travels. The one thing they all had in common was that they liked to fuck just about anything. In fact, Vaquel wasn’t sure if she had ever encountered a tentacle creature having sex with its own kind.

The tentacle between her legs was centimeters away from her crotch. It was lingering for some reason. It rubbed back and forth, perhaps trying to burrow into a crease in her spacesuit.

Vaquel groaned. The vibrations were so close to her sex. She wiggled her leg in an attempt get the tentacle to move on but it wouldn’t.

Meanwhile, the rest of her body was being probed and groped. A second tentacle poked at the crack of her ass, trying to push into the spacesuit. A tentacle ran up and down her foot. The tentacle at her face tried to poke her mouth again, as stubborn as any male wanting a blowjob.

The creature rumbled and powerful vibrations engulfed her back. The tentacle around her chest vibrated so hard that her breasts jiggled wildly inside her suit. The teasing tip of the tentacle beside her thigh buzzed stronger than even one of Chairbot’s vibrators.

Vaquel groaned and kept her thighs apart. She only had one chance at this.

The tentacle moved away and Vaquel almost screamed with frustration but a second later, the tentacle dived back down and pressed hard against her crotch. The buzzing tip vibrated hard against the thin material covering her wet sex.

“Got you!” Vaquel cried and she slammed her thighs shut around the tentacle.

The creature rumbled unbearably loud. The tentacle against her sex squirmed and thrashed but it couldn’t escape the vise of Vaquel’s thick thighs. That didn’t stop it from trying as it flailed and buzzed.

“Oh, fuck!” Vaquel cried. The vibrations permeated Vaquel’s entire pelvic region. Her thighs clamped tightly around the tentacle as her ass rose and fell to hump the squirming tip.

The creature wrapped more tentacles around Vaquel. Multiple arms coiled around her chest and crushed her breasts with vibrating lengths. It wrapped around her throat and squeezed. Several tentacles tried to get between her thighs and pry them apart but the creature was no much for Vaquel’s powerful legs.

“Yeah, no one gets these legs open unless I want them to,” Vaquel said. “And I’m not letting go until you get me off!”

The tentacle tip between her legs thrashed against her. Vaquel gasped as the tentacle grinded against her spacesuit-covered sex. It wasn’t penetration but with vibrations this strong, it didn’t need to enter her to make her come.

“So close,” Vaquel gasped.

The tentacle around her neck squeezed. It became harder to breathe. The suit compensated by enriching her oxygen but that wouldn’t help if her throat was crushed.

She should let go. This thing might kill her to get free. Was a vibrating tentacle worth dying for?

The vibrations from the tentacle on her sex grew stronger. Vaquel made her choice. She kept her thighs tightly around it.

A weird whistling sound came from the creature. What the fuck did that mean?

The weight on her back lifted. The tentacle around her throat released its grip. Arms uncoiled around her chest and shoulders. Tentacle tips stopped poking her ass. Light flooded the crawlspace as the creature ceased to block the light source.

“You tentacle things are all alike!” Vaquel yelled. “You love holding people down and fucking them but no one has ever done it to you, have they? What’s the matter? Don’t enjoy being used?”

The creature was pulling away but it couldn’t leave with its tentacle trapped between her thighs. The vibrations were just as strong as ever. The tip turned, twisted and pulled but it couldn’t escape.

Vaquel lifted herself onto her elbows. Reaching down, she rapped a button on her belt. A slit opened over her crotch. The furry tentacle writhed against her hairy pussy lips. A wet spot formed instantly under her.

“Fuck!” Vaquel cried out. The vibrations were twice as strong on her bare skin. She had no idea the suit had that much insulation.

The tentacle tip pressed against her sex. It easily slipped inside the wet folds. The tentacle expanded inside her and filled her sex with alien flesh and vibrations.

“Yes, yes, yes, get in there you dirty fucker!” Vaquel yelled. She still didn’t trust it to stay so she kept her thighs tightly pinned around it.

The tentacle fucked her. Was this what it wanted or did it sense that it had to do this to get her to let go?

Vaquel didn’t know and she didn’t care. The furry tip plunged in and out of her with frantic speed. It kept expanding with every thrust, filling her tightly as the vibrations grew stronger.

She remembered the blue liquid earlier. Was this thing about to spray stuff inside her? That might not be healthy considering she still had no idea what it was. Should she stop?

Fuck that. She clenched down hard on the tentacle with her pussy. It was going nowhere.

The vibrations surged and Vaquel came. Her orgasm exploded through her body and made her toes curl. She shuddered, clenched harder and then shuddered again.

“Glory to the Queen!” she cried and her thighs relaxed.

The tentacle shrunk and yanked out of her sex. It pulled out from between her legs so fast that she heard it cut through the air like a whip. There was a thumping noise above her as the unknown creature scrambled away from her down another maintenance tunnel.

Vaquel collapsed onto the floor of the crawlspace. Her pussy was numb. The floor beneath her was soaking wet with her juices. She could do with a nice nap.

“Chairbot, isolate K-2 branch,” Vaquel commanded.

“Yes, Mistress,” Chairbot reported.

Above Vaquel, she heard the maintenance shaft doors click into place. She pushed her fingers into her tingling pussy. She was sensitive to the touch but she didn’t feel any fluid that shouldn’t be there. Good.

“K-2 branch is sealed, Mistress” Chairbot said. “Shall I decompress it and vent it into space?”

“Yes,” Vaquel said. The robot sounded eager. Maybe he was jealous of how hard the creature had made her come.

The crawlspace shuddered around Vaquel. She listened to the familiar sounds of airlocks opening and the quiet explosion of decompression. It was followed by the clamping of airlocks resealing and the increased hum of air pumps working to restore equilibrium.

“Sensors indicate that ship mass has been restored to optimal limits, Mistress,” Chairbot said. “The unknown lifeform has been expelled.”

“Any idea how it got here in the first place?” Vaquel asked.

“Considering the nature of the creature, Mistress, my hypothesis is that one of the bio-filters is faulty and it came aboard during one of our planet landings. It may have been smaller when it came aboard and then grew to its current size later, which is when we detected it because of the extra mass.”

“Do you mean that there could be more of these things on board?” Vaquel asked.

“If they haven’t grown, we wouldn’t detect them,” Chairbot said. “This is just a hypothesis. We won’t know for sure until we pinpoint how it came on board.”

Vaquel picked a direction and started crawling. The slit of her spacesuit was still open and her pussy dragged along the floor, leaving a trail behind her in her the crawlspace.

“Mistress, the bio-filters are in the other direction,” Chairbot said.

“True, but if there are more of those vibrating creatures, they will probably be in this direction,” Vaquel said.

“Shall I begin isolating branches and decompressing them, Mistress?” Chairbot asked.

“Fuck, no!” Vaquel snapped. “If there are any left, they are probably too small to effect ship speed. That means I can study them before they grow too big. I might learn something that will be useful to report back to the Queen.”

“And they might be useful for your pleasure, Mistress.” Chairbot said. “May I suggest testing them while you sit on me?”

“Maybe,” Vaquel said as she crawled along the tight tunnel. “Depends on how fast you help me find them.”

“Calculating likely locations now,” Chairbot said.

Vaquel grinned. There were a lot of tunnels to check but at least she no longer had to worry about being bored.

Oct 312017
 

We end the month of Halloween with a horror novel with an irresistible title by Christine Morgan. There was no way that I wasn’t going to read something called “Spermjackers From Hell.” I am terribly jealous of this title and concept.

The book is about five dumb-asses summoning a succubus like some sort of occult version of the movie Weird Science. The succeed but instead of a Kelly LeBrock, they got something with a lot more pseudopods and way out of their league to control. Sexual terror ensues.

Keep in mind that this is a Horror book and not an Erotica or even Erotic Horror book. The shit goes down in this book is horrifying and traumatizing. It is also quite funny with believable dialogue. The author frequently breaks the fourth wall to lighten the mood as well as emphasize how fucked up this situation is. I can count one hand how many times breaking-the-fourth-wall is successfully done but this book manages to do it.

All in all, this is a gruesome book for people who like a bit more sexual content in their horror. I enjoyed it and will be looking for more this author.

Oct 302017
 

Pumpkin Patties are almost indistinguishable from regular women. Sure, they have an orange tint to their skin and their curves are a bit firmer than normal women, but their smiling faces put everyone at ease. They dress like us although no one is sure where they get their clothes from. Do they grow them or do they steal them? Maybe it is provided by the farmer who raise them.

They travel in groups, giggling to each other and sticking close for support. One strange woman might stand out but a group of strange women on Halloween is just another drunk group of friends. They are also awfully friendly with their big smiles and wide-open eyes.

One giveaway is that they are not much for talking. Oh, they can talk but mostly they want to kiss and their lips taste like pumpkin spice. They want you to squeeze their big breasts and reach between their legs. Gently they lead you into the darkness where the two of you can shed your clothes and push deep into thick patches of something that is not quite hair until you reach something that is certainly wet, warm and clenching.

And what happens once their lovers are exhausted and spent beside them after a bout of copulation? The Pumpkin Patty picks herself up and goes off in search of more fun. She rejoins her fellow Patties and they keep searching for more lovers.

The night only comes to an end when the first rays of dawn appear. That is when the Pumpkin Patty returns to her field, sheds her clothes and sinks back into the earth that spawned her. She breaks apart quickly, soaking the field with her special magic that will ensure a fertile ground for next spring.

A Pumpkin Patty only has one night to live so if you encounter one, make sure to help them make it a night worth living for.

Whispers from Suckubeth by Anonymous.

Oct 292017
 

Becca Whitaker is a wonderful artist that I support on Patreon. She had a sale recently for a Halloween Package that included an original Halloween pinup of your choice so I had to snag one. This lovely lady is my newest addition to my collection of Witch art.  Check out the dripping pentagram earrings! Marvel at the Ouija planchette tattoo! Delight in the split-color hair! Be bewitched by her giant pumpkins!

Oct 272017
 

Trick ‘r Treat is a 2017 anthology movie about the horrible things that happen in a small town one Halloween. Instead of a framing story, there is a mysterious small figure who wanders from story to story until he gets his own story is revealed at the end. The body count is high but every story has a moral, even if that moral is don’t fuck around with the spirit of Halloween.

I love this movie so much. It hits everything I want in a Halloween movie.

Mysterious central figure? Check.

Anthology of short stories? Check.

A story about kids being dicks and getting what they deserve? Check.

A story with hot chicks in costumes? Check.

A story that actually embraces the holiday of Halloween as a concept and not just as a background for a typical horror movie? Check.

Bad people getting punished? Check.

Again, I love this movie too much to be objective. I also don’t want to spoil anything by going into more detail. Let’s just say that I watch this every year and it is always great. With the possible exception of John Carpetner’s Halloween, this is the quintessential Halloween horror movie in my book.

 

Oct 262017
 

Here is a fact of life that may surprise no one: if you have breasts, odds are that they are already haunted. Spirits are attracted to breasts because they are warm, soft, close to the heart and quite frankly, most spirits loved breasts when they were alive and that doesn’t stop when you die.

During Halloween, the ghosts haunting breasts become more powerful. All of their desires intensify and the magic in the air makes it easier for the ghost to affect the breast they are haunting. They can will the breast to move, often wiggling and escaping clothes that would normally hold them securely. They become more sensitive in attempt to encourage their owners to fondle and grope them, or at least become more tolerant of the groping of others. In some cases, they have the ability to enchant other people who gaze upon the haunted breast. These enchanted people become obsessed with looking at the haunted breast and wish nothing more than to touch them.

What do these spirits desire? They want to be touched. They want to be worshipped. They want to be kissed. They want to be admired. And yes, many of them want to be fucked.

Some people feel they can exorcise their haunted breasts. They try slapping, flogging, nipple clamps and harsh pinches. They believe that such pain drives forth the ghost inside. That may be true but more likely, the ghost planted the idea in their host because they enjoy the kinky stuff.

Whispers from Suckubeth by Anonymous