Sep 272016

A mountain jiggled. As I peered closer, I saw that it was no mere mountain but a breast beyond comprehension. It was the tip that gave it away as the giant brown areole surrounded a giant nipple pierced the clouds.

The mountain breast lactated. Down the side of the breast the milk flowed into a stream. Surrounding the stream were much smaller breasts of all shapes. Brown breasts jiggled alongside pale. Plump mounds wobbled next to rigid tiny tits. I saw tan lines among a few of the breasts but how those lines were formed were beyond me.

The stream of milk flowed past these breasts into the hills, but they were not hills. They were giant breasts, though not as giant as the mountain. These breasts were merely the size of houses with nipples the size of doors.

Nothing lived among these plentiful breasts. No creature stirred and no insect crawled. I could not divine the purpose of so many breasts. Were they formed by some mad god or did they provide nourishment for someone I could not see?

As I watched, a great wind sent the hill tits to jiggle and shimmy. A great breast moved and I saw the flash of bone beneath. It was difficult to see with my glass but the bone appeared to be a human skull, crushed long ago under a breast too heavy to measure. I suspect that some mammary obsessed magician may have made a fatal mistake in this bizarre dimension.

“In a Purple Mirror”
-Jennifer Glasse

Sep 242016

My brother and I never had much in common. Even when we liked the same things we liked them for entirely different reasons. he was rarely intellectually curious and didn’t like to read. In a lot of ways I felt like he was my complete opposite.

But one day he came over and wanted to tell me about this weird thing he found. It was a movie that might be real, and there was all sorts f evidence on the internet that said it was real and a bunch that said it wasn’t. It was called the Blair Witch Project and he was fascinated by it.

I too liked the Blair Witch Project. I liked the mystery and I loved the attempt to create an authentic artifact of a fictional horror movie. I wasn’t as enamored of the internet clues and ambiguity of whether it was real or not like my brother, but I related to his thirst for answers. As a kid that grew up with In Search Of, UFO books and Bigfoot sightings, I understood my brother’s passion. On this one subject, I felt like me and him were alike.

So when Blair Witch came out, there was no doubt that I would see it. I saw it because I am a fan of the original but I also saw it for him since he passed away a few years ago.  I wanted to see if he would have liked it.

I think he would. The new movie is good. A  video is uploaded to the internet that maybe shows one of the characters from the first movie. The character’s brother gets a group together to go into the woods to see if his sister is still there. Creepy things happen. The stick figure art installations are back. Strange sounds haunt the group. They get fucking lost. They find the house. Things get terribly, inevitably worse.

My brother knew a lot of the fan theories about the first movie. There was a theory on time travel that my brother loved that I thought was unlikely. No spoilers but time becomes a big part of the story and I smiled because my brother would have felt so redeemed to see his theory validated.

My wife and I saw the movie on a Thursday afternoon in an empty theater. At  first it was great because we could make jokes without fear of annoying anyone. As the horror escalated though, that big empty theater became less friendly. Shadows moved in the corner of my eyes. My wife got closer and closer to me. Near the end, my heart was thumping and I was genuinely scared in that delicious rare way that you get from haunted fun houses. Even though the movies follows most of the beats of the first film, the inevitability becomes part of the terror and despair. You know what is going to happen because you have seen it before but it is innovative and interesting enough that the familiarity doesn’t become boring.


Sep 232016

In the last episode of the Great Gall Bladder Drama, my wife had her gall bladder removed on the 13th. Everything was fine until the 15th when she experienced terrible chest pains. The doctor ordered us some tests and my wife went in on Friday to get a CT scan.

Here is where everything kicked into high gear. The CT people saw the scan, called the doctor and told us that my wife was being admitted to the hospital but they couldn’t tell us why. That would be the doctor’s job.

The doctor’s nurse came by, told us that my wife had a giant pouch of fluid inside her body. It could be bile, it could be an infection, it could be anything. The doctor would explain it and oh, don’t eat anything because you’ll be having surgery any minute.

We go to the hospital room, get checked in and my wife brings up that she hadn’t eaten since 8:30 that morning and it was 3pm now and she was really hungry. The nurses said wait until the doctor showed up.

He didn’t show up. We paged him. We called his message service. We called his practice. Nothing.

Around 8:30, the surgeon on call showed up, didn’t know where our doctor was but explained that no surgeries were happening tonight and it would be tomorrow morning so my wife was allowed soup broth and nothing else.

Long story short, we fired the doctor who went missing, made the surgeon on call our new doctor.

My wife had a drain put in her side and it turned out that the pouch of liquid was bile. This happens sometimes. When they removed the bladder, all the tubes connecting to the bladder close up and sometimes more bile gets through while they close.

On Sunday they did a scope down her throat and removed a leftover gall stone and checked for no leaks. There were no leaks.

Monday they took the drain out and sent her home. Today she went back to work.

Holy shit, was that traumatic. The doctor who went missing, the starving and two surgeries on a weekend did little for our stress.

Everything is okay now and who knows, we might be getting back to normal soon.

Sep 142016

The wife came out of gall bladder surgery okay. It was supposed to take 15 minutes but ended up taking an hour and a half. her gall bladder was inflamed and much larger than they expected. The doctor said it was on the verge of bursting so it was good we got to it when we did.

The nurse gave my wife a long list of things not to do and then ten minutes later on the ride home, the wife gave me highly detailed arguments for why she should be allowed to do just about anything on the list. It was pretty funny. She was dopey on pain medication but still super smart. It resulted in her talking like a five year old with a really advanced vocabulary.

She has the rest of the week off, and I think Monday as well. Hopefully I can sit her down in front of Netflix and she will keep out of trouble.

Sep 092016

My wife has had terrible stomach pains for the last few weeks. Early on the doctor thought it was acid reflux but some tests have shown it is gall stones. We plan to have her gall bladder removed and luckily that is an easy operation.

What was not easy was that when the doctor said he had an opening on Tuesday, my wife started to list the reasons why work wouldn’t make that possible. She had deadlines. She had things due. There was no one to cover. Maybe she could have the surgery in a week or two.

I recognized that behavior. I think we all do it. At some point, we treat our health like a resource to be spent. We stay up late to get work done and figure we will take the hit tomorrow. We go in sick because we figure our discomfort is not as bad as failing our responsibilities. We push our health to hit our goals.

And you know, I used to do that too, especially when I was younger. I bet every one of my younger readers here are doing it now. We act this way because our bosses and the companies we work for treat us as resources and that mindset filters down to us. It is insidious.

So I’m going to tell you something young and old people, work doesn’t give a shit. The phone company won’t regret your serious injury because you sacrificed for them. The university won’t have a change of heart because you ruined your marriage for their needs. You are just someone that works for them and when it comes right down to it, you have to be your own labor union and advocate for yourself.

In the end, my wife skipped her boss and went straight to Human Resources. The people there got her started on the paperwork for paid medical leave. They told her to go to surgery right away. When my wife went to her boss, her boss wanted to make my wife use up her vacation days for her time away in addition to delaying the surgery until some projects done. Fortunately, my wife listened to me and will be having her surgery on Tuesday.

So please keep that in mind. You only get one body for this weird world. Take care of it even if it disagrees with the interests of your corporate owners.

Sep 072016

Explorer’s Log: I have arrived at the star system designated “Queen’s Incredible Grasp of Warfare” by Royal Astronomers. It is a binary star system and every one of the seven planets is a crispy desert shithole.

The third planet actually has settlers which just goes to show that idiots will try to live anywhere. I was tempted to land at one of the cities but they reeked of desperation and criminal elements even from orbit. I have opted to visit one of the lone farm settlements instead. I was curious what the fuck they are even farming out on a blasted plain of heat and sand.

It turns out they farm moisture, which is the most pathetic thing I have heard in awhile. The farmers were an elderly couple of Zatty and their nephew, a rather handsome example of Zatty youth. They welcomed me into their pitiful excuse for a habitation and I blessed them with some of my water rations.

They invited me to stay the night in their moisture shed. I am eager to get back to the comfort of my ship but since these people might become possible accomplices for a future Royal Navy invasion, I have decided to accept their hospitality. I am always willing to suffer another unpleasant night for the glory of the Queen! End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: The young Zatty, Kra, kept staring at me all day. He kept trying to talk to me but his aunt and uncle kept interrupting him. I have a feeling he wants to tell me something so I am spending the night. With a fit, muscular body like his, he can tell me whatever he wants as long as he is inside me when he says it.

Vaquel Di pressed a button on her belt. The orange material on her spacesuit began to retract into her belt. It slid up her long dark legs, revealing every curve of her muscles. The thin material crawled over the round mass of her plentiful ass. When the pink bush of her pubic hair was exposed, Vaquel ran her fingers through it and felt the heat of her sex.

The spacesuit retreated from her arms. Strong arms were revealed to be followed by stronger shoulders. The material continued to slide down her chest, releasing heavy mounds of brown flesh to the humid air. The material slipped over a firm belly and into the belt.

Vaquel took off her belt and stepped out of her boots. The hot humid air inside the moisture shed kissed her dark skin. She was more comfortable inside the temperature-controlled suit but Vaquel didn’t mind. There might be a visitor tonight and Vaquel didn’t want to waste a second undressing.

She thought of the male, Kra. He was a Zatty which meant he towered over her at three meters in height. His natural red skin had been burnt by the binary stars into a crimson sheen. Short blonde hair, almost as short as Vaquel’s pink hair, adorned his head.

It was the eyes though, that captivated Vaquel. They were blue like an ocean, which is something they will never see on this planet. Besides their color, there was intensity. They burned with a desire that Vaquel rarely saw.

Granted, that desire might be to get the fuck off this planet. Vaquel couldn’t imagine a worse world to be young on. When farmers have to run machines just to get moisture, no one was ever going to spare liquid for things like lube.

Vaquel looked around the shed. There was sand, some tools, more sand, a cot, some more sand, the moisture machine, and even more sand.

The cot would have to do. Vaquel sat on it and was surprised by how sturdy it was. Then again, it designed for a race that was twice her weight. She leaned back on the cot and let out a deep breath.

How long until the farm boy came to visit the woman from the stars? Was he heading here now? Was he waiting until his aunt and uncle were asleep? Or was he sitting in his bed, jacking his cock and working up the courage to come?

Vaquel smiled. That was a pleasant thought. She slid her hand down over her chest. Sweat was already forming on her skin. Perhaps the farmers could recycle her sweat? She might be another source of farming for them.

She paused and pinched her nipples. Has the farm boy ever played with tits before? Did he travel kilometers to play with some Zatty farm girl’s chest? Or was Vaquel’s alien breasts going to be his first experience?

Vaquel pinched her nipples. She imagined his teeth biting down with youthful exuberance. She pictured his large hands mauling her tits. She fantasized about his hard alien cock slapping against her soft flesh.

Shivers ran down her spine. Fingers tightened around her nipples and pulled. Loud whimpers escaped her lips while she abused her breasts.

There was a sound. Vaquel watched the door of the shed. It didn’t move.

Where was he? Had she misjudged? Was she going to spend the night in a hovel shed based on a bad guess on her part?

No. Vaquel was sure of it. The boy’s eyes were special. They hungered. Every time they looked at Vaquel, she could feel the lust in his eyes.

Letting go of her breasts, she moved her hands further down. Sharp nails dug paths through the sweat forming on her body. Deliberately, her hands avoided her sex and grabbed her thighs.

“Queen’s tits!” Vaquel cried out. Sharp nails dug into her brown thighs. She squeezed and cruelly pried her legs apart.

In her imagination, this is what the farm boy would do. Ever eager, he would force her thighs apart. There would be no seduction. He would push them apart so he could slam the thick meat of his farm cock into her.

She raised her legs. One foot propped itself against a shelf. The other leg had to stay up on its own. It wavered in the air but Vaquel kept it there. Her farm boy lover wouldn’t be considerate, why should she?

With both legs in the air, Vaquel pressed her fingers against her sex. Again, there was no warm-up. She simply took both hands and pushed with her fingers. She pushed and she pushed and she pushed until a thick crowd of fingers slipped inside her sex.

“Ohhh,” Vaquel groaned. She had been fucked by Zatty cock before. This was a close approximation. The only thing closer would be her fist and Vaquel wasn’t wet enough for that.


“Take it,” Vaquel whispered, trying to imitate what little she had heard of the farm boy’s voice. Both hands pushed and invaded and violated the tight wet tunnel of her sex. She filled herself as best as she could with her fingers. Her leg trembled in the air and her other foot kicked against the shelf but she kept pushing.

Another sound and this time, the shed door opened. The dim light of setting suns illuminated the outline of a young man.

“Excuse me, Vaqu-By the Guardian!”

Vaquel pulled her hands from her sex. The sound of her pussy letting go filled the shed. She lowered her legs.

“Kra, I was expecting you.”

The Zatty male was covering his eyes with one of his massive hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were uh, busy?”

“Come in.” Vaquel said. “You’re letting all the dry air in. And stop covering your eyes. I want you to see all of me.”

Kra lowered his hand. His deep red skin lightened a shade as he blushed. A bulge appeared in his white robes.

“You do?” he asked.

“Of course,” Vaquel said. She rolled over to her side but arched her knee so her sex would be exposed. “I knew you would come see me.”

“Wow,” Kra said, drinking in her body with his eyes. “Then I was right? You have come to see me!”

Vaquel beckoned him to come closer. “The blood has left your brain. You came to see me, remember?”

Still staring at her body, Kra walked over to her. “I mean you came to this planet to get me. Did my father send you?”

When he was close enough, Vaquel reached for his robes. She pulled him to her as she reached inside. Her fingers had no trouble finding the hard hot member that she was looking for. She tightened her grip and pulled his cock out.

“Your father?” Vaquel said. “Why would he send me?”

“Ohhhhh,” Kra groaned. His eyes closed and his mouth hung open in ecstasy.

Vaquel realized there would be no answers like this. She reluctantly let go of his cock. “Your father, tell me about him.”

Kra’s eyes opened again. “My father was Nikan Deathbringer, the greatest Mind-Warrior of the Liberty Republic before it was overthrown! He sent me away to live with my aunt and uncle on a remote planet where our enemies wouldn’t find me. My father stayed behind to lead a rebellion while I waited here. I assumed you were sent by my father to come back and help fight the Freeman Democracy!”

Vaquel smiled. “Maybe he did. Maybe he sent me to see if you were man enough.”

“I knew it!” Kra said. “Is there a test?”

Vaquel grabbed his cock again. “This is your test.”

She pulled him down to the cot by his cock. Kra almost jumped on top of her. Vaquel worried that she might have to instruct him further but apparently he understood her innuendo. He dived straight for her breasts.

“Queen’s tit!” she cried out. Sharp teeth clamped down around the entirety of her right breast. She had forgotten how large Zatty mouths were. A thick tongue slapped against her trapped flesh while the teeth continued to tighten.

Oh, this was MUCH tighter then she had fantasized about. The pain sent flashes of desire straight down her belly and into her wet sex.

Kra released her breast. Vaquel had a moment of relief before his head turned and dived down on her other breast. Sharp teeth once again encircled her breast and squeezed.

Vaquel squirmed. Her other breast still ached from the vice-like bite. He seemed to be biting down harder then before. It was everything she had fantasized about except it wasn’t her little hands trying to simulate pain. This was intense and real.

She felt like a river was flowing between her thighs. Her pussy was so wet; she could bring an ocean back to this desert planet. No, she was so turned on that she could drown this whole fucking planet.

Kra released her breast. She braced herself for where he would go next. Bite her shoulder? Descend down to her sex? Did this farm boy have a foot fetish and was he about to clamp down on her defenseless toes?

No, he went back to the other breast. The sharp teeth dug into her bountiful flesh as his tongue lapped at her trapped breast. Her nipple bounced and quivered under the assault of his tongue.

Vaquel smiled. Males were universal no matter what the race, planet or star system. They all loved tits.

He released her breast. Vaquel sighed and squirmed beneath him. She grabbed his cock again. Her hips rose and pressed against his thigh.

Kra groaned and dived back down onto her other breast.

Vaquel winced. Her tits were in sensual agony. She had to expand his experience. The best way was the oldest; ask a male a question.

“Your father was a great hero,” she said through clenched teeth.

Kra let go of her tit. “He was a Hero of the Drone Wars. It is said that he destroyed an entire army in a single battle, armed only his mind and a laser mace.”

“Wow,” Vaquel said without listening. She pulled his cock to her mouth. Kra crawled up along the cot until his crotch was near her face. She opened her mouth and took his swollen red member into her lips.

“Holy Guardians!” Kra cried. His cock throbbed in her mouth. She felt the shiver of his thighs.

She sucked harder.

He kept talking.

“My mother, was a Councilor,” Kra continued. “Or a Minister, I’m not sure. My aunt keeps getting them confused. Either way, she and my father were to be married but the evil Freeman Democracy launched their rebellion and my parents were forced to have extra-marital sex for awhile.”

“Hmm,” Vaquel moaned with his cock in her mouth. When he talked, he wasn’t thrusting. When he did thrust, his huge alien cock threatened to fuck her skull.

“Yeah, it is a shame that I was born a bastard by my uncle swears that I am still eligible to join the Mind-Warriors when I am of age. I thought I should have been old enough last cycle but my uncle said I wasn’t ready yet. I think he just wanted me to stick around for the Second Summer Harvest.”

It was all gibberish to Vaquel. She just loved the feel of young cock in her mouth. Her head was at an awkward angle, the room was too damp and sand had somehow gotten between her ass cheeks, but her pussy was wet as a swamp world and that is all that mattered.

Kra kept talking. She wondered if he had friends. Perhaps the weight of being in hiding and waiting for your father to come for you is a lonely weight to carry. Maybe he just had no one else to talk to other than the sand.

“But now that you are here, you can take me out to the stars!” Kra said. “I can join my father’s army, fight against the evil Freeman Democracy, and use my Mind-Warrior powers. I am ready to fight! It is so boring out here and I just want to stab bad guys and crush their spines with my mind!

The talk of bloodshed excited Vaquel. Her pussy couldn’t wait any more. She popped his cock from her mouth and looked up at him.

“Ready to fuck me, now?” Vaquel said. “My pussy needs a good pounding before I take you to your father.”

“Sure, no problem,” Kra said. He reached down and grabbed her head with his huge hand. She opened her lips just in time before he re-entered her mouth.

Maybe he misunderstood her? Vaquel was tempted to bite down to make him stop so she could explain herself more clearer.

There was a sensation at her sex. Something large, much larger than her fingers from earlier, pushed against the lips of her sex. With a forceful shove, something entered her.

Vaquel moaned and choked on Kra’s cock at the same time.

“See how good I am?” Kra said. “Like I said, I have been practicing my Mind-Warrior powers. I can’t believe the Freeman Democracy declared our genetics dangerous.”

Vaquel reached down to her sex. There was nothing there but something was pummeling her tight pussy. By the Queen, the Mind-Warrior stuff wasn’t just some kind of title! This farm boy was a telekinetic! He was fucking her with his mind!

Kra was still talking. “Retto is going to be so jealous! He is still waiting for someone from the Secret Academy to come recruit him! I keep telling him, it doesn’t matter if his parents’ secret training school still existed, the Academy isn’t strong enough to overthrow the current government!”

Vaquel only half-listened. The farm boy’s cock was slamming down her throat and it took all of her attention to keep her jaw slack. Red alien balls slapped against her face with every thrust.

More distracting was the force inside her sex. It never seemed to retain the same shape twice. One thrust would feel like getting rammed with a fist and the next was as slender as an antenna rod. The shifting shape kept her pussy quivering with anticipation.

Kra still had more to say. “Wait until the Prea sisters find out! They have been here for ten years, claiming their grandfather is going to come back any day to use their fighting talents to overthrow the Freeman Democracy. Ha! They are going to piss themselves when they find out I have left!

“What?” Vaquel tried to say but she choked on cock instead. How many people were hiding from the authorities on this planet? No wonder there were so many people on this orbiting dump!

The telekinetic force left her sex, followed a moment later by the cock leaving her mouth. Vaquel gasped for air. The farm boy stepped off the cot and looked down on her.

“I think I want that sweet alien juice vault now,” Kra said.

Vaquel started to float. She barely felt whatever was holding her. It took a finely detailed level of control to manipulate mass so gently. It was a testament to how special the farm boy really was.

The telekinetic force levitated her in the air. Her body rolled forward until her breasts hung down beneath her. The force moved her ass down to Kra’s crotch. Strong hands gripped her waist and guided her back.

The farm boy’s massive cock entered her. Vaquel cried out as alien meat expanded her sex. The force around her never wavered as she shivered and squirmed.

“Holy fuck,” Kra groaned. “This is so much better than fucking Sand Hogs.”

Vaquel had no idea what a Sand Hog was and she didn’t need to know. Her pussy was filled to the near breaking point. She was held in the air by little more than the power of the boy’s mind. She was helpless and penetrated, two of her favorite things.

Kra fucked her. His hands stayed tight around her waist as he pulled back onto his cock over and over again. Thick red cock disappeared into Vaquel’s tight brown pussy.

Vaquel was grateful that he had finally shut up. She lost herself in the feeling of being ruthlessly fucked. Curious, she tried to move her arms and legs but they wouldn’t budge. Gentle, but firm invisible force encased almost her entire body.

The only part not encased were her swinging tits. Vaquel groaned as her tender tits bounced against each other from the force of Kra fucking. Was it a conscious choice on the farm boy’s part to let her tits swing? Vaquel thought so. They made a wonderful sound as they slapped together.

Kra grunted and Vaquel was spun around in mid-air. Her body rotated on the axis of the alien cock inside her. Now she was staring up at the ceiling as he continued to fuck her.

He let go of her waist. Vaquel thought she might fall until she remembered that his mind was holding her. His hands moved to her tits and squeezed them painfully. Her brown flesh spilled out of his thick red fingers.

“Small tits, but still nice,” Kra moaned.

Vaquel snorted. Zatty males were spoiled on the giant mammaries of their females. That was okay, she would give him something to be impressed by.

She clamped down with her vaginal muscles. It was a Euphorian exercise taught to all woman of her planet, and perfected by those who served in the Royal Forces.

“Ah!” Kra cried out as his cock was encased in a power far greater than his Mind Force. He froze inside her.

“Keep fucking,” Vaquel said.

He nodded and resumed fucking her. His thrusts were slower but no less deep. She had his attention now.

“Queen’s tit,” Vaquel groaned. Her climax was close. She tried to move her hand to her sex to hurry it along but her hand wouldn’t move. The farm boy’s mind held her body in a bondage stronger than mere rope. Only her tits were free and they were purely for his continued mauling.

That was fucking hot.

“Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel cried out. She climaxed and her shook within the grasp of the telekinetic field.

Kra couldn’t take anymore. He bit down hard on his lips to keep from crying out. His alien cock exploded within her, flooding her inside with thick seed.

“Good bo-oh shit!” Vaquel said as she slid off his cock and hit the sand below her.

“Sorry,” Kra said. He collapsed down to one knee on the cot. “Wow, that took a lot of me.”

Vaquel slowly rolled onto her side. The afterglow was blocking most of her aches. “Yeah, fucking something other than Sand Hogs will do that.”

“Hey, mind if I take a quick nap?” Kra said. “I already did my packing before I came to see you. I just need a little rest before I carry my bags to the ship.”

Vaquel rubbed her sore ass. “Sure, kid. Take all the time you need.”

Kra fell onto the cot. His eyes closed immediately. He was out.

Vaquel stood up and grabbed her belt and shoes. As silently as she could, she sneaked out the door to the shed.

There was still light outside. Binary stars meant bright nights. That was fine with Vaquel. It guided her way back to the ship.

“Poor bastard is going to be disappointed,” she whispered. Tough shit. He might not be joining the revolution but at least he got a good fuck out of it.

As for Vaquel, she got both a good fuck and a lot of useful information. Who knew so many revolutionaries or children of revolutionaries lived her. She needed to report it to the Queen so the Royal Navy could pacify this potential trouble spot if they ever invaded. This whole planet was a wretched hive of heroes and would-be freedom fighters.

Vaquel smiled to herself as she kept walking. The alien seed dripped out of her sex and evaporated on the hot sand beneath her.

Sep 052016

Divination is a fool’s exercise. Prophecies and portents rarely make sense until after the fact, as if the universe was designed by some mad writer who prefers events to play out at their most dramatic. The best way to predict the future is to pay attention.

Still, this is a book of magic and I would be remiss to leave out some of the many methods that a magisexual might divine the future. Some people will have a natural talent for some of these arts while others will most likely give them a try for entertainment purposes.

Anomancy – The art of divination from the pulling of anal beads from a person’s bottom.

Cockomancy – The art of divination from the ridges, size and shape of a male member.

Jigglmancy- The art of divination from observing the jiggling of a woman’s breasts. I am highly skeptical that this is a real thing.

Moanomancy – The art of divination from the interpretation of sounds emitted during sexual congress.

Pantimancy – The art of divination from examining the stains and smells of an article of underwear. Most practitioners of this art arte not really practitioners as much as enthusiasts.

Pornomancy – The art of divination from the random selection of pornographic images.

Pussymancy- The art of divination from the folds, size and shapes of a vagina’s lips.

Scalpendimancy – The art of divination from interpreting scratches left on the body after sex.

Sememancy – The art of divination from the ejaculate of a male. I have heard that female ejaculate works as well although it is far messier.

Spankomancy – The art of divination from the shapes left behind in a spanking.

Tearomancy- The art of divination from interpreting the tears in a used condom. My prediction is that you are fucked.

Urimancy – The art of divination from the urine of a person. More popular than you would think.

Samuel Noone
“The Pussy of Life”

Sep 032016

austincoverSeptember marks the beginning of a four month long story of mine at Gnosis College. A page a day will be posted and you can start reading it here. It involves of brain alteration, psychic abilities, sinister conspiracies and way too much sex. Illustrated by the great Erosarts and edited by the wonderful Dr. Faustus, I feel lucky to be a part of this project.

I am pretty proud of this baby and I hope you enjoy it.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Sep 022016

a0898768488_10“I wanna fly…Off the bridge
I wanna fly off the bridge
I’m the angel of alchemists
I exist… ”

So begins Sublimations, the first song of the Epic Lifestyle album. Like every song, it instantly transports you somewhere else. This is a song about mysteries. This is a song about wishes, desires and frustrations. As the bells chime and the haunting voice of Andra whisper in your ear, you can’t help by be drawn somewhere special.

Epic Lifestyle is described as lyrical surrealism and while true, I liken the album more as a Grimoire in album form.

“I am the dream-child Lilith
Cloaked in haloed hungers
The wind sings with her fingers
Across my silk-fire heavens
Angels’ voices sigh
And languish in my skirts”

The opening lyrics to Lilith feel like holy text. This is the album I listen to when my world is unacceptable. These are the songs I play when I want to sink deep into magic and immerse myself in wonder.

“When you cry…
It’s human and divine
When you cry…
I feed, you feed
I like it when you cry”

The lyrics of Dacryphilia warn you of monsters. Or perhaps it is a celebration of the monster you nourish inside you. Like most works of magic, it depends on how you will interpret it.

You need this album. I needed this album. It is human and divine. Purchase it here.

Aug 312016

The magisexual should keep in mind that along with keeping their body healthy for vigorous activities that they must also keep their spiritual energies healthy as well. It is no good to have the endurance to fuck a summoned spirit for an hour if you lack the magical essence to do anything with that joining.

This is one of the ways I recharge my vital substances.

First, cleanse the area and appoint your Guardian. Of course.

Now sit in a comfortable position and attain a state of arousal. You are the expert on how to achieve that.

Begin a simple breathing exercise. Breathe in your nose, and absorb the magic in our plane of reality. Breathe the air and magical energy in, and keeping a small bit of the energy for yourself, breathe out the air through your mouth and pass the energy through your sexual organ.

Repeat this process until you feel replenished. When you are potent once more, repeat the process six more times to be sure.

Samuel Noone
“The Pussy of Life”